Running on Empty

Some days, there is just nothing left in the tank...I'm definitely running on empty. I'm focused on the countdown. Two more days of radiation. Twelve more days (we believe) until Mom comes home. Twelve more days of commuting to Baltimore. Just twelve more days, and we can return to some semblance of normal.

Somehow, in the next twelve days, we have to move. Not only that, we have to combine households, arrange for equipment for Mom, set up a schedule for caretakers, continue to commute to Baltimore, and try and keep the appearance of normalcy in place for the children. No problem, right? I have not even begun to think about how to go about packing. I know that we do not need to pack and move everything in one day, but we will need to empty our house for the renovation and move all the big things in one day. Thankfully, we do have lots of help...an organizer, Leslie, who can take over the planning, and friends who have offered to come fill boxes. Now, I just have to get over my embarrassment about all the mess in the house, and we're all set!

Another relatively uneventful day...Mom was in great spirits today. She loves the days we do not have to transport to Hopkins...the waiting is the worst. My day started with a 5:00 am phone call from Mom. She sure loves to call bright and early! The kids slept through it...but Micah had been awake on and off all night last night, so I got very little sleep. It is rare when he has a rough night...turns out, Elliot forgot to give him his reflux medication before bed.

Micah did not really get up and moving around until almost 10, so we had a very late start. While we were getting ready this morning, Micah decided he wanted to pee on the potty again. He joined me in the bathroom, he stripped down naked, sat on his little potty...and peed! Unfortunately, he peed right off the potty and all over the floor in front of him. I made a loud noise when I first realize he was going to pee off the potty, and it startled Micah a bit...he stopped for a moment, and I thought he was finished. But, when he realized I was not upset with him, he relaxed...and went back to soaking the bathroom floor. Like every good mother, I cheered for him because he sat on the potty and peed. He was so proud of himself...he clapped and said "Yay!" for himself, too. And then he pointed out that there was a mess on the floor, and gave me this look that seemed to say "Mom, hurry up and clean, would you?" I'm so excited that he is getting the hang of the potty...but cannot for the life of me figure out how to teach him to pee IN the potty. I mean, I understand the concept...we either need to teach him to "tuck in" or use the pee guard on the front of the child's potty. Unfortunately, Micah thinks the pee guard is a toy, and yanks it off every time he sits down on the potty. Maybe I can glue it in place? Although the last time we made an alteration to the potty (we removed the lid so he wouldn't pee with the lid down), he was not happy about the potty for a while. He just doesn't sit still long enough for me to teach him to "tuck in." So, for now, I guess we'll just have to stay out of the line of fire, right? If you have any good suggestions, feel free to send them along!

It was after 1:00 before I arrived at Levindale with Maya, and Jen, Jeremy, Paige and Peyton had already come and gone. When I arrived, my father, Steven, Gail, Diane and Joey were all visiting my Mom. I was only there a few minutes before she had to leave for physical therapy (another surprise...we were told she had no therapy sessions this weekend). I waited with everyone while my Mom did her therapy, and when she returned, everyone else left. I stayed with Mom (and Krystal) for a few hours, and we talked. I showed Mom how to work her new audio book that Dad picked up from the public library, and we talked more about death and dying. I read her the blog and messages, and we spent time talking about happier subjects. Mom made several phone calls, attacked a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then she looked exhausted. I left a little before 5 and headed home for the night.

I had a nice, but quiet, evening at home again. Maya has been a champ lately...she is loving her pacifier, taking bottles (okay, 3 times now), and she is getting so close to rolling from her back to her belly. Micah has been so cute and loving with her...he gives her kisses and hugs, and he seems to like her most of the time. I love watching him try to dress himself...today he put his dirty shirt from yesterday on...but on his legs. He has huge conversations with me...I just wish I knew what language he speaks. My mother used to swear that Jeremy spoke Czechoslovakian when he was a child...but I think Micah speaks some sort of alien language. Elliot would probably make a joke about him speaking Klingon (ever since we discovered Micah's skull issue last year, Elliot likes to compare him to Star Trek Klingons who apparently have a similar ridge on their forehead?).

Micah was not a happy camper today, though...he realized that Elliot had safety locked the silverware drawer, effectively stopping Micah from his nightly habit of emptying the drawer of all of its contents. He cried for quite some time when he discovered the drawer was locked. I should feel sympathy for him, right? I spent most of my time laughing because his irritation was so darn cute! He makes me laugh when he is angry.

For anyone thinking of visiting this week, Monday and Tuesday my mom will likely be in therapy from 9-12, lunch from 12-12:45, transport should arrive around 12:45, and we will hopefully be gone only from 12:45 until 3. Mom should be all clear after 3:00. Wednesday, her schedule will change...they will likely spread therapy throughout the day...probably 1-2 hours in the morning, and then another 1-2 hours in the afternoon. The therapists all leave by 4. I will try to post her therapy schedule later in the week. Next weekend should be her final weekend at Levindale!

Desertion

I think my ability to write may have deserted me tonight. Today was one of those days that just felt...slow. One of those days when I kept glancing at the clock all day long, each time surprised that only 5 minutes had passed since the last time I checked.

I never made it upstairs to bed last night. Again. I did catch a couple hours of sleep on the couch before the children woke up, but Micah got up a bit early today. My mom called bright and early, too, to tell me that she had a good night. I love her phone calls, even when they wake the kids. It makes me smile to know she is thinking of me.

Micah ate a good breakfast again...I think he loves to eat eggs. I keep wondering whether I should try getting "fancy" with the eggs...maybe fried eggs, or a bird's nest. I always end up keeping it simple...plain old scrambled eggs, with either an English muffin, cereal, or oatmeal. He usually likes a little fruit (either raisins or a banana) to top it off.

Christin arrived at 9, and I spent most of the morning playing with Micah and trying to accomplish odds and ends...like sorting the mountain of laundry for Maya. Those hand-me-downs have been a mixed blessing...with all the clothes, it takes me forever to try and figure out what pieces go together and get it all organized. I still have pants that do not seem to belong with any of the tops, and vice versa. It will be wonderful to have new (and warm) outfits for Maya to wear...but I think those unmatched pieces are going to make me crazy! If history holds true, I will probably find the matched sets when it is time to pack them all up again.

I was late leaving for the hospital today. I just couldn't seem to get myself going. Maya was napping and I did not want to disturb her, but then she needed to nurse when I finally tried to move her into her car seat. As I left, Elliot was dealing with an hvac technician who was supposed to be replacing our thermostat under warranty. Unfortunately, the touch screen broke, so we can no longer adjust the temperature in our house. The air is stuck too high, and the heat too low, so it is always either too hot or too cold in the house. This has been going on for three weeks now, and I hit my limit of "waiting" for the warranty replacement. Suffice it to say...we did not get the warranty replacement done today...but Elliot did go out and buy a new thermostat at Home Depot and install it himself. I sure hope he did it correctly!

Mom was in great spirits today. Once again, we had requested a specific driver...Chanel. She has been so wonderful to us these past few days, and whenever we get her, she also waits with us so Mom can return to Levindale faster. Chanel shared with us that, despite the fact she has been working, she has been homeless. She has 4 children, too, ranging from about 6 or 7 up to 17. She was thrilled to share with us that as of tomorrow, she will finally have a home again! She has been working with an organization who helped her out, and she had the biggest grin on her face as she described her new 4 bedroom home with beautiful wood floors. I couldn't help but smile along with her...I hope her new home is filled with happiness and that she and her children always has a roof over her head.

This journey we've been on has been incredible. We've met so many wonderful people...staff at Hopkins, transport drivers like Chanel, nursing aides like Krystal, the woman with lung cancer undergoing treatment when my mom first started...who used to sit and chat with me every day while I waited for mom, and yesterday, the family with a daughter who had lymphoma. I never even asked their name, but this family touched me. Their daughter could not have been more than 10 or 12 years old, and there she stood, bald head, mask on her face, and a huge grin as she rang the bell! They were from Delaware, and drove all the way down each week for treatment at Hopkins. We talked about how when it rains, it pours...the father had a heart attack the previous week, and ended up in the hospital while his daughter was undergoing treatment. We connected as we talked about how it feels like everything bad keeps happening all at once. We talked about how we wished we could just stop everything else in our lives to focus on this for 6 weeks, because the juggling and balancing everything else like work and finances and commuting and children is just...too much sometimes. Though we only spoke for an instant, we bonded - in that moment, we just understood each other. I hope that their daughter's treatments were successful, and that she lives a long and cancer-free life.

We were back at Levindale quite early (thanks to Chanel) - about 2:40! My father took off early, and I sat with my mom and Maya for a bit. She made some phone calls, she talked, and we did some planning. My mom decided she wanted to make a video for Maya - a beautiful message to her to tell her how much she loves her. Mom would like to make videos for all of us, but she struggles with what to say. I think that when the time is right, she will know.

My mom is a little anxious again about death. The rabbi came by today to talk to her, and she has been fixating on things again. In her head, she thinks of death as being buried alive. I've already mentioned how much that disturbs me, and I have no idea when that thought started. I often wonder if that is the tumor and steroids talking or if she has always felt that way. It is like one minute she thinks of death as the body stopping...and the next minute she somehow thinks we will just bury her alive. She is worried about animals getting in, about sitting in the dark, about keeping warm and making sure her cell phone is working so she can call everyone.

I wish there was some way I could alleviate her fears. We talked a little about death again, and I told her that I just could not believe that death was like being trapped in darkness underground. I think that if you believe that life ends at death, then there is nothing. We simply cease to be, feel nothing, and the body slowly disappears. If you believe that we are more than our bodies, then it *has* to be that the body separates from the soul, and that the soul is free. It makes no sense to me that we could have a soul that continues on in some capacity...but gets trapped inside a feeling body. I think the point of having a soul that continues on is that it IS free - one with the universe, or in a heaven somewhere, or perhaps floating near family.

I'm not sure what I believe about the hereafter. I like the thought that our souls continuing on in some capacity. There are moments when I've felt that my loved ones must be nearby. I think that even if I do not believe in souls continuing on in the literal sense of the word, I do believe that we continue on in others.

In one of my mother's posts, she said something about saying goodbye being like giving your memories away to your friends. I was not quite sure what she meant at the time, but I've been thinking about it. Maybe dying is like becoming a memory, and maybe the soul is just memories and feelings that live on in others. There is a Jewish prayer that we often recite when in mourning or observing yahrtzeit. I won't publish it here today, mostly because today is no time for mourning. It talks about how we remember people we've lost during the simplest times...in the rising of the sun, in the blowing of the wind, etc. My favorite line is "As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them." I like the idea of people we lose living on as a part of us...they feel no pain or fear, no cold or animals, but they are close to those of us who love them most and think of them often.

After our "heavy" day today, I left my mom on the early side - before 5:00. Mom was sleepy and ready to nap, so I decided to let the aide handle her dinner. Krystal was on the Levindale floor working when I left, so it was good to know she was around to help out if needed, too. I made it home by 6. Elliot and Micah went to services and a Shabbat dinner. I think the preschool was doing a Shabbat dinner, but I just did not have the energy to go. I managed to get Maya to sleep early tonight - before 9:00 pm in the pack and play! The pacifier seems to be the key...as long as she can keep sucking, she is happy. I am hoping this is the beginning of a beautiful new pattern...and an earlier bedtime for Maya.

I'm off to bed. I have Maya's laundry from last week all folded and sorted (finally) and another load of my laundry ready for the dryer. I still have a third load of my clothing to do, a load of towels, and another load of the children's clothing from the past few days. I think I could spend forever doing laundry.

We've been told that mom has no therapy sessions this weekend, so visitors are VERY welcome! Saturday will be quiet for Mom. On Sunday, there is a family brunch around 12, so we'll all be there with her for that. Feel free to let us know if you want to come by - we can try to stagger the visitor times.

Bald and Beautiful

Mom was brave and gorgeous today...as you can see from her photo, she decided to shave her head. What do you think? I LOVE it! I think she looks beautiful, and I'm so proud of her for doing this.

I'm going to do a very quick run down of our day again...kids awake at 8:30, babysitter here at 9, Micah cried most of the morning because he thought I was leaving. Megan took Micah on a walk while I left for Hopkins. On my way up, I spoke to Rayna...she had extended her stay until Monday. Hopkins was mostly on time, and transport agreed to wait for us. We were back at Levindale by 3...and Mom had her hair done!

She sat there calmly, getting her head shaved. After the shaving, she was able to have her scalp massaged and washed off - and she said it felt wonderful. She did a bit more PT after her hair do. I stayed around until 5:15, then stopped by Suburban Hospital to visit my friend Heather's mom (who just had back surgery). We were all home by 7, and we spent the evening hanging out together.

I've got the hair cut on video - I'll try to upload it to You Tube and post the link here.

All Kinds of Family

Family. Today is a day that I am thinking about family. Family comes in all shapes and sizes...it is the family you are given, and the family you make. My mom and I were talking today about life...friendships, death, and other heavy topics. My mother has so many lifelong friends, and I really don't have the number that she has. I have a few, but many of them are not still in my life on a daily basis. And then I think about her friends that she has known for the past 40 years...and I realized that maybe, just maybe, a few of my friends from the past 5-10 years will still be in my life 40 years from now, and I hope that I am lucky enough for that to happen. My mom said that when they first moved down here, none of her friends had family close by...so they made their own family. She is right - so many of my mom's friends (and their children) feel more like family to me than friends. They are my "Aunts" and "Uncles" and their children are my "Cousins."

Tomorrow, my mom is meeting with the Rabbi. She keeps thinking that he'll tell her she is crazy when she starts talking about death and all the things she wants to bring with her. She then asked me if she should share her "tag line" with him (what she plans to say to me when she calls me from the grave on her cell phone). Mom then asked if I would share our conversations from her grave on the blog after she died. I then said to Mom that if she called me from the grave on her cell phone, and I wrote about it on the blog, there would be several hundred people calling the authorities to have me locked up in the crazy hospital!

We tried to talk more about my Mom calling from the grave. She said that in Tuesdays with Morrie, he said that when you die you are just gone, and that she believes that, too. But then she talked about becoming one with the universe, which seemed like a nicer thought to me. I asked her why she thought she would be calling me on a cell phone from the grave if she thought that when people die they are just gone. She thought about it for a minute, and didn't have a response. I asked her if she thought Grammy was in her grave able to talk on the phone. My mother shook her head no, so I asked, "then why do you think you'll be calling me from the grave when you go?" Her response? "Because I know how to work a cell phone and Grammy doesn't." Okay - point taken.

I think it upsets me that my mother is thinking about death as if we'll bury her alive. That she is thinking she'll be locked in a box under ground, wanting to talk to us and unable to reach us. She is thinking about how she will charge her phone, but she is certain that she'll have good reception under ground on Verizon (it works on the metro, you know).

My mom and I also talked about love. I have a whole other post I've been playing with...but I'm going to save that for yet another day. Maybe tomorrow. Suffice it to say that my Mom told me she is very proud of both of us (me and Jeremy)...more proud than she ever would have believed possible. She talked about how thankful she was for our support, and then said that she doesn't know how a person could go through all of this without a family. She said that a person would just get lost and die without family around - bad medications, missed treatments, etc. I think that she is correct. I would bet that the studies show that survival rates are proportional to family support. We've been told before that many people with transport issues simply just do not do treatment because it is too hard to do alone. How is it that in a world with such advanced technologies, we still cannot figure out how to make sure that sick people can take advantage of available treatments?

It must have been a long day today, because I can barely remember many of the details. To be truthful, I cannot remember which child woke up when this morning. I think I remember being awake on the early side, and I am certain I did my best to let Elliot sleep in a bit on his birthday. I hope that Elliot had a happy birthday...despite the fact that it was not a day all about him. He did not get a card or a gift from me today, and I am sorry that I just could not do more to make it more special for him...but I did let him sleep and tried not to give him a hard time about anything. I do remember Elliot bringing Maya downstairs to me and then going back upstairs to bed. I also remember Micah being a bit on the cranky side again today. He did eat all of his breakfast - eggs and an English muffin. I remember that because the sight of Micah eating these days is becoming a rarity!

Somewhere in the middle of all of this chaos, our new landlady showed up with the final contract and the keys. There are moments when my sarcasm seems to get the better of me...and dealing with my new landlady this morning was one of those times. She started to lecture me about taking care of the house (we have a contract, and we're liable for damage, so what does she think, we are handing over all of this money so we can trash her house?)...I very nearly told her that I had no intention of taking care of the house, but would prefer to run through it with a sledgehammer and destroy it. She then told me we needed carpets in the house. I said we were moving all of our things, and that included carpets. She started to explain to me about how carpets work, described what she meant by carpets...at which point I cut her off, told her that I was well aware of carpets, she was standing on one, I pointed out the one in the kitchen, and I told her that when I said we had carpets and would be moving them, I meant we would be using carpets. She then tried to explain again WHY she wanted carpets, and I think I practically shoved her out the front door. I think this woman is going to be a thorn in our side.

Micah and Megan headed off to class around 9:45, and Elliot, Maya and I left for Levindale. Today was our care planning meeting at Levindale. The meeting started a little late, but it was a good meeting. We received a report from each of the departments...nutrition, nursing, rehab and social work. She has been standing for over 10 minutes with the knee support, she is doing quite well with assisting in transfers using her good side, and she is doing extremely well in speech therapy. Overall, my mother is doing quite well and making progress, and the rehab people are recommending that my mother stay until November 4 to continue working on her therapy. We are waiting for word from insurance, but we are hoping for the extra days to help my mother build her strength. We had the opportunity to voice a few complaints...about the medicines being administered poorly, etc. We also learned that my mother has been losing time at rehab because the nursing staff has consistently failed to get her ready and downstairs for therapy by 9:00 am. We were not happy to learn about this, but we have been told that it will not happen any more. Once we have a more precise discharge date, we will begin to work with OT and the social worker to obtain all of the equipment we will need for Mom when she gets home.

After our planning meeting, Mom ate lunch and got ready for transport. I had brought Mom and Krystal cupcakes, and a chocolate covered strawberry for Mom (by the way, I forgot to mention yesterday that I received a BEAUTIFUL surprise from Michelle Harris Herman and Dottie Harris...an entire box of chocolate covered strawberries! They have been incredible, and I believe I already mentioned my obsession with chocolate covered strawberries). While we waited for transport, Mom ate her cupcake and said it was a wonderful treat (she saved the strawberry for this afternoon)!

Transport was a bit late, per usual. On our way to Hopkins, I received a text from my friend Heather...her mom had back surgery today, and is doing well. Heather - we're thinking about your Mom, too, and hope she feels better quickly! When we arrived at Hopkins, we learned that they had an emergency and were running about 15 minutes behind. As is par for the course, 15 minutes became 30 minutes became 1 hour. We had gotten transport to wait with us...and at the 30 minute mark, she left I immediately had my father call and schedule another transport back, because I knew that we'd never get back unless he called immediately. Naturally, 10 minutes after she left, we were ready for transport again. My mother was ready to go by 3:15, Elliot, Maya and I left at 3:30, and at 3:45 they were STILL waiting for transport. I kept calling every 2 minutes until transport finally arrived. I just do not understand their system!

We got home right around 4:30...and I was amazed that the house was cleaner. Megan had straightened up a bit...emptied the dishwasher, organized the toys, cleared off the dining room table. I just couldn't thank her enough! I waited for Arleen and Rayna to come meet me. While I waited, I spent some good quality time with Micah. Micah has a new game he likes to play...he opens the front door and stands between the door and the screen. He says "bye-bye," and then closes himself between the door and the screen. He opens the door again a few minutes later, pleased with himself, and then starts all over again. The game makes me nervous...I think about my mom warning us about doors and children's fingers (she nearly lost her thumb and the tip is severely damaged to this day because she got it caught in a door when she was 3), I worry that he'll accidentally lock himself in there, and I also worry that he'll somehow suffocate in that space. But, try as I might, I cannot get Micah to give up his new game.

Rayna arrived a little while later, sans Arleen. Arleen needed to stay behind at the Hebrew Home to take care of some things for Della. Rayna and I headed off to the nail salon, and we had a nice chat. We talked about so many different things...her pregnancy, Mom, Della, the future, and we spent a good deal of time reminiscing about the past. After our nail appointment, Rayna and I went to get dinner for everyone, and brought it home. My father had arrived, and it was our plan to eat dinner together...but like all good plans, it was foiled. Arleen and Lorin were stuck waiting for an aide to show up at the Hebrew Home and never made it to dinner. We missed you!

Instead, we sat with far too much food (but had a lovely dinner). My father left after dinner, we lit a candle for Elliot's birthday, and we had cupcakes. Rayna and I continued to sit and talk after dinner. We were so much a part of each other's lives growing up...Rayna used to call our house EVERY morning at 6:30 am before school. She always came over and sat at our kitchen table while Jeremy and I ate breakfast and got ready for school. If I sat here and shared all of the stories we discussed, I think the blog would be a novel. We laughed about the times Rayna would try on every outfit in her closet...about 10 minutes after Arleen had just folded and put it all away. I remember sitting with my Mom as she comforted Arleen who was beside herself with Rayna's closet-emptying addiction.


We laughed about the time Jeremy first noticed that Rayna had grown breasts (it was over breakfast one morning before school). We also laughed about Rayna's baking adventures...I remember one time when Elizabeth (my best friend) was babysitting Rayna and Stu, and she called me crying about how Rayna did something awful in the oven and she was worried Arleen would fire her. I ran over to help out...and saw Rayna's chocolate chip "cookie" that was shellacked to a cookie pan. I still have no idea what Rayna did, but I'm fairly certain the pan was history. I recalled my first "real" date (one that drove a car)...and I remember clearly that Arleen and Lorin showed up to see me off, too, and I was totally mortified that I had 4 parents there with the potential to embarrass me!

And we never reminisce without me reminding Rayna of the time she nearly attacked me with knives. Jeremy and Rayna were hanging out by themselves after school one day with their friend, Lauren Bishop. Rayna was always fearful of being alone, and she managed to convince Jeremy and Lauren that someone was breaking into the house. I was by myself at our house, and received a panic call from Rayna and Jeremy screaming about how someone was trying to break in and kill them. I rolled my eyes, grabbed the key to the Luchs' house, and headed right over. I knocked, but they didn't answer, so I put the key in the lock, opened the door...and from every direction, children with hands full of knives, scissors, and other sharp instruments jumped out at me screaming "YAH!" Yes, Jeremy, Rayna and Lauren went nuts and tried to kill me. To be honest, I cannot remember if Stu was there...it could be he was out with Arleen somewhere. I confiscated their sharp implements, calmed them down, and stayed with them until Arleen came home. I don't think I told Arleen that they were playing with knives, though, because I knew Rayna would get into trouble. My favorite...Jeremy playing the tough guy after the fact as he told me how crazy Rayna was and he knew better. I remember thinking, "Yeah, that is why you only had 3 knives in your hand instead of Rayna's 50 knives and 2 pair of scissors."

We spent so many family holidays together that it is hard to think about my childhood and not think of the Luchs. We were in and out of each other's houses daily, and sometimes it felt as if there was an open phone line between our two houses. Rayna and I always think of each other as sisters, not just friends...so it was wonderful to spend the afternoon today with my "sister."

Elliot's brothers and parents called today, too, to wish him a Happy Birthday. Micah talked a bit on the phone to his Grandma Roberta and Poppy Ira. We are working on getting him to talk on the phone with them. He did say "night, night" and kiss the phone. We need to get one of the family members to set up their web camera and get them set up with a Skype account - we should be video chatting with them more often.

I guess it is nights like tonight that I realize how lucky I am to have so much family...both my blood relatives, and the family we've chosen. Thank you, Rayna, for giving me a bit of a break today. Happy birthday, Elliot...we will definitely plan a night out in the near future to celebrate.

Uneventful

Sorry I'm so late with the blog today! Yesterday was rather uneventful (in a good way). My mom had a new aide for the day (she was no Krystal, but all seemed to go well). Hopkins was on time with radiation, and transport back was on time, too. Mom has been feeling good, and we are planning for her return home. We read mom the blog and the messages (she says keep them coming...she looks forward to hearing from you each and every day, and misses when there aren't too many too read).

We had preschool for Micah yesterday...he was so well behaved! I made it to Hopkins early, and Maya and I got our usual attention. On our way back from Hopkins, I detoured to the grocery store to take care of a minor "emergency"...we ran out of Breyer's Chocolate Ice Cream! Mom was very itchy yesterday, so I spent some time greasing up her face and head.

I left early for the day and came home to bake cupcakes for Elliot...it is his birthday (today...the 20th). I am experimenting with a new recipe, so we'll see how it all turns out. We hit another major milestone...Maya actually took a bottle! I think we may finally have gotten her over the hump and she seems to have figured out how to suck. It was such a relief. She only took 2 ounces, but I am declaring victory. I hope she will take a bottle again tomorrow!

It is 7:00 am...I'm getting the "yesterday" and "today" all mixed up in this journal! Today (meaning the 20th) should be interesting...we have a family meeting to discuss my mom's rehab stay, and I have plans this afternoon with Arleen and Rayna. Lorin will join us for dinner, and we'll all have dinner together.