The things they don't tell you

At the risk of sounding as if I'm complaining about motherhood, I am about to blog about all the things "they" don't tell you about motherhood. Make no mistake - I LOVE my Micah, and I LOVE being a mommy. Micah is absolutely adorable, and I'm constantly amazed by how he is growing and developing. He has the most wonderful smile - every time I see it light up his face, my heart melts.

So . . . back to the point of my blog - the things they don't tell you about having a baby.

BREASTFEEDING. I've mentioned this a bunch of times, but breastfeeding is not easy. Let's start with the fact that latching should be easy, but it isn't always. Then, factor in issues of supply. Then move on to the demand factor - you have to be the one completely available to your little one 24 hours a day to provide for his/her eating needs. When you are exhausted, or overwhelmed, or sick, YOU still have to be the primary one responsible for feeding your baby. It is an enormous responsibility, and there is very little feedback to reassure you that you are doing it right. Taking time off? Not really an option - even if you step away, you still have to make sure to pump enough to keep the supply up. I think bottle-feeding moms really do have an advantage because they gain far more independence and can much more easily share this responsibility with a spouse.

PLAYING. It sounds strange, but I'm never sure that I am playing with Micah enough . . . or stimulating his brain development sufficiently. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what to do, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. Other times, I just want to sit quietly with him, and I wonder if I'm wasting precious moments when I should be teaching him something. I have no idea whether we are supposed to fill every waking second (when they are not eating) with learning.

IDENTITY. I blogged about this before, but I really feel like I've lost myself a bit. My whole life now revolves around this little tiny life, and sometimes I feel like I've lost me. I'm working hard to find me again and re-establish that balance, but it is much harder than I realized.

INDEPENDENCE. I find it difficult to go out for extended periods of time. Much of this may have to do with the fact I am breastfeeding, but it is difficult to figure out how to leave Micah for long stretches of time. Even figuring out how to pump when I am out is challenging. As a result, I feel like I do not have time to get things done . . . either my work, or even spending time with friends, or getting my nails done. I know that moms are able to balance this when they go back to work, but I guess I am a bit more nervous about testing the waters because we JUST got my supply established the past few weeks, and I'm so afraid of messing it all up. My goal over the next few weeks is to figure out how to give myself some space when I need it - maybe have a few days a week that we bottle feed Micah during the day to give me a bit of a break. I am really ready to be able to take the day off and either let Elliot have a full day with Micah or ask my parents to babysit. Now that he is sleeping through the night, it would be so easy to let him stay at his Grammy and Goppy's house overnight.

SLEEP. I'll throw a bone to the sleep deprivation factor, although I don't sleep much in the first place. I have to say, I did not think this would affect me at all, and I was amazed by how difficult the first few weeks were. With all of the feeding issues I was having, I really did not get ANY sleep in the beginning. They tell you to nap when the baby is napping, but if you are feeding every 2-3 hours from the START of a feed, and if the feeding takes over 1 hour, and then it takes another 15-20 minutes to pump (factoring in the setup and cleanup) . . . well, you are at 2 hours, and it is time to start over again! I would say I'm lucky - by the 2 week mark, Micah was sleeping 4-6 hours without interruption overnight, and that immediately gave me my normal sleep schedule back, so my sleep deprivation was short-lived.

Belated post - 2 month appointment

I either forgot to post an update a few weeks ago about Micah's 2 month checkup . . . or I am so confused that I can't find the post! We took him in on February 16 and he weighed 9 lbs 5 ozs!! He is getting so big. We showed the doctor how he rolled over, and he was impressed by how strong our little guy is. He increased his dosage of Zantac, and then my little guy had his shots. Luckily, it was only 2 shots and an oral vaccine. He SHRIEKED so loudly, and he had this horrible sobbing cry - I've never heard him cry so intensely. He has had other shots, but this one seemed to hurt more. I think this nurse was a little rough . Right after the shot, I nursed him, and he seemed to calm down almost immediately. He slept most of the day (right through our Baby & Me class), and when he did wake up, he just cranked and cried. I held him close and fed him and rocked him back to sleep. He woke up around 7 pm and he was smiling and happy again, and he ended up sleeping through the night that night. We had a rough day the next day (mostly because we got off our napping schedule), but he bounced back pretty quickly. I hated seeing him hurt, but we were lucky - no real bruising.

Micah Smiles

More Micah video . . . . I can't help myself!




And while I'm here, pictures of the week:

These are a few of my favorite things . . .

After 2 1/2 months, I would say that these are a few of our favorite things . . . .

• Video Monitor (click here to read an entire post about this)
  
• Fisher Price Papasan Cradle Swing
  
• Fisher Price Rainforest Bouncy Seat
• Secure Incline Sleeper
  
• Summer Newborn-to-Toddler Bath Center and Shower
  
• Aveenobaby bath & body wash
• Hooded bath towels
  
• Sunshine Kids Car Easy View Mirror (I love being able to watch Micah through the mirror - and this simple inexpensive one works great!)
• Tiny Love Lights & Music Playmat
• Graco Pack 'N Play (with changing table)
• Balmex or Desitin - I'm hating the Butt Paste - it is yellow so it always looks like I forgot to clean off all the poop, and it smells like cinnamon - that is just so wrong.
• Sleepy Wrap (Elliot is liking the Ergo carrier . . . I don't get to use it much, though)
• Medela Pump-in-Style and SOFT breast shields
  
• First Years Breastflow Bottles (GREAT for breastfeeding moms - or for breastfeeding babies that are not taking to the bottle)
• Playtex Ventaire Wide Mouth (slow flow nipple - good for breastfeeding moms - wide mouth more similar to breast)
  
• Medicine dispenser pacifier
• Hooter Hider (now known as the Bebe Au Lait)
• Swaddle . . . either the Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe or the Halo SleepSack Swaddle
• Pacifier clip (for attaching the pacifier to the baby's clothing)
  
• Sleep Sheep/Dexbaby sound machine
• Hands-free pumping bra
  
• Lullaby CDs (Rockabye lullabies - U2, Beatles, Einstein Baby Classics)
• Childrens CDs (Free to Be You and Me, Sesame Street Platinum, Really Rosie)
• Nursing bras (and sleeping nursing bras)
• Medela or Lansinoh breast pads
• Prefold Cloth diapers (we use these as burp clothes, for putting on top of the changing table cover and in the Pack 'N Play changing table to keep things from getting dirty)
• Pampers Swaddlers Diapers (if you have a skinny baby, these seems to fit better - it also has a notch for the cord cut out, and they come in sensitive AND in preemie size)
  
• Footed zip up outfits
• Side snap shirts or side snap onesies - these are SOOO much easier to put on/take off early on. Regular onesies must go over the head, but the side snaps do not.
  
• Long sleeve shirts with the built-in mittens (only good for the winter time)

Here is some video of Micah in my new sleepy wrap:

I've lost the weeks . . . .

It is funny - all throughout pregnancy, you have to be extremely cognizant of how many weeks along you are. Every Monday was our "flip" day, and Elliot and I would sit down and read the different tickers from baby gaga to hear how big Micah was growing and what developmental milestones he should be hitting. It was a little ritual for us, and we loved doing it. Once the contractions hit at 28 weeks, every week was another significant milestone - it meant Micah was a little safer if he was born early, and more likely to make it to full-term. I remember celebrating when we hit 36 weeks and felt we had left the "danger" zone for Micah.

Once Micah arrived, we continued counting in weeks. There was his actual age, and his adjusted gestational age (since Micah was a bit early, they often adjusted his age for hitting different developmental milestones). The weeks were important - for when he should return to his birth weight, for when breastfeeding (well, frankly eating in general) should be easier, etc. Then somewhere around 8 or 9 weeks, Micah hit the "2 month mark" and I haven't looked back. I can tell you that Micah is over 2 months old now, but I generally can no longer tell you how many weeks. It is a graduation of sorts - we no longer need to think in weeks - we can think in terms of months!

Oh, in case you were wondering . . . I did go count on my calendar, and Micah is now 11 1/2 weeks old.