Armed for Battle

By training, I am a litigator. Before every court appearance or mediation, I used to mentally "arm" myself for battle. I would don my suit of armor by familiarizing myself with the facts, and fill my arsenal of weapons with arguments and legal supports. I would examine my suit of armor from the perspective of my opponents, scrutinizing my case for any chinks in the armor. I would consider how an opponent might deflect my weapon assaults, and deploy the best strategies to corner my opponents with the tools in my arsenal.

Tonight, I am preparing for battle again...but this time, I plan to battle the Rehabilitation Unit at Hopkins. We have a "family" meeting scheduled with the rehabilitation team for tomorrow at 1:00 pm to discuss my mother's status in the unit. We have already been informed that they plan to recommend releasing her on Thursday morning - regardless of the fact that several therapists believe she has more room to progress, or that half of her rehab time was wasted on medical challenges, or that insurance is willing to pay for more time. We have already informed them that we plan to fight them. I get the sense that the doctor on the unit is of the mindset that "well, she is dying anyway, why bother with rehabilitation?" I have a call set up for tomorrow morning with my mother's case manager at CIGNA, and we have recruited the help of a patient advocate from Hopkins. Wish us luck...this is one battle I do not want to lose, and I think they have no idea how tenacious and stubborn we Brodeys (and a particular Harkavy) can be when we are fighting for what we think is right.

Our day started off in the normal fashion...baby waking up around 8:20 (because my mom called just to say hello and the phone woke her up!) and Megan showing up at 9 and getting Micah out of bed. We got Micah ready quickly (he wouldn't eat any breakfast) and off to Kidville they went to class. Elliot stayed home today because Megan needed to be out of here by 5, and I did not want to be rushed home.

I arrived at the hospital around 11:30 and my mom was finishing up her therapy. My father had arrived early that morning to meet with the social work and take care of a few odds and ends. My father and I both did some "lobbying" of the therapists to try and gauge whether they would recommend extending her rehab stay. I went to the last part of physical therapy with my mother, and she was really doing well. We worked on transfers, and I heard she did more walking and standing again today. She also worked on sitting up straight unsupported, and she was doing a fantastic job. She still needs more work on holding herself to midlline without listing to the left, but she has not been able to do hold herself that well since she arrived at Hopkins.

My mom made it back to her room around 12 and her stomach was hurting. I was impressed that she had been sitting in her wheelchair for over an hour and was still doing well. Unfortunately, she was again complaining of intestinal problems. All of the sudden, we realized it was 1:00 and my mom had not yet been picked up for radiation. We started to panic and run her down to radiation ourselves, but the nurse called down and learned that her appointment had been changed to 4:15.

At that time, we realized we had several hours left before radiation. My mother stayed in her wheelchair for another hour or so and then transferred back to the bed to relax for a while. Jeremy arrived around 3:00. My mother's intestinal issues continued, and we asked to speak to the resident again. Initially, she seemed willing to help out. She went to speak to the attending physician, and he came into my mom's room a few minutes later. He actually looked us in the eye and explained that my mom is not constipated, it was all in her head. My mom pointed out to him that, in fact, it was all in her ass, but he did not see the humor in the situation. He kept insisting that the problem was resolved and my mom was simply obsessing about her bowels for no good reason. We were pretty ticked at him, but he was quite convincing. Even Jeremy and I started to wonder if perhaps he was correct, but we still felt that they should be able to do something to relieve mom's discomfort.

We realized that my mom's ipod seems to have gone missing...either stolen or possibly thrown out by accident during one of the sheet changes. How unfortunate! We put them on the lookout for it, but I have a feeling it is long gone.

Dr. Olivi and his nurse, Dee, stopped by for a visit. We talked to them a bit about our rehab conundrum, and Dr. Olivi said he would put in a word recommending that my mother's stay be extended since she lost a week with the brain swelling and intestinal issues. It is nice to know we have some champions.

At 4:15, it became evident that the hospital transport would not be arriving, so we walked mom down to radiation. When we got there, she was doubled over in pain, and the nurses there began to talk to her about her intestinal issues. They could not believe that the rehab doctor would not prescribe anything more than colace and senna for her. Their nurse coordinator decided to intervene by calling up to the rehab floor, and she said that they would call in different medication tomorrow if the doctor continued to refuse. At this point, Jeremy and I were fairly worked up and angry at the doctor - we just could not understand why they were not doing more. We will be asking what happened to the gastro consult we requested last week. Radiation was running way behind, and it was after 5 before they took her back. Thankfully, the appointment was fast, and about 7 minutes later, my mom was ready to head back to the room.

Dinner arrived as we returned, and my father got ready to leave. Dinner was chaotic - my mother started to eat before they took her blood sugar, and we could not get her to pay attention to what she was eating - she had ordered coconut shrimp, and she kept eating the shrimp tails and gagging on them, and she was not letting us remove the tails or help her out. Then the nurse arrived to try and take her blood sugar, and mom wouldn't put down her fork to allow the nurse to do the stick. Her friends Roz and Sharon both called in the midst of the chaos, and mom took her bloody hand and tried to grab the phone. The nurse could not get a blood sugar reading and my mom was making a mess!! She then became confused about where the phone was (Jeremy was holding it up and mom seemed to think she had it in her hand). Unfortunately, we had to tell both of them that mom couldn't talk - it was just too much commotion at once.

Jeremy stayed for most of dinner before he had to leave, and I left after she finished her dinner and returned the calls to Sharon and Roz. I arrived home to find that our cousin, Francine, had delivered ANOTHER dinner - the last one, I believe. Micah did a great job eating the food (although it was hard to tell if he was wearing more than he ate). I was starving and scarfed the food quickly. We played with the children for a while, bathed them both and put them to bed.

Ever since then, I've been preparing for battle tomorrow. Elliot reached out to the hospital advocate who helped us obtain permission to bring the children into the hospital, and she agreed to join us tomorrow as our patient advocate. My father sent me the information for the CIGNA case manager, and I will speak to her in the morning. I've also been planning out our arguments and trying to consider other alternatives if this does not work out for us.

We are starting to line up caretakers, and we *may* have a place lined up for Baltimore. We are working on identifying a wheelchair transport company. I may also see if, on Dr. Olivi's recommendation, we could put mom in a different rehab, but we are not sure if we could transport her back to Hopkins for radiation. Hopefully, we'll have a bit more time at Hopkins, but we'll see what happens in the morning. Wish us luck! We need an army of supporters for this battle.

My father called tonight...apparently my mother is having serious problems with her intestines again, and needed to be disimpacted again. That rehab doctor is a complete idiot!! We'll be battling with him, too, tomorrow.

Swim Time

Today was a good day for mom...but kind of a crappy day for me. Maya woke up at 7:00 (she broke out of her swaddle and got upset about it), so I brought her into bed with us. She immediately fell back asleep, and the children slept until nearly 9:30! I suddenly realized that Micah had his first swim class this morning, so we got ready and headed off to class. Elliot and I had planned to switch off in the pool with Micah so we could both enjoy the experience, but the instructors only allowed one of us to be present on the pool deck. Naturally, I asked to do class today with Micah (and promised Elliot could do next week). Micah was great! He was not afraid of the water, he played, he floated, he put his face in the water and he blew bubbles! He was adorable in class, and I think he loved the experience.

We came home from the pool, showered and grabbed lunch before heading up to the hospital. Traffic was heavy (probably due to the game), and I think it was a little after 2 before we arrived. My father was sitting with mom, and we joined her. She seemed to be feeling better today - her stomach issues seemed to be under control, her appetite had returned, and she just seemed a bit more relaxed. She had already done all of her therapy for the day and she was relaxing.

Mom enjoyed some time with Delicious and Micah, and we all floated in and out of her room, alternating chatting with her and giving her time to relax. Elliot discovered that the children's building has a HUGE playground space outside just down the hall from where we've been visiting. We only wish we learned about it before our break fast celebration - the kids would have LOVED the playground. We are hoping to gain access to it another day when we bring the kids to the hospital. This afternoon, she had a group of visitors...Gail, Steven, Suellen and Greg! She had a wonderful visit with them - she was in great spirits, she smiled, she laughed, and she traded barbs with them.

At one point, we were talking, and Mom looked at me and said, "I'm not ready to leave." I looked back and said, "Do you mean rehab?" She shook her head no. "Do you mean the hospital?" Again, she shook her head no and replied, "I mean all of this. I'm not ready to leave everything." My eyes welled up as I realized what she was telling me, and I looked at her and said, "So don't. Be one of those stories we hear about, and don't go anywhere."

The best news of today? The PT from today came by to talk to us, and she said that Mom did really well during physical therapy - she worked much longer, she stood up, she did a bunch of transfers, and she walked the bars a bunch of times. According to this therapist, she thinks Mom has a lot of strength on her left side and the ability to make much more progress! I was surprised, because she was the first person offering us some encouragement. I told her that I understood Mom would be released on Wednesday for lack of progress, and she was surprised. She was recommending that Mom's stay be extended!

I asked her what she felt Mom should be able to do, and she said that she felt Mom should be able to walk *some* again (with assistance, but be able to walk within the house from point A to point B, or walk from a wheelchair to the car, or walk from the bathroom door to a toilet or a shower). She felt that mom should be strong enough to sit up and use a shower chair safely, too. I was THRILLED when I heard all of that - we had previously been told that all of those things were unlikely to happen. If Mom can accomplish those goals, it will be much easier for her to do things like travel.

Naturally, I asked this therapist to intervene with the other therapists and make her recommendations. If this trend continues the next day or two, we may be able to extend her stay for at least another week. My hope is to maximize the time she is in the hospital for radiation and chemo and get her as much therapy time as possible to make her as strong as possible. I know that home therapy is never as good as inpatient therapy, and the more things my mother can accomplish now while she is inpatient, the better for her in the long run.

We left the hospital around 6:00, and my Dad, Suellen, Gail, Greg and Steven were still there. They planned to go out to dinner together after Mom finished her dinner. We arrived home, and our friends Heather and Brad stopped by and brought dinner for the 4 of us. They stayed for a few hours to catch up, and we put the children to sleep. It was a lovely evening.

So, why was my day horrible? As I suspected, I am losing my business. I opened my email tonight to find a note from a client who just terminated my contract. I sent him a note 2 weeks ago telling him what was happening and asking for an extension of time to do a project. His response? Silence for the past two weeks, and a letter of termination today. Just as I was hopeful that I could start getting work done over the next week or two. And this was my most important client...without their support, I just don't see how I can continue. I've been working with this client for almost 9 years now. Unbelievable.

Micah is screaming in his crib at 5:30 am...I need to go see if he is okay (or perhaps he'll fall back to sleep on his own). So rare when he wakes up like this!

Break Fast

Tonight, we celebrated break fast at Hopkins with my mother, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who made it possible. The list is far too many to name everyone, but it includes the following: Suzette, Sheila, Arleen, Diane, Elaine, Elliot, Jen, Dad, our guests, and so many on the Hopkins staff (Leo and Patrice from food services; my mom's nurse, Donna; the security guards who assisted us today; and the administrators who gave us permission to use the space and bring in children). As you can see from the smile on my mother's face, the night was perfect...well, *almost* perfect, and I say *almost* only because there were a few people unable to be there with us. There are far too many pictures to post them here - I will have to create a photo album online somewhere and provide the link later.

Yom Kippur is perhaps the holiest day in the Jewish year. It is known as the Day of Atonement...the day when Jews all over the world fast and seek forgiveness from those in our lives and from G-d in order to atone for our sins. According to Jewish tradition, it is also the day in which our fate for the upcoming year is "sealed." We ask for ourselves and those in our lives to be "sealed for a good and happy new year" as we wish for good health, prosperity, happiness and love.

During services, we list a variety of sins (44, I believe) that we may have committed throughout the year (such as: under duress or willingly, by hard-heartedness, with an utterance of the lips, by deceipt, by improper thoughts, by disrespect, etc.) and ask for G-d to "forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement." We also recite a prayer that lays out sins from A to Z for which we seek forgiveness for ourselves and our community:

ASHAMNU: we have been guilty.

BAGADNU: we have betrayed.

GAZALNU: we have stolen.

DIBARNU DOFI: we have spoken falsely.

HE'EVINU: we have caused others to sin.

V'HIRSHANU: we have caused others to do evil.

ZADNU: we have had evil hearts.

CHAMASNU: we have become violent.

TAFALNU SHEQER: we have attached lies.

YA'ATZNU RA: we have advised evil.

KIZAVNU: we have lied.

LATZNU: we have scoffed.

MARADNU: we have rebelled.

NI'ATZNU: we have been scornful.

SARARNU: we have been disobedient.

AVINU: we have been perverse, that is, intentionally doing a sin to fulfill an appetite.

PASHANU: we have transgressed.

TZARARNU: we have persecuted.

KISHINU OREF: we have been stiff-necked.

RASHANU: we have been lawless.

SHICHATNU: we have corrupted

TIAVNU: we have committed abominations.

TAINU: we have gone astray.

TITANU: we have been led astray.

SARNU: we have turned away from Your mitzvot.

At the conclusion of a long day of fasting, introspection and prayer, it is tradition to break the fast with friends and family. Generally, people break fast with light dairy foods...bagels, cream cheese, blintzes...and usually some sweet foods to represent a sweet new year.

I am at a loss to even attempt to describe what tonight meant for me and my family. I have previously mentioned that Yom Kippur has always felt like my mom's holiday. For our family, the tradition of breaking fast is marked by the gathering of our close friends and immediate family in my parents' home with all of these special holiday foods. Blintzes (in essence, a sweet-cheese filled crepe) are a traditional food, and we have been breaking fast with homemade blintzes (a recipe passed down from my great-grandmother to my grandmother to my mother to me). We eat, we laugh, we talk, we enjoy, we catch up, and we grow together. It is an opportunity for all of us to see and be together, to look backwards and reminisce about our childhood and to look forward to the future as our families grow together.

It was amazing for all of our families to gather together again, and even more incredible for us to introduce our children (some to each other for the first time) to our tradition. In attendance tonight were: The Levines/Adlers (Joel, Suzette, Seth, Heather, Jon, Jake, Alex and Dylan), The Lichters (Sheila, Les, Erik, Annie, Stella, Nina, and baby-boy-to-be...we missed you, Jack, Jenny, Ethan and Ryan), The Wexlers/Holders (Elaine, Robin, Emily, Liza, Eli and Reed - thank you so much for being there...we know how difficult it was and it meant so much to us), The Breslows (Diane and Joey...we missed you, MB4), The Luchs (Arleen and Lorin - it meant so much that you broke with your tradition and joined us early today...and thanks to Rayna & Brandon (and baby boy-to-be Leo) for "virtually" attending via Skype and to Stu for calling in...we missed you attending in person!), and last, but certainly not least, the Brodeys/Harkavys (Mom, Dad, me, Elliot, Micah, Maya, Jeremy, Jen, Paige and Peyton). And to the Wineburgs...we missed you!

I cannot tell you how much it meant to all of us to have everyone together again. Just to see all of our children together, growing up, and playing was incredible. It gave my mother (and all of us) a chance to meet a few of the babies she had not previously had a chance to see. At one point, my mom joked that it was like attending her own wake...and in many ways, it was. It was the gathering of our "family" for an opportunity to celebrate her life and tell her how much we love her in the best way we know how. It was important for all of us to have tonight together, and I think it was important for my mother, too. There is something both beautiful and comforting about being with close friends and family to honor a tradition.

I was up until almost 8 in the morning making blintzes (I guess that is what happens when you don't start cooking until 3 am, right?), and the kids did not wake up until 9:00 or so. My father woke up bright and early to run and pick up bagels for the event (I forgot to pre-order them). Elliot left for services around 10:30, my father arrived to join him a bit later, and the babysitter arrived at 11 to watch Micah while Maya and I went up to visit my mother at the hospital. Traffic was heavy, and I did not think I would ever get to the hospital! During my trip, I called Patrice from food services to coordinate our plans for the day. When I arrived at Hopkins, I was faced with new heightened security at the entrance (in response to the shooting a few days ago). I was not supposed to enter through the garage, but the security guard took pity on me and agreed to call for an escort so that I could drop the food off at the Rehab wing and walk through the hospital to the main entrance to check in instead of walking around the outside of the building with the baby and all the food.

After checking in, I sat with my mother while she finished lunch. She seemed a bit sleepy, but she was in much less discomfort today. I read her the blog and your messages, and we talked...some of it bittersweet. My mom again expressed how shocking this situation is, and sadness because she thought she had longevity on her side with our family history. She also said that she can hear herself sounding like Grammy used to, and that she knows that no matter what happens, things will never go back to how they were before. We talked about her desire to travel, and I said that the only limitation was her strength.

Mom seemed to tolerate day #2 of chemo quite well again - no apparent side effects. Mom took some time to kiss little Miss Maya, and we had a wonderful conversation with my mom's nurse, Donna. Donna was amazing today. She decided to head over to the dining room early and try and make it special for us...she took sheets to cover the tables and brought over all the flowers from mom's room to decorate the space for us. Thank you, Donna, for adding so much to this event for us!

At 3:30, I met with Patrice from food services. She brought us a food cart, promised to return at 4:00 with a hot box for our food, arranged to meet with us at 4:30 to cook the blintzes and deliver the coffee and water for our use. While I was talking to Patrice, I ran into Melissa, the recreational therapist. We talked about some games that would benefit my mother after she leaves the hospital, and a few assistive devices for doing her activities (she showed me a card holder and a device to attach to my mother's hand to help with crocheting).

My father and Elliot arrived around 3:40 pm with bagels, orange juice, blintzes and Micah in tow. We unloaded the car (and the security guard let them in once he realized they already had bracelets from the front desk and were with me). While we were unloading, I got a text that Suzette and Sheila had arrived, so I sent Elliot downstairs with the food carts to help unload their cars, too.

Sheila and Suzette immediately went to work arranging the room and setting up all the food. They did an incredible job. We served all the food buffet-style (we used the therapy table, a food cart, and an air hockey table for the food). Elliot and I left at 4:30 to go with Patrice to the kitchen to cook the blintzes. I stayed there for about 30 minutes (it took a while to prep the blintzes for cooking and get the oven warmed up). Elliot took a break to meet Lorin so they could conduct the concluding service for Yom Kippur (Neilah), and when he returned, I went back upstairs to nurse the baby while he and Patrice plated up the blintzes.

When I returned to the dining room, everyone was there and all the food was set up on the tables. The room looked incredible, and it was fantastic to see everyone together. Elliot and Patrice came up with the blintzes a bit later, and we brought my mother in to start the celebration.

Despite the fact that we held the event at Hopkins, we did it exactly as my mother always did things. I cannot even describe the quantity of food on the table - you'll have to wait and see the pictures. We had cheese plates, egg salad, tuna fish, blintzes, kugel, bagels, cream cheese, lox, whitefish salad, (Mona, your herring was dearly missed), fruit salad, and so many desserts! Perhaps the biggest surprise...the shrimp and chicken egg rolls. Yes, I did say shrimp and chicken egg rolls...not exactly a traditional break fast food. A few of my mom's co-workers arrived for a visit as we were setting up, and Chi brought homemade eggrolls for my mom!! It was a wonderful visit, and my mom is always so happy to see her Library family. All I can say is that my mom was SOOO excited to eat the egg rolls (and all I heard were rave reviews from everyone who tasted them) and we were so glad that they were able to join our celebration for a little while.

Towards the end of our evening, we invited the rest of the staff from the Rehab floor to come join us and eat. Several of them did take advantage of our invitation, and we also left them with all of our leftover desserts. As the evening wrapped up, the ladies were hard at work wrapping up all the food and dividing up the leftovers.

For me, it was impressive how well all of our children behaved. They all seemed to have a wonderful time playing, both in the courtyard and in the family dining room and lounge. We only had 2 minor incidents with the children (at least that I saw)...Micah scared Nina early in the night (he yelled at her and pushed her, and all she did was look at him!) and Stella fell and scraped her knees playing in the courtyard. The Rehab staff gave us some saline, gauze and bandaids, and we did our best to patch her up. Some of the children started to melt down around 7:15, but most made it to the end around 8:00. We left around 8:30, and made great time getting home.

My Dad called the hospital and Mom was asleep and resting comfortably as of 11:00, I believe. I hope that she has a peaceful night, and we will be back up there tomorrow. I forgot to double check my mother's therapy schedule tomorrow, but she does have a full day of therapy. If you are thinking of coming up for a visit, just double check with us during the day to make sure you arrive at a good time!

So, thank you, again, to all who made tonight possible. It is filled with wonderful new memories for us, and we are all so moved by the massive effort that was put forth by all of you to just be there at the hospital with us. My mother said the evening was perfect, so for me, it was worth everything. May you all be sealed in the Book of Life for a good, sweet, happy, healthy and prosperous year.

Short and Sweet

For once, I am going to do my best to keep this journal entry short and perhaps a little sweet. Tonight I am up to my eyeballs in blintzes in preparation for our break fast at the hospital tomorrow night. Yes, I am *just* making them less than 24 hours before the big event. Yes, my mother would be ready to strangle me for procrastinating if she was doing the coordinating.

There are many reasons I've been procrastinating (aside from the fact that I *always* leave everything to the last minute)...and the biggest is probably logistics. Normally, we make and freeze the blintzes in advance, then set them out all day on Yom Kippur to defrost and pop them into the oven as people are arriving. Right now, I have no freezer space. What little we have is filled with food people have been bringing and tons of breast milk. I tried to figure out how to make them, transport them to my parents' house for freezing, and then get them up to the hospital to defrost and bake...and I realized it would just be easier to make them and bring them fresh to the hospital for cooking. So, that is my plan for tomorrow.

Many of you are probably scratching your heads and wondering, "Why not just buy them?" Well, the biggest reason is tradition. Break fast has *always* been my mom's holiday. We have a core group of friends that we have always spent the holidays with (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Passover, and often Thanksgiving, too), and EVERY year since I was born, break fast has been at my parents' house. Our menu ALWAYS includes blintzes, applesauce, tuna fish, bagels, lox, cream cheese, kugel, jello mold, fruit, and an assortment of desserts. My mom always made the blintzes and applesauce from scratch, and everyone else who came brought their part of the meal. When all of us "kids" grew up and went off to college, it was the one holiday we usually made it a point to all come back home. I think we all just found it special, and we loved the food and the atmosphere. I think Yom Kippur was always my mom's favorite of the holidays because she loved to host break fast.

For the past few years, however, since all of the "kids" grew up to have kids of our own, our break fast celebration has....well, dwindled. In fact, last year was the first year that it was just our family. No one else. It made my mom sad that our long-standing tradition had faltered. She knew that people were busy with their families, but she always imagined that we would continue the tradition with the next generation of our families, and it made her sad to think that we were all going in different directions...drifting apart. She even thought that maybe no one cared.

So, this year, in honor of my mother, we are doing break fast the "old fashioned" way...except at Johns Hopkins. We reserved the family lounge/dining area there, and we'll probably take over the courtyard, too. Almost everyone is coming again (except for the Wineburgs, who are no longer local, and the Luchs children, who live out in LA...although they will be attending via Skype). Mona - I think my mom will miss your herring.

Today was a strange day. I arrived at the hospital before 12, and my mom was once again miserable. I wish they could get her intestinal issues in order! She told me she had a miserable night again, and she was very uncomfortable again. I helped her with lunch and showed her the new phone. She was doing really well with it today, and I'm hoping she'll be able to better answer and make calls. The phone talks...it reads out the menus, and announces all the buttons that are pushed. It also allows for voice command operation and dialing, and I think that feature (and the speaker phone) will be the most important for my mom.

At 1:00, the nurses brought in her chemo pill, and at 2:00, we went down for radiation. They allowed us to accompany mom, and she was a bit nervous. Of course, the minute we arrived in radiology, her stomach issues kicked into high gear, and that was a bit complicated to maneuver. Once we had my mom settled in, it only took 30 minutes for them to check the scans and do her first treatment. We returned to her room around 4:00 pm, and she was feeling fine. As far as we can tell, she had no reaction to the chemo today, and it will probably be a little while before we figure out how she will react to the radiation.

When we returned to the room, she rested for a bit and had to deal with more stomach issues. Jeremy and I had a series of discussions with the doctors about my mother's stomach issues. They seem to think that we should "stay the course" with the current treatment (or lack thereof), but we are worried about how my mother is feeling. I just think she is getting worse, not better, and that they should be doing more to help. The oncologist thought we should try some different medications, but the rehab doctor refused. I'm at a loss - we have requested a gastro consult, but that won't happen until Monday or Tuesday, and I'm just worried about my mom getting through the weekend and being comfortable. She would be in much better shape if we could work out these intestinal problems!

Her dinner arrived around 6 along with guests from work...Ruby and Gonzalo! My mom was so excited that Ruby brought along her couscous...my mom's favorite of Ruby's recipes. She has been telling me about this couscous for the longest time, and I finally had a chance to taste it! Thank you, Ruby. She had a lovely visit chatting with them for about an hour or so.

We all said our goodbyes, and I left for the day. I am not certain how much longer my father stayed, but I made it home around 8:00 and sent the babysitter on her way. I hung out with the children until Elliot got home from services at 9:30 (very late for Micah to go to bed, but I just couldn't figure out how to manage both kids and put Micah to sleep by myself). Maya fell asleep shortly thereafter, and I took a nap before waking up to make blintzes, pump, and blog.

So...that is the update for the day. Day 1 of chemo and radiation down. I'm looking forward to spending the day with everyone to break fast.

Insanity

Today was...insane. Micah woke up a little before 9. I probably should have gone in to get him up earlier, but I was so comfortable lounging in bed. Maya woke up right at nine as Megan was arriving, and I nursed her while Elliot took a shower and Megan fed Micah breakfast and dressed him. I quickly showered and dressed, and Elliot and I bolted out the door at 9:25 and raced over to Beth El for Micah's first 1/2 day at preschool.

Preschool went well for Micah...except he was out of sorts. He is definitely teething again (molars this time), and he is missing me, but his behavior was a bit out of line. He screamed a few times at one of the other kids when she got too close to him (and he shoved her and hit her). We tried to carefully monitor him and intervene before he started to fight with the other kids, but he was a handful. He tried to do a little sharing with another girl (my friend's daughter, Samantha), but he screamed at her a few times and resisted sharing. He threw a few other temper tantrums when he didn't want to sit in circle time, and he resisted snack time (until he realized there was a cup of water he could dump all over himself). I'm definitely concerned about his behavior, and hope that we can work on it over the next few weeks.

After class ended, we briefly stopped by the preschool breakfast. Micah was having a great time running and playing with another boy there. When it was time to go, Micah kept telling me he did not want to leave, so I finally said "I'm leaving" and started to walk to the door. Micah FLIPPED out - he screamed, started crying, chased after me, and yelled something that sounded like "Mommy, no go!" I realized that I've been leaving him so often lately that even the threat of leaving at the synagogue was extremely upsetting to him. My poor little boy.

Elliot and I brought Micah home, and Micah and Megan headed out for a few hours. I hired Megan through her best friend, Christin (our other babysitter), and Christin's mother Laura babysit's my friend's children on Thursdays. Megan decided to bring Micah over to Laura's house to play with Merrick and Addie for a few hours. Apparently, Micah had a great time today chasing after Merrick...he seems to be well behaved when playing with older children, but not so much with children his own age.

After Micah and Megan left, Elliot, Maya and I left for Hopkins. About 5 minutes into our trip, Elliot's cell phone rang, and it was our niece, Melissa, telling us about reports that there was a gunman at Hopkins who shot a doctor. We were naturally worried about my mom, but we decided to continue on our drive while we searched for more information. We called and alerted my father, and we called my brother to check into some information online. Elliot also got on the phone and called his Red Cross contacts. From what we could tell, the shooter was in the building adjacent to my mom's, on the 8th floor. We heard he was contained (barricaded into a room), and we were hopeful that we would be able to get into the hospital to see my mother. I spent most of the trip to Hopkins fielding phone calls about the situation there, trying to get information, and answering text messages.

When we arrived at Hopkins, streets around the hospital were closed, the hospital was on lockdown, and parking was a nightmare since most of the lots were closed. We finally found some street parking, and we set about getting some information. In the process, Elliot was interviewed by WBAL radio, giving the "human" side of the story. We ran into my mother's rehab doctor and talked to him. He told us that the Rehab wing was secure but not evacuated, and he helped us reach the front desk. After speaking to my mother's nurse, I was able to call her room directly and speak to her. I let her know that we were all okay, that we were at the hospital, but unable to get inside to see her.

My mom informed me that she was miserable and in pain again, which made it even worse that we were stuck outside. They had to perform another disimpaction, and my mother told me it was excruciatingly painful. After I got off the phone with her, I called my father again, and learned he was only a few minutes away. We arranged to meet near one of the blockades.

About 20 minutes later, we found my father. He introduced Elliot to a WBAL News Channel 11 reporter, and Elliot was interviewed on air! His 15 minutes of fame in the middle of all this mess. Actually, he was on a second time, breaking the news (from a police twitter) that the gunman shot himself and his mother. For those of you on Facebook, we have the first video interview posted there. We spent the next few hours stuck outside, with varying reports about what was going on inside. Here is what we discerned over the course of the day: a man shot a doctor after arguing with him. Apparently, the doctor operated on his mother, and she was paralyzed as a result of the surgery. He was loose in the hospital, and ended up barricading himself on the 8th floor (we think in his mother's room). Ultimately, he shot his mother and shot himself. On a side note, how awful is that story? I just don't understand some people...if you are angry with a doctor, then go after their medical license. Shooting the doctor did not help his mother in any way, and it certainly isn't going to teach that doctor a lesson or hurt his career, if, in fact, he did something wrong. And killing his mother? She went from paralyzed to dead because of him! Even if she lived, once he shot the doctor, he made it impossible for him to be there for his mother. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how ending their lives in any way helped. The story is just tragic, and I wish there wasn't so much evil in the world.

Within ten minutes, they started to ease up on the barricades, and we were able to get around and inside the hospital. It was nearly 3:00 when we finally made it up to my mom's room. She immediately asked me to read the blog and your messages - I think that might be her favorite part of the day. Zena - she groans at your jokes of the day...but she absolutely pays attention to every word I read! By the way, I've apparently been confused about some of the gifts that have been sent to the hospital. The beautiful plant I keep mentioning is from "the kids" - Heather & Jon, Seth, Jack & Jenny, Erik & Annie, and Matt & Marisa - a group of my mom's friends' children. I know that several of you read this blog - and I just wanted to say how much she loves that plant. So, apparently I'm the one who is confused!

We found my mother extremely miserable and in pain. It has been a really rough week for her. We helped her eat lunch, and then PT showed up again. They wanted to work with us on transfers again. We did one transfer from the bed to the wheelchair, and it went well, but my mother was in too much pain. We transferred her back to bed, and then she asked to be transferred to the commode. When we finally got her back in bed, she was exhausted and did not want to do any more transfers or therapy.

At that point, Elliot had to leave to get home in time for the babysitter, and I decided to stay longer to be with my mother. My father and I stayed with my mom while she napped and then through dinner. We did learn that she will be starting radiation and chemo in the morning. And so it begins. My mom became very quiet after they shared this news with us...I think she is scared. She is worried about the side effects, and worried that she will be even more miserable than she is now. Actually, when we were talking about it, my father joked that she shouldn't worry, she wouldn't be forgetting that she was married to him. I joked back that there was no chemo or radiation in the world strong enough to eradicate some memories! I hope that radiation and chemo go well for her, but I am worried for her, too.

My father and I left around 7:30, and we drove back together. We talked on the way home...about my mother and the future. It was sad, but it was a good conversation. Once we returned to Bethesda, we stopped off at a Verizon store to pick out a new phone for my mother. I'm hoping that it will make things easier for mom, and I will bring it up to her in the morning. My dad came back to our house and joined us for a pizza dinner, once again, compliments of my cousin, Francine. Micah was still awake when we got home, and he was just being cute and playful. My father left after dinner, and we managed to put both of the kids to bed relatively early. I plan to play with my mom's phone a bit more tonight to learn the features and make sure I can explain to my mom how to use it.

My father called a little while ago - apparently, my mother is having a very rough night. I sure hope she feels better soon - she needs her rest tonight. Wish us luck tomorrow! I hope my mom can handle the radiation and chemo without incident, because I'm just not certain she can take much more. And is it too much to ask for a day without any crazy gunman incidents, too? I don't want anything keeping me away from Mom tomorrow when she needs us.

So...another emotionally draining day, filled with drama, hours of being trapped outside the hospital and unable to get to my mom, and tons of tension and worry. We are all a little nervous about tomorrow, too, but I hope we can get through it without any problems.