Hunger Strike

Apparently, Micah is on a hunger strike. I'm still trying to discern the exact political message he is trying to communicate, but for now, all I know is that he will not eat. He is refusing to nurse, he is refusing the bottle (with both breast milk and formula), and he is refusing the sippy cup. He is even being difficult about eating his meals. I called the doctor, and the nurse told me he must be sick. I explained that he was not sick, but she did not seem to believe me. Then she told me I should bring him in for a weight check to see if he had gained enough weight in the past 2 months. Again, I explained to her that I was certain he had put on at least 2 lbs in the past 2 months, so a weight check would not tell us anything about the past week.

This morning, Micah did nurse a little bit. I called the doctor again, but this time, I was able to speak directly to the doctor (our pediatrician's office has the doctors answer the phone and take questions every morning from 8:30 - 9:00). She said that she would not worry about it as long as he gets some milk every day and continues to pee and poop. She said it could be a phase, it could be teething, or he could just not be needing as much milk right now. So, we'll keep weighing Micah, hope he does not lose weight, and hope for the best!

In the meantime, if you learn about any international hunger strikes to stand up for a cause (maybe for those in Darfur?), let me know - I'd like to better understand my son's political leanings.

Catching up

Once again, I am WAY behind on updates. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I just cannot seem to find the time to blog. I guess I should pick back up with an update on my brother - he got out of the hospital on Friday, July 24, and immediately drove out of town to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert in Hershey. Paige and Peyton came to stay at my parents' house, and we had a great time. On Friday, we took the girls to a singing story hour and playspace time at Kidville. Kidville is this wonderful play and learning place for children. They offer all kinds of music, gym, education, art and language development classes. All summer, they have been sponsoring free story times and playspace events (almost every week), and Little Maestro Concert, pizza and playspace events. Micah loves going (we are enrolled in a class there this Fall), and it seemed like a perefect thing for Paige and Peyton. They had such a good time!

Saturday was a day at the pool - another fun day with the girls. They pushed Micah around in his floaty, played with toys, and it was a wonderful afternoon! I'm amazed by how much Micah is developing - he now prefers to "walk" around the pool in his floaty - feet on the ground and standing tall. Saturday night, Elliot and I went over to Niki and Eric's house for dinner and hanging out. We picked up Indian food along they way. It was the first time in a few months we tried putting Micah to bed while we were out, and it was a smashing success! He fell asleep in their pack and play, transferred easily to his car seat, and did not wake up when we transferred him into the crib!

On Sunday, my cousin Trenna arrived with her 4 year old son Zander for a week-long visit. We all gathered at my parents' house on Sunday afternoon/evening for dinner and catching up. Micah went to bed in the pack and play, and again transferred easily back home. On Monday, I did not get to spend any time with Trenna and Zander - they went downtown with my father to do a bit of sightseeing. Zander loves the movie Night at the Museum, so they spent the day visiting all the museums and following a map of movie highlights. My babysitter Christin was with us all day, and I tried to get some work done. I had mah jong on Monday night, so Trenna and I made plans to meet on Tuesday. She was hoping to take Zander to the zoo. They were predicting rain most of the week, so she decided to just take him down on the first clear day. Tuesday brought some oppressive heat, and I was totally stressed about work and worried about exposing Micah to the heat. I needed to give a webinar in the afternoon, and I did not think I could go out and get back in sufficient time to do my work. Unfortunately, I bailed on the trip to the zoo, so Trenna and Zander had to go alone. When they returned, Elliot made dinner for us. We ate together and Micah and Zander played. It was so sweet to see the boys hanging out together - Micah was totally enamored of his big cousin! While Trenna was here, I began working on my shoe cake for my friend Jamie's birthday.

On Wednesday, we hosted playgroup at our house. I got a bit of work done in the early morning and in the afternoon, then went off to my parents' house for dinner. Once again, Micah fell asleep in the pack and play and transferred without any difficulty. This new discovery has completely freed us! We now know we can go out a bit more at night and bring Micah along. When we got home Thursday night, I finished making the shoe for my cake.

Thursday, Micah went to Christin's house for the day while I worked and decorated a cake. I got all dressed up and went out for dinner with my friends, and we had a blast! It was our first real girls' night out without babies and husbands, and it was just a fun evening - lots of laughter, a little too much wine, and some good food.

On Friday, Trenna, Zander, Micah and I drove to see Jen, Jeremy and the girls in Baltimore. We went to a pirate story hour in Fells Point, then took a ferry ride across to Tide Point to visit my brother's office and have lunch with him. We got back to our house just in time to attend a Little Maestros concert and playspace event at Kidville. Once again, Zander and Micah had a great time! Zander loved the music, so I bought him a CD so he could remember this trip. After the concert, we went for dinner at my parents' house again, and spent the rest of the evening together.

Saturday was another pool day with the kids. It was a beautiful, fun, relaxing day. We went out for dinner at Noodles & Company, ran a few errands, then called it a night. I spent most of Sunday recuperating from my week.

Monday and Tuesday I was back to the grindstone with work. Christin was out of town, so her friend Lauren came to babysit Micah. She was great, and she will be available in the Fall to cover Tuesdays and Thursdays when Micah is not in daycare.

In the middle of all the insanity the past few weeks, we bought a new coffee table! It is just a basic one from Crate & Barrel, made of wood, two drawers and an open shelf on the bottom. Micah loves to try and crawl onto the shelf, and today he managed to pull the stack of papers off the shelf. He loves to use the shelf for pushing up - it might become his favorite hiding space in the very near future. We did have one emergency bath today - the babysitter was changing Micah's diaper, and he had a double pee explosion, sans diaper. He needed a bath because he managed to pee all over his hair!

What else can I say? Micah turns 8 months old in 10 days!! He is growing every day by leaps and bounds. Sometimes, I think he is saying "hi." He is definitely a crazy waving machine, and he even knows it means "hi." Every time he sees someone new or a familiar face, he breaks into a big grin and starts waving like crazy. Micah uses his entire arm to wave - it kind of looks like he is trying to fly away. I really do need to catch some video of that this week! He is standing all the time now, and getting pretty close to pulling himself up. He is going to be all kinds of trouble as he grows. He definitely has a stubborn streak (wonder where he gets that from?), and he seems to grab and get into everything. He is now sticking his hand out of the crib and stealing stuff off the night table. I either need to clear the night table or move it. Changing his diaper is an exercise in dexterity - he is definitely a moving, rolling target. He loves to eat, and he now enjoys three big meals each day. He also gets a snack in the afternoons - he loves MumMums and cereal or puffs. He is just now starting to get the hang of picking up small pieces of food and putting them in his mouth. We've slowly started to try some chunkier food, and he has been handling it all well. He is slowly learning to play "So Big" and he is army crawling/rolling/pivoting all over the place. He is desperately trying to crawl. He likes to move from a sit to all fours, he usually does one crawl, and then he collapses to his belly.

We just started changing his closet over to the 6-9 months size. My little guy is finally outgrowing his 3-6 month clothing. I have a feeling we won't be in these clothes too long - he'll be ready to move up to 12 months within two months, I would guess.

As for weaning...well, that is not going quite as quickly as I expected (which is totally my fault). Micah is down to nursing about 4 times a day (sometimes 5). I no longer pump at night before bed, but frankly, giving him a bottle and pumping is much more hassle than nursing him when we are both at home. At this rate, I probably won't really commit to weaning him until he is in daycare 3 days a week. I am hoping to be able to quickly drop the pumping session at that point, start using up my freezer stash of milk, then slowly switch over to formula. I'm not sure when/how I will drop the morning and night nursing sessions, but he needs to be willing to take the bottle for all of his meals by mid-September as I am going to be in Atlanta for work for 4 days, and I have decided to leave him behind with my parents (since Elliot will be attending the conference, too). I guess that week will be a good time to begin cutting back on the pumping.

As for my diet - well, let's just say "what diet?" I fell off the wagon, and hard. I think I started to diet prematurely - it was causing issues with my milk supply, and while I was thrilled about that at first, Micah was quite unhappy and dissatisfied, and it made him grumpy and unwilling to take a bottle. I added some carbs back in to help the supply, and Micah finally seemed contented, and he is back to taking his bottle. But once the carbs started sneaking in, it was all downhill!

Okay - I'll have to add some more descriptive pictures and video when I have some free time. I will do my best to stay on top of blogging this week!

Breastfeeding

After all this time, I'm still breastfeeding Micah. As you know, I actually have not loved breastfeeding, but I continued to do it because I thought it was good for Micah and I was worried about my allergy to the infant formula. When I initially began breastfeeding, I hoped to make it to 3 months, and then if all went well, I would continue to 6 months (if it was convenient). I never really expected to make it this far, and I have to admit that I always thought women who breastfed beyond 6 months were crazy. So, why am I still breastfeeding? I have no idea.

Maybe it is because weaning Micah means he is officially a "big boy" and I'm not ready for that. Maybe it is because I fought so hard for this and Micah is doing so well that I am afraid to rock the boat by introducing formula. Maybe it is because I am afraid he will develop my allergy. Or maybe I'm just not ready to let go. I wish I knew, because I really, truly am sick of all the stuff that comes with breastfeeding - pumping, being tied down, worrying about supply, and frankly the responsibility.

I keep saying "next week" I am going to switch to exclusively bottle-feeding him breast milk during the day, and when my milk supply drops, I'll start replacing with formula and I'll cease pumping. My biggest challenge? I hate pumping, so I don't feel like bottle feeding him and pumping when breast feeding is easier. I could start skipping a session and just give him formula, but I think I'm afraid if I skip a feeding time for a few days, my supply will completely dry up overnight. Part of me keeps waiting for a sign - the doctor to tell me he isn't gaining weight fast enough, or for my supply to suddenly disappear or for Micah to refuse to nurse, but that hasn't happened. So I keep going along and nursing him. Maybe when he is at 7 months, I'll switch to bottle feeding him the frozen stash of breastmilk I have, and when that runs out, I'll start giving him formula? We shall see.

Right now, things are going well. It seems that Micah has dropped from 6 nursing sessions to only 5 most days. Each time I think I've had enough, he makes it easier for me! We'll see how much longer I hang in there.

Drivin' & Pumpin'

Yes, it is true . . . you can pump and drive. I know I should not admit that I have done this, but on Monday I felt as if I had no choice. I had a crazy day on Monday - running around in the morning and dropping Micah off at daycare for the first time, followed by my meeting downtown. I knew Micah's next bottle was due sometime during my meeting, so I could not pump at that time (don't you think pumping in a meeting would have been worse?). I also knew that by the time I got home, Micah would want to eat again within a short period of time. I was afraid of waiting too long after he had last eaten to pump because it could inadvertently take away some of his needed food. So, when I left my meeting around 4:20, I knew I was easily 45 minutes from home. I called Elliot - he was picking up Micah, and told me Micah had last eaten at 3:40. I thought it through for a few minutes, and decided that I needed to pump, immediately.

I could have just pumped in the car before driving home - that probably would have made the most sense. However, I was parked out on the street, so it wasn't exactly a private location (yeah . . . and driving on the roads is MUCH more private). However, my meter was almost up, and the street parking rules on that block did not allow for parking after 4:30 pm, so I was concerned that a police officer would give me a hard time. I discretely put on my pumping bra, hooked up the pump, and put it on its battery-powered setting. I was smart in how I had dressed - I had on a blazer, so my sides were well covered, and I had on a sleeveless shirt underneath that I was able to pull down over the pumping attachments. So, nothing was showing and I was hands-free. After considering my options another moment . . . I put the car into gear, and hit the road. The first 15 minutes of the trip, I was all hooked up and pumping. At one of the lights, I turned off the pump after my time was up. It was pretty uncomfortable to be hooked up, and I was paranoid that people would look at the car window and wonder about the strange shapes causing my shirt to protrude. I also became panicked that the cups would fall off and all that precious milk would spill in the car. So, at each of the lights, I slowly worked at unhooking the pump, combining the bottles, and capping the milk. I was quite impressed with my abilities!

So . . . note to self . . . it is definitely safe to pump and drive.

Poll results and more about us!

Well, after my mother shamed me for failing to post an update since MONDAY, I am doing my best to come up with something interesting to post. Elliot & I are sitting here, watching the end of an era on tv (the last episode of ER) while we listen to the beginning of a new era on the video monitor (Micah). Tonight, our tv is accompanied by the enjoyable sounds of The Beatles - the lullaby version. We have been playing music for Micah while he sleeps, and the sounds echo throughout the house over the monitor.

So, let me begin with the results of the poll from my last thread . . . overwhelmingly, most of you voted to cut his hair! We are still ambivalent. It is Jewish tradition to wait at least 1 year to cut a baby's hair. Some even wait 3 years before a first hair cut. Can you imagine if we waited 3 years? Micah's hair would probably be down to his cute little tush! We keep hoping his hair starts to curl up. If it was curly, we could definitely wait longer.

I have a hair appointment set up for me in 2 weeks. I have known my hairdresser, Willy, since I was 7 or 8 years old. Back then, Willy was training to cut hair, and she was the hair washer at the place where I got my haircut. She washed my hair for years, then eventually started cutting it. I won't let anyone else touch my hair. The 2 times I did, it was a disaster. I'm hoping she'll offer to give Micah his first haircut - I think she'd love to have that honor. So, we'll see if we cut his hair in 2 weeks, or if I postpone it a bit longer.

Micah is doing really well. I think *fingers crossed* we are back on schedule with him. I believe we identified the source of the bedtime screaming issues - HUNGER. He must have been going through a growth spurt. With all the traveling, I think I must have missed the milk supply increase, so we are a bit behind the eight ball, so to speak. The past few nights, we've been increasing his food intake by giving him a bottle supplement of pumped breast milk before bed. This eliminated the screaming and bed time became easier. Yesterday, however, was a really rough day. I seemed to "run out" of milk mid-day. We had to give a bunch of bottle supplements, and I was worried about my supply. Luckily, the bottle supplements did the trick, and bedtime went smoothly. Today, I spent the day feeding him on schedule and pumping after each feeding session to try and increase my supply. It seems to have worked, and Micah was ready for bed by 8:00, happy as usual. I nursed him then topped him off with a bottle, and placed him in his crib. We had a few runs upstairs to pop in his paci (he gets restless and squeaks when his paci falls out before he is sound asleep), and then off to lala land he drifted.

Since I am on the subject of Micah sleeping, I will say he is pretty amazing. He moves ALL around the crib while he sleeps. About ten minutes ago, he had managed to turn 90 degrees . . . and now he is back to his vertical position. I am also amazed at how restless he gets. As Elliot says, he is more mobile asleep than awake. Sometimes he gets quite vocal and noisy, and I think he is awake. When I go running in to check on him, I realize he is sound asleep and desperately trying to gnaw his fist off. It is a good thing he doesn't have any teeth yet. Some babies find their hands/fists comforting, but I have noticed that while Micah will suck on his hands, he never seems to be soothed by that. I carefully remove his fist and replace it with a paci, and it is magic! Micah instantly stops moving and fussing and sort of melts into a still, deep sleep. Who knew a pacifier could be such a wonderful thing!

In other news, we've been dealing with ants in the kitchen and our master bathroom. I HATE ants! We called an exterminator (Trey, who lived across the street from me when I was growing up) and he came today. Apparently, we have a special kind of ant (fragrant ants?) and they are living under the front porch. Ironically, these are the same ants at my parents' house . . . coincidence? YOU decide! He sprayed all over outside, and so far, the ants seem to be gone. We may need to spray a few more times to keep them at bay, but for now, all is much improved.

I've been running around crazed all week - business meetings, classes with Micah, work to do, trying to find childcare, and meeting with contractors to discuss whether we should put a small addition on the house to give me an office. Micah's Goppy (my dad) babysat Micah on his own for the first time for a few hours on Tuesday while Elliot and I were at meetings! It was quite a success, and perhaps we'll be able to take advantage of Goppy's babysitting services again. At one of our classes this week, we went to a pottery place (All Fired Up), and we decorated a tile with Micah's name on it and his footprints. I will post a picture when I get it back next week. I can barely see straight this week! I wish I had our child care situation worked out - I'm still nervous about what we will be doing and how to proceed. I really need to have more time available and get more work done.

I don't have any new pictures to post today. My "little" man is now 12 lbs! He is growing rapidly, and I'm afraid to admit that the arms and legs on his size 0-3 month clothes may be getting a bit short. I think it may be time to move him into the next size, and we are probably just another week or two away from size 2 diapers! I can't believe how much he is growing. We have our final Baby & Me class on Monday. I am probably going to have to stop doing as many classes with him if I put him in daycare or get a nanny - which I suppose I have to do anyway since I need to get more work done during the day. In June, I hope to start swim lessons with him, and I'd like to sign up for a music class with a bunch of the other women from our Baby & Me class. We are planning to continue with a playgroup, so that should be fun.

Next week is another crazy week - Wednesday and Thursday night is the beginning of Passover, an 8 day holiday for us. The first two nights are marked by a special dinner known as a seder, and we will be hosting the 2nd seder at our house. Most of Elliot's family will be coming to town to join us, and this is only the 2nd holiday we've hosted together. We are nervous about all the chaos, but also excited to spend time with the family. This will be the 2nd time Micah has met his Poppy Ira and Grandma Roberta. I'm hoping all goes smoothly and that Micah goes to bed easily even with all the commotion in the house. I think Elliot & I will be cooking for the next week. He went out tonight to pick up a turkey and some brisket so we can get started this weekend. I'll give an update next week!

Three Month Photo

With all the craziness going on, I neglected to post about Micah's 3 month photo shoot. At our second month photo shoot, Micah arrived just in time for his feeding. We had to feed him, change his diaper, and basically waste an hour trying to get him in the right frame of mind. Ultimately, it worked - the February pictures were gorgeous! This month, I decided I could time things better. I knew Micah's eating and sleeping schedule, and I was sure I could get him napping and get out the door in perfect time to wake up happy and content for the photos.

Silly me! Micah was hell bent on NOT napping (not really a shock, since we did decide to take his pictures on Friday the 13th). The feeding timing worked out perfectly, and Micah was finally crashing just in time to go in his carseat and drive to the mall. Except . . . Elliot was running late. So Micah sat in the carseat ready to sleep, but progressively got pissy that we weren't going anywhere. We finally got out the door, and Micah fell asleep in the car. Unfortunately, because we only had 20 minutes until the photo session, his nap was cut short. Had we left on time, he would have had a nice long nap. Just my luck!

We went inside to take the pictures. Micah looked adorable in his outfit! The only problem . . . he wouldn't smile. In fact, he kept crying any time we removed his paci. We had a hard time getting a good picture of him. In fact, we only were able to get one good picture - but what a winner!


Click here to see the other photos from the shoot.

The things they don't tell you

At the risk of sounding as if I'm complaining about motherhood, I am about to blog about all the things "they" don't tell you about motherhood. Make no mistake - I LOVE my Micah, and I LOVE being a mommy. Micah is absolutely adorable, and I'm constantly amazed by how he is growing and developing. He has the most wonderful smile - every time I see it light up his face, my heart melts.

So . . . back to the point of my blog - the things they don't tell you about having a baby.

BREASTFEEDING. I've mentioned this a bunch of times, but breastfeeding is not easy. Let's start with the fact that latching should be easy, but it isn't always. Then, factor in issues of supply. Then move on to the demand factor - you have to be the one completely available to your little one 24 hours a day to provide for his/her eating needs. When you are exhausted, or overwhelmed, or sick, YOU still have to be the primary one responsible for feeding your baby. It is an enormous responsibility, and there is very little feedback to reassure you that you are doing it right. Taking time off? Not really an option - even if you step away, you still have to make sure to pump enough to keep the supply up. I think bottle-feeding moms really do have an advantage because they gain far more independence and can much more easily share this responsibility with a spouse.

PLAYING. It sounds strange, but I'm never sure that I am playing with Micah enough . . . or stimulating his brain development sufficiently. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what to do, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. Other times, I just want to sit quietly with him, and I wonder if I'm wasting precious moments when I should be teaching him something. I have no idea whether we are supposed to fill every waking second (when they are not eating) with learning.

IDENTITY. I blogged about this before, but I really feel like I've lost myself a bit. My whole life now revolves around this little tiny life, and sometimes I feel like I've lost me. I'm working hard to find me again and re-establish that balance, but it is much harder than I realized.

INDEPENDENCE. I find it difficult to go out for extended periods of time. Much of this may have to do with the fact I am breastfeeding, but it is difficult to figure out how to leave Micah for long stretches of time. Even figuring out how to pump when I am out is challenging. As a result, I feel like I do not have time to get things done . . . either my work, or even spending time with friends, or getting my nails done. I know that moms are able to balance this when they go back to work, but I guess I am a bit more nervous about testing the waters because we JUST got my supply established the past few weeks, and I'm so afraid of messing it all up. My goal over the next few weeks is to figure out how to give myself some space when I need it - maybe have a few days a week that we bottle feed Micah during the day to give me a bit of a break. I am really ready to be able to take the day off and either let Elliot have a full day with Micah or ask my parents to babysit. Now that he is sleeping through the night, it would be so easy to let him stay at his Grammy and Goppy's house overnight.

SLEEP. I'll throw a bone to the sleep deprivation factor, although I don't sleep much in the first place. I have to say, I did not think this would affect me at all, and I was amazed by how difficult the first few weeks were. With all of the feeding issues I was having, I really did not get ANY sleep in the beginning. They tell you to nap when the baby is napping, but if you are feeding every 2-3 hours from the START of a feed, and if the feeding takes over 1 hour, and then it takes another 15-20 minutes to pump (factoring in the setup and cleanup) . . . well, you are at 2 hours, and it is time to start over again! I would say I'm lucky - by the 2 week mark, Micah was sleeping 4-6 hours without interruption overnight, and that immediately gave me my normal sleep schedule back, so my sleep deprivation was short-lived.

Update on Me

The past few weeks have really been great for me. The hardest part of becoming a mom and staying home all these weeks has been that I feel like I've been losing me. When friends call, I feel tied down and incapable of leaving to go out for a little while. Micah's eating had been a huge consuming part of my life, and has left me a bit unsure about stepping away for too long. When I have friends on the phone, I have lost my ability to hold a conversation - I have nothing to discuss other than Micah. I can talk about poop, or sleeping, or breastfeeding, or how many ounces I can pump. I can tell you the last time I fed the baby, and how many outfits he has worn in any given day . . . but most of these things probably aren't interesting to anyone other than me . . . or possibly Elliot. I don't do anything else during the day, so it is quite difficult to find interesting topics to discuss. I have felt a bit starved for grownup interactions, and I miss doing my work and being able to go to meetings and schedule my calls. I definitely needed this time off, and I'm not ready to fully return to work, but I miss me.

So, the past few weeks I've tried to get a life. I joined a Baby & Me class at the JCC, which has been wonderful! It gets us out of the house once a week, and we interact with other mommies. I don't feel quite so boring because I have lots of other mommies who don't care if I talk diapers and pumping. I have been going to a breastfeeding support group (BEST) that gets me out of the house a second day and I usually go out to lunch after that as well. I am certain I will develop a nice playgroup for Micah from all of these activities. Next month, I am joining the OnesiesDC group - each week for 6 weeks, we will go to a different location for a baby-friendly activity - infant massage, a yoga class, a pottery class, a visit with a pediatrician, a photo session, etc. I am excited to learn what activities are out there for Micah and me!

Perhaps the best things that have happened are Micah finally nursing "normally" and sleeping through the night. Nursing normally allows me the freedom to just feed him - when he wants, when we are out, etc. I now have a stash of breast milk in the freezer, so I don't have a panic about what to do if I have to (or want to) run out. It has been unbelievably freeing! Even better, Micah is now sleeping through the night. We put him down at 8:30 and he sleeps until 6:30 or so. What is amazing about that is I can go out after he is asleep! I can even miss the last feed and go out to dinner and have an evening out. On Wednesday, I left Elliot with a bottle of milk, nursed Micah at 7, then went out to dinner with a friend. It was so freeing to be able to just go out and do my thing for a few hours.

My mom and dad have been great about babysitting. On Sunday night, they came over and watched Micah for a few hours. Elliot & I were able to go out for dinner to celebrate a belated Valentine's Day - our first "date night" since Micah was born. It was some time we needed to recharge our relationship. Of course, we spent the whole time talking about Micah, but at least we got out! Now that we officially have a bedtime routine and Micah is sleeping through the night, I think we are going to start having them babysit AND put Micah to bed so we can take a longer evening to ourselves. My mom actually asked if she could come and do this one night a week!

So, slowly but surely, I'm trying to find myself again. The new me . . . the one that is a mommy, and the one that has a life beyond being a mommy, too. The balance is so important to me - I really want to "have it all." Wish me luck!

2 months today

I can't get over the fact that Micah is 2 months old today. We have been through so much already, and I'm amazed by how much he is growing and changing. Here is a general update on Micah at 2 months:

• Breastfeeding is finally going well! He is latching without a nipple shield, nursing efficiently and able to get what he needs from me without formula or even bottle supplements of breast milk. I'm even able to get in a pumping session every day and now have a bit of a stockpile of breast milk!
• He has graduated this week from the newborn size diaper to a size 1. What a road . . . we started out and the preemie diapers were big on him!
• Micah is officially able to wear the 0-3 month size clothing. He hasn't outgrown the newborn size yet, but that looks like it will happen in the next 2 weeks. I can't believe that the preemie clothes were huge on him when we first brought him home, and now he is wearing those "giant" 0-3 month outfits.
• Micah is holding his head up and can even roll over!
• He has started showing an interest in toys/objects. He is fascinated by the mobile and his playmat, and he now smiles at me and notices when I leave the room. He also recognizes me - he calms down when he sees me or I pick him up. He also is recognizing some of the songs I sing . . . "You are my Sunshine" immediately quiets him down now.
  
• Micah sleeps through the night! He is officially sleeping at least 9 hours at night (I hope I don't regret posting that)!
• We are starting to develop routines . . . for napping, nighttime sleeping, etc. I am actually liking the predictability right now - it is nice to know that I can go out and do something during certain times of the day.
• We've met some wonderful people through our Baby & Me class, and it looks like we have a playgroup forming!
• Micah now enjoys bathtime, and he doesn't shriek bloody murder when we change his diaper.
• Micah can sit quietly awake and not need to be held.
• He is starting to exhibit his personality, and has definite likes/dislikes. I think I have one stubborn little boy!
  

So . . . happy 2-month birthday, my little Valentine.

What a week!

Thought I'd start off sharing some additional pictures from our Florida trip . . . including our visit with his Great Aunt Ellen & Great Uncle Stu. Check out the first picture - when he does this I keep thinking someone has just shouted "stick 'em up" or "you're under arrest!"


Okay . . . back to our regularly scheduled program. This has been a crazy week so far - a really good week, but definitely crazy. On Monday I went to my 6 week checkup. All is going well - I've healed nicely, but it seems I have a yeast infection on my nipples. No wonder breastfeeding has been so uncomfortable!! I was given a prescription for "Newman's Nipple Cream" to try and fix everything.

Right after my appointment, I went to my first Baby & Me class! There were about 10 women in the class, and I think it seems like a really good group. We all just sat around to talk, then we went out to Panera afterwards to grab some lunch. It was nice for me to get out and about and feel like me again.

On Tuesday, I was worried that Micah might also have thrush since I had an infection, so I took him to the doctor. Turns out, he was just fine. We did get to weigh him again . . . and he weighed a whopping 8 lbs 10 ounces!!!! I talked to the doctor about whether Micah has reflux, and he thought it was a definite possibility. He gave us some different formula (which I didn't think would matter since we hardly ever give him formula). We decided to table the discussion on Zantac because Micah had not been crying from the reflux. Naturally, we left the doctor's office, and when we got home, Micah began to cry. And pretty much shrieked for over 8 hours. Nothing made him feel better. He was hiccuping, making choking and wheezing sounds, crying when he spit up . . . I was sure it was the reflux. I tried calling the doctor about 3 hours in, and he had left for the day. The other pediatrician wouldn't prescribe Zantac since Micah was not her patient (seriously?) and when I pushed about what to do, she first told me to let him cry until the next day. I pushed some more, and she suggested children's Maalox. I sent my Dad out to get it . . . only to learn that children's Maalox only comes in pill form. I called the doctor back, and she said "Oops, I meant Mylanta." I then sent Elliot out to look for Mylanta . . . and again, we learned it is not available in liquid. At 8:00 pm, I called the after-hours number . . . and got the same rotten doctor!! She finally gave in, and after giving me some attitude, she called in the Zantac. All I can say is it made a HUGE difference. Micah is doing really well on it!

On Wednesday, Micah was feeling so great that we went out ALL day. We went to the baby store to get gifts for a friend of mine who just had a baby (also named Micah), and then off to Target. After the errands, I went to the breastfeeding support group. Following the support group, two of us then went out for coffee. In the middle of all this, I got a call that one of my friends (whose grandmother had just died) was having Shiva that night. For those of you who do not know, Shiva is a Jewish custom to support the family members of a person who has recently died. Everyone goes to the house, brings food, and is there for a short prayer ceremony that enables them to mourn. The custom is designed to ensure that those in mourning do not have to mourn alone. Anyway, Elliot & I decided to go there, so I took Micah to my parents' house on our way over. We made it home about 10:00 pm - I was out with Micah for 12 hours!!

Thursday was another adventure. I woke up in the morning and took Micah back to Target because I had mistakenly bought the wrong bottle. We then went to pick up Elliot, and we went to the bris for my friend's baby Micah. We spent the afternoon there, then came home. Elliot & I decided we were long overdue for a date night, so my parents came over to babysit. We went out for a few hours to see a one-man comedy show - My Mother is Italian, My Father is Jewish, and I'm Still in Therapy - at the Bethesda Theatre. It was a lot of fun, and so nice to get out just the two of us.

Today we spent the day with Aunt Jen and cousins Paige and Peyton. It was another good day, although Micah seems to cry at the beginning of every car trip (which breaks my heart). I even had time to take a business call before we left! Micah has been so much more alert and awake this week. We've had time to play on the playmat (actually, both my babies were playing together):




and run some errands, too! I can't believe how big Micah is getting. He is having some cranky periods now (very new for me) and he has some fussiness and hours when all he wants is for mommy to hold him. We're working on getting the hang of the new routine.

Here are a few other fun pictures from this week:




And Micah wants to send out a big "hello" and a huge hug & kiss to his Poppy Ira and his Grammy . . . both of whom always make sure to read this blog and keep such close tabs on him! Thank you.

Roll over

Yup, today Micah rolled over. I'm sure it was an accident, but today I put him on his playmat. He got REALLY pissed off, and then he flipped himself over! I was very impressed by my advanced little man.

In other news, we are starting to really get the hang of latching. I'm still not sure if he is getting enough off of me or not, though. I've been really lazy about supplementing and pumping today . . . in my pipe dreams, I can just feed him normally and all is well. I have a feeling I'll regret avoiding my pump tomorrow - but hey, today was kind of nice. I just wish I responded well to the pump - I never seem to get much out at all :(.

So, here are a few pictures to complete the post for the day:

Good Day Today

Today was a good day. My supply seems to be doing a little better (although we still have a way to go), and Micah seems to be eating better. One of my best friends came over today to watch the inauguration and help me out with the feeds. We even managed to go OUT to lunch today! It was the first time I took Micah to a restaurant. We just went down the street, and we made it back in plenty of time. I even got to take a bit of a nap. Micah is currently napping with Elliot on the couch.

I've got another lactation consultant coming tomorrow - wish me luck!

Don't tell me to relax

I REALLY hate when people just tell me to solve a problem by "relaxing." When we were trying to get pregnant, that was a phrase worth murdering over. I mean, seriously, if someone told you they had a blocked artery and were on the verge of having a heart attack, would you tell them "relax and it will go away?" Sometimes, there are real problems and "relaxing" just doesn't make them go away (especially when "stress" isn't the root of the problem). When we were trying to get pregnant, if I had just "relaxed" instead of actively seeking help, we still wouldn't be parents. I don't think seeking help and answers is stressing . . . it is being proactive.

Well, now that I have a baby, my current challenge relates to Micah's eating issues. We have a real problem - it isn't being caused by stress, so I'm fairly certain that "relaxing" won't fix the problem. Problem #1 - Micah doesn't latch well or nurse efficiently. So, we have to use a nipple shield to get him to latch, but he still doesn't nurse efficiently. As a result, we have Problem #2 - a low milk supply. Because he doesn't nurse efficiently, my milk supply is low -which makes it more difficult for him to nurse efficiently. Can you see the catch-22 we have? Then, add in Problem #3 - Micah doesn't have appropriate hunger cues. When left to his own devices, because of the inefficient nursing, he will nurse himself into a state of exhaustion . . . at which point, he is in such deep sleep that he won't wake up to let us know he is hungry and nurse again. Because he doesn't then nurse often enough and efficiently, it affects my milk supply, so then I don't have enough to feed him when he is nursing, etc., etc.

So, I'm in this endless cycle. I can't just follow his cues and let him feed on demand, because he doesn't demand enough, and I don't make enough. We need to increase demand to increase supply, but he isn't capable of increasing his demand. So, I have to help him get the energy to increase the demand. We have to limit his nursing sessions so he doesn't get so exhausted, and we have to help him nurse more efficiently by using techniques like breast compression so he can maximize output in the shorter time. I have to pump after each feeding to increase demand, and I have to actively wake him up and make sure he is eating at least 8 times/day (some say 10-12, but hey - I'm lucky if I can get this guy to eat 8x/day).

Now, the next problem. He also has to gain weight at an appropriate rate - which requires a certain caloric intake. Since I don't make enough milk, we have to supplement with whatever pumped breast milk we can get plus formula. So - a rational person asks how much formula, right? Well, we can't "use the baby" as our guide - he'll fall asleep after a feed even if he hasn't eaten enough . . . and stay asleep for 4-5 hours. So, the only other thing we can do is go by number of ounces of intake. How do you determine how much a nursing baby is getting? Well, you have to weigh him before and after each feed. And, unlike formula-fed babies, a nursing baby can take in vastly different amounts of breast milk with each feed. Micah can take in anywhere from 1 ounce to 2.5 ounces in a feeding on the breast. If he gets 2.5, I do not have to supplement, but if he only gets 1 ounce, I need to supplement. Hard to just "relax" and "wing it" with that kind of range. We tried to just offer him bottles and see if he would take them. The answer is, he will - even if he ISN'T hungry. If he is full and he over-eats, he then vomits, which also isn't good for him.

So, we are stuck in this awful cycle. Or I should say I am stuck in this cycle. Feeding Micah is a real chore, and I have no clear feedback for how much and what he needs. I cannot trust his cues because apparently, he has been suppressing his hunger cues due to exhaustion and self-preservation. So, somehow I need to get him to latch better, nurse better, and increase my supply, and to do this, he needs to be adequately fed NOW, and I have to figure out what that means with no cues from him. And to do all that, the only guide I have is how many ounces he is taking in at each feeding. How, exactly, am I supposed to just "relax?" If I don't pump after each feeding, my supply crashes. If I don't weigh him, I don't know how much to supplement him. If I'm by myself, the process of feeding Micah is horribly challenging - nursing now takes 30-40 minutes, then the diaper change, and the weight checks, and the bottle supplement, and the pumping (and try pumping with a baby who wants to be held after being fed). It just isn't easy to do all alone. But hey . . . maybe if I just relaxed, the baby wouldn't cry, my boobs would pump themselves, he will miraculously start latching and nursing efficiently, and my supply will overnight reach the sustainable level.

Okay - I have to go walk and feed the dog so I can undress the baby, weigh the baby, nurse the baby, weigh the baby, change the baby's diaper, re-dress the baby, bottle supplement the baby, burp the baby, get the baby to relax, and then pump. That ought to leave me about 20 minutes before I start all over again . . . is that enough time to "relax?"

Don't get me wrong . . . I love being a mom - but I wish feeding him wasn't so complicated. We've been doing this routine for one week, and I just don't think this is a workable long-term solution. And please . . . no lectures about just formula feeding or whatever else you think the solution is.

Breast Feeding Support Group

Yesterday, I attended a breastfeeding support group . . . which, I have to say, is kind of a strange thing for me to do. I'm SOOO not a joiner - I hate to be around a group of strangers, and I hate to have to show up somewhere on a schedule. But, we are having issues, I kind of thought it would be nice to meet some other new parents who are dealing with breastfeeding crap, and mostly, I just wanted to get out of the house! I've been so worried about how to take Micah anywhere and deal with feeding, and I figured if I was going to give it a try, being around a lactation consultant and a bunch of breastfeeding women was probably the smartest idea I'd had in a while.

So, I fed Micah and put him in the carseat. I packed up the pump and the diaper bag, and off we went! We got to the session a few minutes late, but it was more of a drop-in session anyway. The group is hosted by the Shady Grove Adventist Health Group, and it is called the B.E.S.T. group. Micah mostly slept the entire time I was there. I have to say, I met several ladies around my age with new children who had dealt with some of the same challenges. It was actually kind of nice to hear! The lactation consultant gave us some good resources and some encouragement. I ended up needing to feed Micah there (and they had a scale so it all worked out for me). I did not realize how difficult it would be to put Micah down and pump there - he just wanted to be held, and I couldn't figure out how to pump and cuddle him at the same time. Every other feeding we've been doing the pumping, Elliot or my mom has been around to hold him while I pump.

The down side to the meeting was one crazy woman who was there . . . I really could write an entire blog post about how inappropriate she was. She kept talking about her upcoming book, and how she was all about being "all natural" so she was going to feed her baby soy milk (um, hello - isn't breast milk the preferred course of action to be "all natural?"). She kept trying to be the "facilitator" for the session - and she was NOT supposed to be the facilitator, nor did she have a clue about breastfeeding. She would take our questions and re-phrase them into something ridiculous and irrelevant and derail the conversation. Anytime side-conversations started (and remember, it is a drop-in, informal support group, so I would think these side-conversations would be desirable) she would ask us to stop talking and save it so she could follow all the different stories. I really wanted to strangle her the entire time. Oh, and did I mention she didn't have a baby yet? She was pregnant and just looking for information, but I really felt someone who was not there with an actual issue shouldn't be DRIVING the discussion - she should have sat back and observed/learned.

So, I learned a lot about nipples and bottles and supplementing and pumping and feeding techniques and got a list of resources for low milk supply. I think I'm now armed and dangerous!

Love/Hate Relationship with Breastfeeding

I would say I am having a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding - and I'm pretty darn sick of it! I kind of thought after having challenges getting pregnant, and then struggling through the pregnancy with morning sickness, UTIs and pre-term contractions, that once Micah was here things would get easier. Naturally, that just wasn't the case. We had all those eating issues the first week. Then, once we got the issues under control and he started gaining weight, I figured it would be smooth sailing from there, right? Wrong again! Micah caught a cold last week, and we've been on this eating spiral ever since.

Last night, I thought everything was actually back to "normal" and okay. I figured he had been eating every 3 1/2 hours all day, and nursing for a relatively "normal" amount of time for us (20-40 minutes a side) and then falling easily back to sleep or staying contentedly awake for a bit before dozing off. No cluster feeding, and then we put him down at 1:30 or 2 and he slept until 6 am. We couldn't believe how great things were going!

Before things normalized yesterday, I was still worrying about whether Micah was eating enough or gaining enough weight and if my milk supply was sufficient. I called an LC and was invited to join a semi-private class this morning. I gave a non-committal "maybe" thinking it depended on whether Micah slept or cluster-fed or what time his morning feed was. Since he woke up at 6 and the class started at 10, I actually figured that it might be pretty decent timing. I fed him from 6 - 7:30 (he fell asleep a few times, and we changed his diaper and his outfit) and I put him back down. At 9:30 when I picked him up, he was still out cold - I figured I had enough time to get to class to feed him, so off I went!

I was feeling pretty confident when I got to class. I was mostly interested in working on latching without the nipple shield and seeing if we were using the nipple shield correctly. I have to say, I was a bit horrified by the LC. She was incredibly scattered, and much of her advice seemed to contradict all the other LCs I've consulted thus far. And her 2 year old daughter . . . well, there is just no way to say this nicely, but she was OBESE. I mean I'd guess she weighed over 50 lbs. She had 3 or 4 chins, and her waist was bigger than mine . . . probably even when I was 9 months pregnant. This poor child could barely walk normally. And she spent the ENTIRE time we were there eating! She drank 3 8 oz glasses of chocolate milk (mind you, I was there for 1 1/2 hours), and then nursed for 20 minutes, then had some crackers, and then ate a sandwich. I had a hard time taking bf'ing advice from a woman who allowed her child to get that obese (yes, I'm passing judgment - I have no idea what is going on there, but I think an overweight child should not be consuming that much sugar and chocolate).

So after I got there, we set Micah up, and she weighed him, and we tried to get him to latch/nurse without the shield. He did for a bit, but then he was getting hungry and frustrated so I put the shield on. The LC suggested I try a smaller shield, and she gave it to me and just placed it over the nipple. When I asked her about proper attachment, she said she doesn't bother with any of that. I was a bit surprised, but decided to set aside what other LCs had taught me and try and trust this woman and her methods.

She said he was nursing well at first, but then later she urged me to switch sides, then said he was nursing too long and thought he wasn't taking much in. We weighed him after he'd been nursing for about 45 minutes or so, and he had consumed about 1.3 ozs. Not bad, but definitely not enough. I kind of lost it - this whole process has been so frustrating, and I just don't know what to do next. I really think he was doing fine before he got sick, but now I'm not even sure of that.

I noticed that my nipple didn't seem to be fitting as well in this shield as it did in the other ones, and I decided that perhaps the nipple shield was interfering with how he was nursing. I put my own shield back on, and re-latched Micah. He ate again for a while, and started to doze off. She re-weighed him, and in a shocked voice informed me he had eaten another .9 ozs - so 2.2 ozs total for the feed (about where he needed to be). Her concern was that it took him over 1 hour to get that much, and she felt my supply might be a bit low.

I was pretty upset at this point. I knew we'd been having issues, but it just sucks hearing it. And the options don't thrill me. I can either supplement with formula (which will do nothing to increase my supply, and because I'm allergic to coconut oil, giving Micah formula and trying to nurse gives me horrible rashes). Or, I can go back to pumping every 3 hours - another thought that depresses me a bit. There is also no guarantee that pumping every 3 hours will increase my supply, either - or help Micah nurse more efficiently.

So, I'm stuck. I could just throw in the towel on nursing (and yes, I know there is nothing wrong with bottle-feeding babies, but with my allergy, I have a different set of concerns about using formula and how it will affect how I interact with Micah). Or, I could try and pump every 3 hours, and increase my supply, and work on shortening Micah's feedings and teaching him to be a more efficient nurser AND teaching him how to latch without a nipple shield AND supplementing with pumped milk after each feeding until he can properly nurse on his own (which may never happen). So I'm stuck. I'm not sure if it is worth continuing to fight this battle (or even the smart thing to do). I'm tired of fighting, but there is a part of me that is just stubborn and I want to win this battle. My reluctance to bottle feeding formula really isn't about bonding, or which way is "better" or anything like that. I really do think it is mostly about winning this battle because I hate not being able to make things work, and part of it has to do with my fears about my coconut oil allergy (and no, you cannot buy any commercial formulas that are made without coconut oil). And part of me is ready for this to be easy, and I know bottle feeding would be so much easier (with the exception of my contact dermatitis rashes I'll have for the next 11 months because of my allergy).

So . . . that is my love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. For today, we are going to weigh him before/after each feeding, and try and supplement with pumped breastmilk to make sure he gets 2 - 2 1/2 ozs at each feeding. I'm going to pump after each feeding, and maybe in between, too, to try and increase my supply. We'll see where we are and then try and figure out what to do next.

Rough Week

This week has been tough. Micah has been struggling with a cold, and then it affected his eating/nursing. We've been having a difficult time getting back on track. He seems to be feeling much better, but he is still congested. At the doctor's appointment on Thursday (we went in to have him checked for his cold), he had only gained 4 ounces - about 5 ounces less than we would have liked. We have no way to know whether this slowed weight gain is merely due to his cold or if it signifies a bigger eating issue.

I'm a bit frustrated right now with breastfeeding. He was doing a great job eating, and we were on a pretty good schedule until he got sick. He wouldn't eat for about a day, so I had to pump and bottle feed him. All I can say is this began a long cycle of crazy stuff . . . first I was feeling like I had an oversupply, and then it felt like my milk supply crashed. Micah finally got his appetite back, but he has been cluster-feeding pretty much non-stop for the past several days. We finally resorted to giving him a few bottle formula supplements because I just couldn't nurse him that many hours a day. I think he was nursing for about 12 hours straight on Thursday and Friday. Yesterday was better during the day, but then Micah would not stop nursing overnight and would not go down to sleep. I had a horrible migraine, so after nursing him for 9 hours (with about 45 minutes of breaks TOTAL), I finally told Elliot to give him a bottle of formula so I could try and sleep my migraine off. I've been concerned that Micah is nursing like crazy because he isn't getting enough from me. The formula did the trick last night and Micah finally slept for 5 hours straight. He seems to be nursing more "normally" today - we'll see what happens tonight. He has been difficult to wake for his feedings today, so I'm concerned we are on a bad cycle here.

I've tried calling a few lactation consultants. Right now, everyone seems to think this is just a growth spurt (although I'm not convinced). Did I mention he is pooping green? I am concerned this means there is an issue with my milk, but who knows. He isn't exhibiting other symptoms of a foremilk/hindmilk issue (and he nurses for very long periods of time - sometimes 30-50 minutes on each breast - and yes, he is actively nursing that WHOLE time). I may have another appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow.

Overall, today was a good day. Niki and Eric and their kids came by to bring us bagels for breakfast and take a tour of our house. I then went to meet a new contractor to get a price quote on fixing up my condo for resale. Micah has been nursing easily and quickly going down for his naps today, but tonight will be the real test. I'm still obsessing about his weight (and my milk supply) and whether everything is okay, but I'm trying to hang in there for a few more days.

My baby is sick

My poor little guy is sick . . . he is running a bit of a fever, and he is definitely congested. I can't get him to wake up and eat today. I called the doctor, and there isn't much I can do for him. I just hope he starts feeling better soon!

In good news, Micah did latch 2x in the past 24 hours without the nipple shield. He didn't nurse that long, but he did latch, so there is hope that we'll get off the nipple shield eventually!

I'm so sick - and he is so awake!

Well, it is official - I'm SICK. I can't breathe, I'm all stuffed up and coughing, and I'm just feeling horrible. We've been having a rough day today - Micah has been cluster feeding all day, and he has been wide awake for the past 5 hours. It is kind of fun having him awake, but then he gets upset and wants to nurse. I think he isn't sure what to do with himself. I've been singing to him
(poor guy) and talking to him. I've been giving him a pacifier today - not sure if that is a mistake. It seems to keep him calm, but I don't want to discourage him from eating. He is able to hold it in his mouth all by himself! As Elliot would say, "He's so advanced." Perhaps Micah isn't feeling well either.

Hopefully being awake will help him sleep better tonight. We're also going to try the secure sleeper and see if that helps. Wish us luck!

My little porker . . .

Micah had his 2 week appointment today, and he weighed in at 6 lbs (well, with rounding up)! He is growing well (averaging an ounce a day) and we were officially given permission to stop force-feeding him at 3 hr intervals around the clock - we can now feed "on demand" so tonight is the first night we intend to let him sleep until he wakes up. I'm SOOO excited - I think we might actually get 4 hours of sleep in a row. I've continued to feed him every 3 hrs or so all day in the hopes that he won't be too hungry tonight to sleep a bit longer.

The past few nights, he has been unhappy from about 4 am until 8 am. We've been waking him up from a pretty sound sleep to feed him, and then we have a hard time getting him back to sleep after the feeding. He'll start crying, and I almost always have to nurse him again . . . we've been cluster feeding for several hours every night, and it is taking its toll on us. It is probably more accurate to say he won't let us put him down after the feeding - he'll sleep on me or Elliot, but if we try moving him to the bassinet so we can sleep, he starts crying, and since we are too exhausted to stay awake and hold him on us in the bed . . . well, let's just say it has been challenging. We've eventually been able to get him to sleep in the bouncy seat, but we don't want to have him sleeping in the bouncy seat every night. Here is hoping we have better luck tonight!

We are going to attempt to use the playmat tonight - we'll see if he is ready for that. Luckily, he seems to really like tummy time, although he mostly spends tummy time on Mommy or Daddy's chest. We thought we'd try a change of location tonight, so we're off to the rec room in the basement for a change of scenery.

Who would have thought I could love a nipple shield?

Well, it has been another challenging 2 days. After coming home from the hospital, Micah slowly grew more alert. For our 6:00 feeding, he was willing to latch but not nurse, so for our 9:00 feeding, I decided to try the breastfeeding supplement contraption. I was amazed - on his 2nd attempt, Micah latched, took the supplement tube, and he nursed for about 30 minutes and ate all his supplement! I thought we were home free.

Once again, however, Micah refused to nurse at his 12:00, 3:00 and 6:00 am feeding. I had to give up on the breastfeeding supplement contraption and go back to the syringe. My mom and I covered the 3:00 and 6:00 feedings so that Elliot could try and catch some needed sleep. It was a frustrating time - Micah kept getting so hungry and so upset that he was really hard to calm down, and I just couldn't get a successful latch at all.

We had to do the 9:00 feeding 1 hour early because we had an appointment to see the doctor. Unfortunately, Micah could barely stay awake for that feeding, and the breastfeeding didn't work out again. In better news, however, we got a great evaluation at the pediatrician appointment. Micah had gained about 5 ounces, his color was better and he was quite alert! The doctor asked us to come back for another weight check on Friday, but he thinks the worst of the jaundice is behind us.

We made it home in time for his next feeding . . . and once again, no latch and tons of frustration. We finally gave in and did this feeding by bottle - I tried to nurse him, he refused, then we gave him a combination of breast milk and formula in a bottle. Ironically, Micah rejected the bottle, too - he just does not like to latch! After some pushing and persistence, we convinced him to take the bottle. We tried again to nurse after he finished eating (no luck), then I went on to pump. The feedings continued to follow this pattern all afternoon, so I spent the rest of the day trying to find a lactation consultant to help us out. By 5:00 pm, I scheduled an appointment for early this morning.

The good news is that overnight, Micah did try to latch and nurse several times. He clearly showed an interest in nursing, but just couldn't seem to obtain and keep a latch. Even worse, when he has a good latch, he does not like the feel of it, so he closes his mouth down and uses his tongue and hands to push me out. I was a bit less frustrated because we had a system, but I was feeling disappointed that we just couldn't get the hang of nursing. One of my friends suggested we try a nipple shield (thanks, Marisa!), so Elliot ran out to pick one up at Target, and we tried that. I was so hopeful, but the shield just seemed a bit too big for Micah's tiny little mouth. Again . . . close, but no cigars :(.

Elliot & I went upstairs to try and sleep around 2:00 am. We had just fed, and Micah had latched and nursed for about 1-2 minutes after that. I still had this feeling he was hungry (he was not in his usual food coma) but we were trying to avoid increasing the formula, so we figured he didn't need any more and was probably just more alert because he was feeling better. We crawled into bed, and I had about 2 hrs to sleep before the next feeding. Just as I drifted off to sleep . . .. . . the wailing begin! We tried comforting him, we changed his diaper . . . still crying. I asked Elliot to go down and get an extra 10 ccs of formula (we had been giving him 30 ccs ~1 oz - total combined with breast milk, and we were told he could take as much as 60 per feeding ~2 ozs) and we fed that to him. We figured with the extra food we could push his big feeding back 1 hour and get a bit more sleep. WRONG! He went right back to crying. He did much better when Elliot was cuddling him, but he still wouldn't sleep. We guessed he must be hungry since at that point we were just over 2 hours from his last real feeding, so I tried breastfeeding again. He latched and suckled a bit, but nothing substantial, and then Elliot went and got another bottle and he sucked that down. At this point, it was about 4:30, so we returned him to the bassinet and went to bed.

Naturally, 15 minutes later, the crying started again! I told Elliot it was my turn to sleep and he should stay up with the baby. He was great! He didn't get much sleep, but he spent the night cuddling and rocking the baby and keeping him quiet. The lactation consultant was scheduled to arrive at 8:00, and I was hoping to stretch Micah's feeding until she arrived. Because I was too tired (and it was too close to my last session), I skipped the 4:00 am pumping session, so I went downstairs before the appointment and pumped. I got over 20 ccs this time, so my milk is definitely increasing!

Luckily, Micah stayed quiet until the consultant showed up. She was a HUGE help - she evaluated Micah, took his weight naked and with a diaper, she evaluated my technique, and we tried a few different approaches. Nothing was working. She quickly realized (like the others) that Micah does not like to latch. I mentioned to her about the nipple shield we purchased last night, and she said she thought that would be a good option to try. I told her I wasn't sure if it was too big, and she told me she had smaller if we need it.

All I can say is who would think a little piece of silicone that covers your nipple needed special training to use? She showed me how to put it on, and she showed me how to get him to latch with it. It took us quite a few attempts, and we were just about to give up on the bigger size when he latched! He fed for over 1 hour! She showed me how to move into a more comfortable position (the LCs at the hospital told me I had to keep my breast mushed the whole time I was nursing and couldn't "relax" at all).

In even better news . . . he has continued to latch and nurse at every feeding since the LC left! We had a rough time getting latched at the 1:00 pm feeding, but we did it, and he nursed for about 1 1/2 hrs! We nursed again at 4:30 and again at 7:30, and so far, each time it has gone perfectly. I tried supplementing after the 1:00 feeding, and he took maybe another 5 or 10 ccs. I pumped again, and got about 12 ccs. He was in a food coma after the 4:30 feeding, so I didn't bother supplementing, and got just a little more from the pump to store. At this point, I can't decide if the pumping after each feeding is necessary/a good idea. If we don't need to supplement, it seems a bit much. Because I'm getting so little, I think Micah is doing a good job right now of draining my breasts, so I'm not sure the pump is really doing more to increase my milk supply. A "normal" breastfeeding mom would not need to pump with these feedings, so I've been a bit unsure what to do. I did just give Micah an extra 15 ccs after his 7:30 feeding because he seemed very alert after his last feeding, and last night that was a sign that he got famished about 30 minutes later. The extra breast milk has nicely placed him back into his food coma, so I think it was a good idea. I got so distracted, however, that I got all re-dressed and forgot to pump. I think I've decided to skip pumping this feeding - I'm just too darned tired and I've been pumping every 3 hours for 3 days straight now, and well . . . I'm SORE. I hope I'm not making a bad decision. Did I mention that I LOVE the nipple shield?

In other news . . . Micah's umbilical cord fell off tonight. Well, it might have had a little help . . . thanks to kisses from the dog. It looks fine, but I'm a bit worried that it had a little help falling off. We're planning to give him a bath tonight - should be interesting!

Tomorrow we go back to the doctor for another weight check. He is doing much better, but he is still pretty yellow. Hopefully all is progressing as it should - I will update again!