Still Growing Strong!!

Today I am 5 weeks 2 days pregnant, and the beta for the day was 4538! I am so excited that this little bean is growing so well, and I am so hopeful that we will see a perfect little sac, fetal pole, and heartbeat at the ultrasound next week! As I think I keep saying, I still cannot believe this might really be happening for us.

We are currently in the process of renovating Elliot's house. We have to start picking the paints soon, and I am eagerly looking forward to decorating the baby's room. I'll probably have to pick a gender-neutral color since we will have to paint the nursery long before we will know if we are having a boy or a girl. I am currently thinking either blue or green, since both of those colors would make a great background for other decorations that would work for either a boy or a girl.

The results are in!

Today I am five weeks pregnant. Unbelievable! I went to the doctor for blood test #2, and the good news is that we have doubling (which is a sign of a healthy pregnancy)!! The beta came back at 1809 today. So far, this little bean is hanging in there. I cannot even begin to explain the relief that washed over me when I heard the number. I go back for my final beta on Wednesday, then next week is picture day!!

For those of us who waited so long to get pregnant, I think every step of the process is tempered with fear . . . we are so accustomed to bad news that we continue to wait for the "other shoe to drop." We distance ourselves from the joy a bit to prepare for the elusive "bad news" that we somehow believe is inevitably on the way. Rather than every cloud has a silver lining, I think some of us feel that every rainbow has a cloud (or a thunderstorm) lurking nearby.

Little by little, I am slowly starting to let down my guard and experience this joy. I am finally getting accustomed to saying the words . . . "I'm pregnant." In fact, I walk around saying it quite often the past two days. I told the radio this morning. Don't worry, it didn't answer back. I am certain I have now told the dog about 100 times (she mostly just looks bored when I share my news). I believe I also told the mirror. I am thrilled to say the person in the mirror smiled back at the news!

I'm so ready to start buying maternity clothes, and picking out furniture for the baby's room, but . . . again, the fear controls. I am afraid of making too many plans before we see a heartbeat.

Uh oh . . . spotting!

Everyone always says spotting is "normal" in early pregnancy, but I'm spotting today, and I'm scared. My symptoms have been much less today, and now the spotting . . . I just hope this isn't the beginning of the end. I think pregnancy takes nerves of steel, and I am not sure that I have nerves of steel.

It is a long wait until my blood test results tomorrow afternoon.

Still Can't Believe It Is True!

So . . . today I'm 4 weeks 5 days pregnant. My due date is December 29, 2008. I can't believe it is still true! I woke up again and took my last home pregnancy test (still positive) and I tried out the new First Response Digital Gold test just so I could see the "+YES." Now I have to try and relax and believe it will all be okay. I want this so much . . . I'm just so excited and hope this little baby sticks!

Last night I went to my friend Niki's house to finish decorating cookies for a fundraiser. I was cramping and so sore, but I didn't want to give her any sense that I might be pregnant. I sure hope all the cramping is normal! I'm DYING to tell my parents, but Elliot & I agreed to wait until after the first ultrasound on May 6. I'm thinking of telling them on Mother's Day and giving them a "pregnancy belly" cake that says something like Expecting new arrival on 12/29. Elliot is worried other people will see, so I have some convincing to do.

I just hope my betas double on Monday and Wednesday and that we see a heartbeat on May 6!

Stunned and Crying

I’m stunned . . . . . . . . shocked, and crying. I just truly can’t believe it. I finally got a call from the nurse’s office, and my beta is . . . . . . . . .

617!!!

All the tests had been positive for quite some time, but I was so worried that they weren't for real and I’ve been so afraid of something going wrong. I wasn’t ready to believe it could be true yet. The tests were getting darker beginning about 12 days post ovulation, but at 17 days post ovulation the tests were lighter, so I freaked out that I was pregnant and miscarrying. I was so freaked that I went out and got ANOTHER package of home pregnancy tests and peed on those, too. Those tests looked darker, but I'd never really taken a home pregnancy test in the afternoon before.

Elliot & I were crying . . . we just can't believe this might finally be happening!