Another Reason I Loving Having Midwives

My midwives just called me today. When I tested posted for Group B Strep, I asked Angel (the midwife I was seeing) whether I could do oral antibiotics prior to labor instead of IV antibiotics. I told her I knew it was against conventional medical advice, but that I was fairly certain I would be turning down IV antibiotics at labor due to my phobia, and taking the oral antibiotics couldn't hurt and might be a good compromise. Last time, with Micah, I was on the oral antibiotics (due to the chronic Group B Strep UTIs) and turned down the IV antibiotics. Everything turned out fine. I even had a negative Group B Strep swab just prior to labor, which helped me feel that I was making a safe choice. The risk of transmission is actually fairly low in the absence of a fever, active infection, and labor shorter than 18 hours, so I feel comfortable with my choice. I was in labor with Micah for 6 hours, and we expect this labor will go quickly this time, too. Honestly, with a short labor, they may not even be able to get in an IV and deliver the antibiotics to me at the hospital before the baby is born. They also recommend 2-3 doses prior to the birth of the baby for full effectiveness, and that requires at least 8-10 hours.

Angel said she needed to discuss things with Chris and Sharon, the other midwives who treated me last time. Well, she called back this morning, and they are calling in the antibiotics! I have to sign a form indicating that I have been advised to take IV antibiotics and I am declining, but they are "working with me" in my refusal to take the recommended course of action. This was a wink, wink, nod, nod situation - they have to recommend what the AMA standard is, but they are doing their best to support my decision without endorsing it. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that!

Naturally, I've done my research. There are a number of studies indicating that oral antibiotics, when taken prior to labor and maintained until delivery, are just as effective (and perhaps more so) than IV antibiotics. There are also studies indicating that if the antibiotics are stopped, they are not effective at all. They key is no lapse in the antibiotics allowing time for the Group B Strep to re-grow. There are also studies that indicate IV antibiotics for women with short labors fail to reduce the risk of transmission of the Group B strep because there is insufficient time to for the medicine to work before the baby passes through the birth canal. So, in my opinion, this really is the smartest option for me. That is a HUGE relief for me!! Can I get some credit for being rational in my crazy phobia?

Too much going on

I haven't been up for posting much lately - I have so much swirling around in my head, and I don't exactly know where to begin. I think I'm just a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on right now. I think I'm feeling a bit out of control...as my mom says, when man plans, G-d laughs. I think G-d is having quite a good chuckle at my expense this week.

Ironically, I spent most of this pregnancy expecting (and worrying about) pre-term labor. I'm officially 37 weeks pregnant right now, and we are "out of the woods" so to speak. Now, I think my biggest fear is that this baby will stay put forever and I'll be overdue! I've been doing everything I can to clean the house and be prepared. We finally dug all the junk out of our bedroom and the house is about as in-order as it will be. I arranged for child care for Micah when I go into labor, we've got our birth plan in place and I've got our schedule all written out.

Unfortunately, yesterday a wrench was thrown into my plans...and a whole new worry fell on my plate. My mom was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance yesterday afternoon, and they still do not know what is wrong. She was nauseated and sick and it just wouldn't stop. It came on suddenly - I was on the phone with her only an hour or two before making plans with her to come join us for dinner. I was extremely worried because it is not like my mom to call an ambulance - I knew she must have been horribly sick to go in an ambulance.

When she arrived at the hospital, they were concerned about a virus or an infection initially, so I've been unable to go visit her (she was actually placed in isolation). Since yesterday, they seem to have ruled out any infections, but they do not know exactly what is wrong. One theory is a drug interaction...she started a new medication a few weeks ago, and it might be causing all of this sickness. The only other theory on the table right now seems to be a problem called gastroparesis. I've looked into this online (and called a few doctor friends) and this does NOT appear to be good news. It is incurable, and the long-term prognosis is pretty scary. Most of the medications and options are only "temporary" fixes. I'm worried and scared because I *need* my mom to be around a very long time, and I want her to continue to enjoy a full and quality life.

So, on top of all the worries about my mom and her long-term well-being, I am having an immediate selfish reaction, too. I want my mom to be there with me when I give birth. She was such a huge help during labor last time, and I want her to be there right away to meet her newest granddaughter - and right now, she can't be there. I just know that I will go into labor when she is out of commission, and I'm a bit worried about doing all of this without her (and I also don't want her to miss out, either, because I know she wants to be a part of it all). I know that I will have Elliot there, but it really was a 2-person effort (okay, 3 counting the midwife) to get me through the last time. I also feel better knowing that after I deliver, my mom will be there with my Dad in the evenings to feed Micah and put him to bed.

Now I'm torn - I'm physically ready to have this baby, but I kind of want her to hang in a bit longer in the hope that my mom can recover and be there. Today was my 37 week appointment. I am over 70% effaced and 1-2 cm dilated. The baby has dropped (she did not say what station, but the baby is much lower and engaged). My belly is now measuring at 34 weeks (down 1 cm from last week). I've been spotting like crazy all day and having contractions. It kind of hurts for me to stand because of all the pressure. I also received some bad news at the appointment - I tested positive for Group B Strep :(. That means they would like to recommend that I take IV antibiotics during labor. I'm very torn - the studies about the benefits of IV antibiotics are mixed. It is the standard recommendation, and part of me knows that it would be better for the baby to take the antibiotics. But...I just don't know that I can do the IV because of my phobia. We are talking to the midwives to see if they will prescribe a course of oral antibiotics for me to start taking now. It is not the recommended course, but I would feel like it was a fair compromise. I tend to have short labors - the greatest risk for spreading infection is longer labor, and I barely had 6 hours from when my water broke to when Micah was born the last time around. Something else for me to worry about, right?

I'm still worried about how to deal with 2 children, and our child care situation for next year, and how we can balance all that is going on with our home renovations. We are supposed to be putting my condo on the market this week - I sure hope it sells quickly and that we are able to break ground quickly, move without incident, and get a 3 bedroom place before Twoey outgrows our bedroom. I'm having a hard time seeing how everything is going to fall into place.

I also have to take the dog back to the vet tomorrow. Her heart condition has been deteriorating. We increased her dosage of lasix in the hope that the congestion in her lungs would improve. While I've noticed some improvement, she has been waking in the mornings with a cough and she has been breathing heavily. I do not think the vet is going to be able to reduce her medication as we had hoped, and I see another visit to the cardiologist in our future. I wish I knew when we could fit all of this into our crazy life.

I guess on a more upbeat note, I thought I'd share a few stories about Micah. His new favorite pasttime is to put cereal (or fruit) on his eyes. He just takes the food and mushes it in there, and then he laughs! I've been working on teaching him some new "phrases." I've been teaching him to respond "me" (and point to himself) when I ask him "Who is cute?" He seems to get the concept...but our exchange goes more like this...."Micah, who is cute?" "Neee." Yes, Micah says "nee" instead of "me." I've noticed some other signs of growth - he actually lets me wipe his nose without any complaints anymore! In fact, he'll show me he needs his nose wiped, or I can say "Micah, come here and let mommy wipe your nose" and he'll walk right over and let me do what I need to do. I've also been amazed by the way he handles a sippy cup - he'll spin it around until he finds the right angle (right side up). I love watching him twirl the cup around in a circle until he find the perfect position! Another funny story...Elliot was dressing Micah the other morning. I had given him the clothes and walked into the kitchen to clean up after breakfast. I glanced over at the two of them...and had to point out to Elliot that I usually prefer to take the pajamas OFF before dressing him! We had a good laugh over that. Finally, our latest challenge has been tempertantrums. Micah is definitely entering the terrible twos. We are finding meal time particularly difficult. He will throw a fit and chuck his food on the floor. I cannot decide if he throws a fit because we let him get too hungry, or if it is because he has very specific wants and we just keep guessing wrong. Either way, it has made meal time a bit of a challenge. Sometimes, it is as simple as giving him the WHOLE pancake instead of cutting it up. Other times, we have to just give up and give him fruit. I hope things get easier.

We have had a few incidents with "aggressive behavior" from Micah. Apparently, he bit another child at daycare on Friday. I think some of his behavior has a lot to do with his lack of language - he gets frustrated and does not know how to express it. I am working on his language and trying to teach him appropriate behaviors. I hope that we can get through this phase soon. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm happy to listen! I'm also a bit concerned about some of these behaviors because of our family history with ADD. I think later this summer I am going to take Micah to get evaluated. I do not think we'll get any type of diagnosis at such a young age, but I'm hoping maybe the doctor can give me some good techniques for managing his behavior and pointing him in a better direction.

Okay - I guess that is all I've got right now. Keep your fingers crossed that everything falls into place and works out better than I have planned. Also, a little good news about my mom tomorrow would be great, too.

Crazy Day

Wow...I'm exhausted. Micah woke up on the late side yesterday, and we did a mad dash to get hi to his art class before daycare...only to find out they canceled the class and forgot to tell us. We dropped him at daycare and came home. We got a bit of work done, but then we ran out to go to my condo to work on getting it ready for sale next week. We spent about an hour cleaning things out, then went to my my midwife appointment. The baby was doing well - I'm still 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced (or so). I was hoping for some more progress, but no such luck! I think she will be staying put for a little while longer. My belly was measuring around 35 weeks (I never got bigger than that with Micah). They did my group B strep test...let's hope it comes back negative!

After the appointment, we came home. I finished putting a few things away, got a bit more work done, and then the architect and the builder came by. We talked about the new bid, finalized a few other pieces of information - and now we wait for a formal written bid (hopefully to come in on Monday). If the bid comes back as promised, we are all set to move forward and get these renovations on the road! Right after our meeting, Elliot ran out to pick Micah up from daycare. He did not nap at all yesterday, so cranky does not even begin to describe Micah's mood last night. He was really difficult all through dinner, and we finally gave in and just put Sesame Street on for an hour before taking him upstairs for a bath and bedtime.

Micah woke a bit on the early side this morning (just before 8). He was still pretty cranky through breakfast, unfortunately. The babysitter, Christin, arrived at 9:00, and she helped keep him calm and get him dressed. My father showed up around 9:45 - it was the first day of the new semester of his Kidville classes, and unfortunately, I screwed up and scheduled an ultrasound during class. I wanted to go with Micah and Christin to show her the ropes, but I just couldn't be in two places at once. My father volunteered to come down and go in with them so she would not have to do it on her own. Apparently, they had a great time - my father left the first class for a bit to run errands, but he was a huge help getting them down there and all settled into class.

While they were in class, Elliot and I went for the ultrasound. Twoey looked great...she is still head down. She was measuring at about 35 weeks (same as Micah at this point). They guestimated her weight at around 5 lbs 15 ozs (which I think is a bit smaller than they predicted for Micah at this point). I think she is going to be small like Micah. They confirmed a whole lot of hair again, too, so I think we are going to have another baby with crazy hair! She passed her biophysical profile with flying covers, scoring a perfect 8/8.

We made it home around 11:30. We scheduled Micah for back-to-back classes, so they did not come home until about 12:30. My father left and went about his day, and Christin fed Micah lunch. Our organizer, Leslie, showed up here around 12:00 - I immediately took her upstairs to help me finish digging out the bedroom. In the corner of the bedroom, I've had one last box that I never unpacked after we moved in, and a pile of a few other things. Since I gave up my office when we moved here, I don't really have a place to store all of my papers and business items. Unfortunately, they've been getting a bit unwieldy. We sorted the box, sorted all of my papers, divided everything up for filing, and threw out several bags of unnecessary junk. I now have a space in the room to put a small dresser for Twoey's clothing until we move into our bigger place. I feel SOOO much better to have unloaded a bit more (and Leslie also attacked Elliot's half of the room and unloaded a bunch of his junk, too). So, things are looking up - we've significantly de-cluttered, which will make packing up to move MUCH easier (and I don't have to feel like keeping the baby in our bedroom is a health hazard!).

Micah went down for his nap a little after 1:00 pm. While I was working with Leslie, Christin brought her friend Megan over (who previously babysat for us). Megan is thinking about changing her job, and might be interested in working for us as Micah and Twoey's nanny beginning in September!! I'm so excited - if this works out, it really will be a great solution for us. She is responsible, good with children, and she is willing to work for a very reasonable amount of money since she is only 20 and has never been a nanny before (although she has TONS of babysitting experience). She would like to be a party planner when she "grows up" and my father has a lot of party planning connections (he owns a stationery business and does a lot of work in that field). We think we can hire her and help get her some internships/other part-time work in the party planning industry. Our hope is that she'll work for us for two years full time (and maybe another year or so part-time), and that as our need decreases, we can slowly help her take off on the career of her dreams. Let's see if this works out!

At 3:00, Leslie left. I was amazed at how much we accomplished in three hours. My mom normally comes on Thursday nights for date night, but she has had a rough week at work (and an unexpected trip to the dentist), so I told her she could take the night for herself if she needed it. She apologized, but decided to head home after work. I'm just so lucky she gives us as much time as she does! Since Christin is desperate for more hours and to earn more money, I asked her if she would mind staying later tonight. She happily agreed! When Micah woke up from his nap, she asked if she could take him over to her mom's (Laura's) house. Laura babysits my friend Niki and Eric's kids on Thursdays (that is how I found Christin last year), and Micah loves playing with them and loves going to their house. I said it was fine, and off they went! They played in the baby pool, and played with trains. Christin called and asked if they could stay at Laura's house through dinner, and I said that was fine. When they took off, Elliot and I decided to head back to my condo to finish emptying it and do all the touch-up painting that needed to be done. By the way, I love those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers - they did a great job removing all kinds of scuffs and issues. We stayed there for about 2 1/2 hours, decided not to do anything more for date night, then made it back here before Micah's bedtime. We walked through the door, and Micah was sitting quietly, cuddling with Christin, and all dressed in his pajamas. We got to spend some time with him and put him to bed, so it was a nice evening. Christin took off after a VERY long day, but they both seemed to have a great time (and we managed to accomplish a lot today).

I can't believe we still have another day left this week! I'm looking forward to the long weekend. We are going out to dinner on Saturday night with all of my cousins. We are thinking of having a few people over on Monday afternoon/evening for a Memorial Day....gathering. Very small and low-key, but hopefully it will be fun. We want to keep it small and simple (I am not up for working too hard...and I want to be able to easily cancel if I go into labor).

So...happy Memorial Day Weekend!!

It's French Open Time!!

I am an avid tennis fan...and I'm so excited to be watching the French Open again! Personally, I'm in love with Rafael Nadal, and I truly despise Roger Federer. I'm so glad to see Rafa back in top form and ready to reclaim his title (that Federer won last year by default). I also still love watching Andy Roddick...but clay just isn't his surface. As for the women...I hate Justine Henin, and I'm definitely rooting for the Williams sisters.

This afternoon (after his nap), Micah came downstairs to hang out with me for a bit - he took one look at the tennis on the tv and broke out into a huge grin. He started pointed at the screen and clapping, and saying...."bah-ball." Yes, according to Micah, all balls, and all games played with a ball, are, by definition, basketball. Okay, we'll have to work on that part, but he did love watching tennis. He sat snuggled up with me and we watched Roddick play today. He screamed "Whoa" when they hit the ball, and "boom" when the ball hit the net. He clapped when they scored points, and he screamed with joy when the players got into nice long rallies. Yes, I think I'm grooming a tennis fan, much to his daddy's chagrin. His daddy was so worried that he removed Micah from the tennis and took him grocery shopping.

This morning, the babysitter came to help take care of Micah. She arrived at 9:00 this morning, but could only stay until 1:00. She fed him breakfast and got him dressed, took him to play at the park, fed him lunch then put him down for a nap. During that time, I managed to pack my hospital bag, shovel out the bedroom from a bunch of junk, and make Elliot clean up his junk, too. It feels so much better to have made a dent in the mess. I also got a bunch of work done. I really like having the extra help around right now!

I'm still having pretty constant contractions. The more I do, the worse they get. I'm very interested to find out whether I've made any progress since last week...but I doubt it. We shall see - my appointment is at 1:45 tomorrow.

Yesterday, I took my dog to the vet - her breathing was very labored again, and her hacking cough had returned. I was fairly certain that fluid was backing up in her lungs again. The doctor examined her and agreed. The good news was that there was only *some* fluid in her lungs. He decided to double her dosage of Lasix for the next two weeks. If she does well, then he will try to reduce the dosage again and see if she will maintain that way. I am supposed to take her back for another re-check either Wednesday or Friday.

Micah has been talking up a storm lately. He is starting to put words together (like "Hi there"). He knows a bunch of body parts (head, foot, belly, tongue, mouth, nose, eyes). He is saying the word "more" now (he used to just sign it), and he definitely says "hi" and "bye-bye" all the time. He is recognizing animals more and more, and he knows a bunch of the sounds animals make - his favorites are "quack" and "moo." He loves to watch the birdies, and he is still a huge kissy-monster. He climbs all over the furniture and runs laps around the house.

I have to say, I am going to miss this time with Micah as my only child. I'm so excited to meet Twoey and get to know her, and I'm excited to see Micah become a big brother. But, at the same time, I sometimes wish I had more time with just Micah as my only focus. I love how we snuggle, and I love our time alone together in the mornings. I adore him - I truly think he is the cutest, sweetest thing that ever walked the earth, and I am just filled with love for him. I know I will love Twoey every bit as much as Micah, and I know there will be plenty of room in my life for both of them. But, this time with just Micah is special, and in a way, I know it will be a loss for both of us - it will never again be just the two of us, and I guess I'm sorry that I can't give more of this special time to him.

I saw this posted online this week, and it really struck me...I think it articulates many of my fears about expanding our family, and perhaps my hope for how it will be:

Walk along holding your 4-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.” And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t,” knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Renovations Update

I've spoken a lot about our home renovations, but have not had the opportunity to get specific. As you may have read here before, Elliot and I have had significant struggles trying to decide where to live. My first choice was to move - a bit further out into the suburbs so we could get a really nice, spacious house with a yard. Elliot wanted to live in the same area where we live now (where the lots are smaller, houses are smaller and older, and much more expensive). Long story short...we couldn't seem to agree, so I gave in and agreed to do a renovation. Ultimately, I knew we had the baby coming, and I was afraid if I didn't give in, we'd still be "discussing" it when the baby arrived we'd be in big trouble!

Elliot was convinced that we could add on all the rooms we wanted and have it done before the baby was born (I knew this would never happen, but I agreed anyway). We worked with an initial builder/architect team, and they gave us some nice plans...but it wasn't what we wanted. The bedrooms were all way too small, they left a lot of under-utilized space, and for the amount they were charging, I truly felt we should be getting more. As I thought about it, I realized we could end up...stuck...in this house. While Elliot swears he'll move in 5-7 years anywhere I want, I just don't believe he'll suddenly cooperate when the time comes (he promised he'd move anywhere I wanted this year, and he changed his tune this time, too). So, my feeling is if we are going to be stuck here, then this house better offer just about everything I could possibly want in a house, or I'd spend my life wishing we had done more with the renovations and regretting my decision to settle for less.

Ultimately, my goal was 3 bedrooms and an office upstairs (ideally 4 bedrooms plus an office, but I did not think that would be feasible). I wanted an eat-in kitchen, separate dining room, family room, living room and an office (Elliot and I both work from home, so we each need an office) on the main floor. I just wanted a bigger rec room area and some unfinished storage space in the basement. A garage and a bigger yard would have been nice, too, but hey, our lot is only 5200 square feet - I don't see how we are going to grow more yard any time soon!

After having some challenges with our first builder/architect, we started to talk to another architect. We immediately liked his proposals, and decided to pursue working with him. We ran into one snag early on - the initial plan (a two story addition in the rear and a one story addition on the side) just wasn't working out - we could not make the bedrooms adequate (even after the renovations, the bedrooms would barely be 8x9). After discussion with the builder, he told us it would only cost a bit more to do a two-story addition on both the back and side. We decided to bite the bullet and absorb the extra cost so we could have 4 good-sized bedrooms and an office upstairs.

As we moved forward and got to the point of finalizing the plans, the builder (who has been involved from the beginning to keep us on budget and inform us if the decisions we were making were increasing the budget) told us the current "bottom line" for the job - and we were shocked. Apparently, we were more than 20% over our budget. We knew we had increased the scope and our budget, but the final bid was way over where he indicated we would be. We spent several weeks trying to cut back on the expenses and figure out what inflated the budget, but the price just kept creeping up. It seemed that every time we agreed to cut something out, the cost of the project failed to drop accordingly - we were getting less and less for the same price. We were at an impasse...lots of money invested in the architectural fees, and not enough money to move forward with the project.

Our architect suggested we get another bid from a different builder. That bid just came back today, and it puts us 10% under our budget!! Not only that, it includes a few upgrades we had previously planned to give up (like a custom bathroom, hardwood floors, etc.). We are quite relieved - that gives us room for unexpected costs and some budget creep. So, I believe that we are ready to move forward - finalize the plans, file for permits, and get this show on the road. If all goes according to plan, we should be able to break ground in July or August. We are planning to put my condo on the market (hopefully sell before we break ground) and then move into an apartment for a few months during the renovations.

So, here it is...our home renovation plans. In 2008, we completely gutted the house - we re-studded and insulated the walls, removed a few walls to open up the floor plan, redid the kitchen and bathrooms. Currently, our house has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms upstairs (we also converted one of the original 3 upstairs bedrooms into a master bathroom and a master bedroom closet). On the main floor, we have a kitchen, dining room (more like an eat-in kitchen), living room and a half bathroom. Downstairs, we have a utility room/laundry room, a small office with a bathroom, and a small rec room area. I have highlighted in yellow the areas that are the existing house - as you can see, we are putting an addition on all 3 levels off both the back of the house and the side of the house. Ambitious, isn't it?

Here is our new proposed First Floor Plan (click on the pictures to enlarge them for a close-up look):


The only thing we will be changing in the existing part of the house is the stairwell. Right now, the stairs for the house are directly in front of the door when you enter the house. We will be moving those stairs to the back of the house in the new addition, and in place of the stairs we will have 2 closets - a coat closet and a food pantry. Additionally, the existing living room area will become our formal dining room.

We are making more significant changes on the second floor. In the existing part of the house, the new foyer and the new bedroom on the left are our existing Master Bedroom. The hallway bathroom in the existing section is our current master bathroom. That "new" bedroom will likely become a guest bedroom. The second "new" bedroom was formed from the existing stairs, existing hallway bathroom, our existing master bedroom closet, and the front half of Micah's existing bedroom. The two closets in the back of that bedroom are the back half of Micah's existing bedroom. We will be creating a brand new master bedroom/closet/bath on the side of the house, and the rear addition will give us another new bedroom (likely for the baby), an office, and the new stairs. Here is a draft of the second floor plans:


Finally, in the basement we are only making minor modifications to the existing area. The new laundry room area is where our current stairwell exists. We are simply bringing the washer and dryer out of the utility room and giving it its own space. We are leaving the rest of the basement as is, adding an unfinished storage area in the back, and a finished rec room area on the side. So, here are the basement plans:


I'm still dreading this project - I think it will easily take 6-9 months, and if our past experience is any indication, it could even take longer. I guess we'll just have to make it work.