Infertility and #2

Many of you may know that it took us a while to get pregnant. When you go through challenges getting pregnant, the doctors brand you with a diagnosis . . . "infertility." I always thought that infertility meant the inability to get pregnant or have children, but it turns out that "infertility" also means "we worked really hard, went through a lot and waited a long time to get pregnant."

That time was extremely difficult for me . . . I wanted very much to experience the joy of pregnancy and parenthood, but everyday, I lived with the fear that we would never get pregnant. I also remember the jealousy that would strike. It was very difficult to be around pregnant people, paste on that smile, and be happy for them, when all I wanted was to be in their shoes.

I remember when we were trying to get pregnant, I used to get pretty upset at women who already had babies who were whining about not getting pregnant with a 2nd or a 3rd child. I really was not sympathetic - I kept thinking, "at least they have one." I know they went through pain each and every month they didn't get pregnant, but part of me would think "well, they can wait their turn." I would get upset when friend after friend got pregnant quickly or easily each month, and it was a struggle for us. I kept thinking that it was all so unfair. But, like the "never let them see you sweat" commercial, I never let them see my pain . . . or jealousy. I went to every birthday party, every bbq, every baby naming, every bris and pasted on a smile. Along the way, I learned how to be truly happy for my friends despite my personal pain. Only my closest confidantes ever knew I was masking any pain.

So, here I am, a woman with a child, getting ready sometime in the next year or so to try again for another child. I still have some friends struggling with infertility, who wait month after month to find out that they are finally pregnant, and on one level, I feel that it is unfair for me to want another child when they are still struggling to have their first baby. I feel a bit guilty to be preparing to go through this process, and a little afraid of sharing with them my whines and rants about not getting pregnant each month when they are still waiting to have baby #1.

Not surprisingly, I do feel a bit different about the subject now that I am on the other side. I do think infertility is infertility, and it hurts whether it is for #1 or #2. In some ways, going through it all over again when you know what you are about to face is just ridden with all kinds of anxiety.

Despite my guilt, a part of me hopes to be one of those lucky ones who has it easier the 2nd time around. If that happens, I am sure I will feel guilty that I became one of "them" - you know, the people I always resented. And secretly, I hope to have the opportunity to join the "them" club. I also really do hope that I am not one of those women who can never have that 2nd child - I hope that "infertility" doesn't try and steal that joy from me, too.

Stroller Talk

I thought I'd take today to talk about strollers. Elliot and I had a horrible time trying to figure out the whole stroller situation. There are so many different kinds . . . frames, umbrella strollers, full strollers, lite strollers, jogging strollers . . . it is so confusing! We had no idea how to differentiate. We knew that initially we wanted a stroller that would work with our carseat. We selected the Graco Snugride carseat, so there were a host of stroller options.

While I was pregnant, we made a trip up to Great Beginnings and took a tour of all the different products with the manager, Joe (we LOVE him, and Great Beginnings, too). After our initial meeting with him, we were thinking of purchasing the Graco Metrolite stroller - we thought it would give us room to grow, and would be great for use with the infant carseat. He said it would be all we would need, and would give us a good mix of the benefits of both an umbrella stroller and a "full" stroller. We were decidedly against buying a stroller frame (basically, a basket for storage and a metal frame for attaching the car seat) - we thought it was a waste of money since we would only be able to use it for 6-9 months while we were using the infant carseat.

As is our style, Elliot and I kept debating about the stroller. After thinking we liked the Metrolite, we started noticing the widespread use in our area of "jogging" strollers as regular strollers. As we talked to more and more people (and went back to consult with Joe about it), we realized that the "jogging" stroller would be a good idea for us. We live in an urban area, do a fair amount of walking and go on hikes, so we wanted a versatile stroller that we could use in all these different ways. I was also interested in a stroller that would be easy to steer. The three-wheeled "jogging" style strollers are excellent for urban living, long walks, and maneuverability. They are often good on different terrains, and the more we looked at them, the more we liked them. We narrowed down our search to the Baby Jogger CityMini and the BOB Revolution stroller. We still weren't sure, however, if we would need a standard stroller in addition to the jogging stroller. Elliot and I spent months avoiding the decision, and a few short weeks before Micah was born . . . we still did not know what stroller we wanted to get.

Luckily, my sister-in-law Jen came to the rescue! She had purchased the Graco stroller frame for her girls, so we decided to borrow that while we decided what stroller we wanted. I have to say, the Graco frame was quite handy - much more useful than I had anticipated. The storage is decent (although I found it difficult to pull things out from the basket while the infant seat is locked in place). It was lightweight and easy to open/close and transport (critical for me). It has a cupholder that has come in quite handy, too. We still use it as the primary stroller that we keep in the car. Many of my new mommy friends have a different variation of the frame - they use the Snap 'N Go frame, and I think it might have a few nicer features. I'm not sure about the weight or ease of use, but it looks nice. My biggest objection to the stroller frame is that it does not steer well. The wheels often get stuck making tighter turns, and it is difficult to maneuver with one hand (a key concern when you are juggling doors, or trying to walk a dog while navigating with a stroller). Nevertheless, it was free for us, and it is a relatively inexpensive "starter" stroller that is good to use while you contemplate how you live with a baby and assess your needs after you have a baby.

After our experience with the frame, we became certain that we wanted a three-wheeled "jogging" stroller for our permanent stroller. We examined hundreds of them out and about and read reviews. Based on the information we gathered, we ruled out many of the less expensive Kolkraft imitation jogging strollers. We had heard excellent things about the Bill and Ted's, but it didn't really seem like a good option to me (still can't tell you exactly why - it is expensive but it doesn't offer anything better or nicer than the other brands unless you have 2 children, and it falls short on some of the features we did like about the brands we selected). Elliot was a bit intrigued by the Jeep branded "jogging" strollers, but I thought they were cheaply made, and the reviews were mediocre. That left us with two choices - the BOB Revolution and the Baby Jogger City Mini (we ruled out the City Elite because it was too expensive for what it was and bigger than we needed).

Ultimately, everyone who has the BOB Revolution LOVES it. It is a true jogging stroller, however, and well . . . I don't jog. Ever. Unless maybe someone was chasing me. With a knife. Even then . . . not sure I'd be jogging. I might prefer to stay and fight. The BOB is extremely expensive - around $400. The BOB is a bit heavier (important for a jogging stroller) and it is a bit bulky to fold up and put away. It pulls together like an umbrella, only it does not have any kind of a clasp or a hook to keep it closed. Many of our friends said they never closed it because it would just fall over and open up anyway. We also heard that it is complicated to close, large (it does not fit in all cars) and heavy for people like me with no upper body strength. The wheels are real tires (not the hard plastic like other strollers) so you can get punctures and flats. The suspension, however, is much better for runners, and supposedly it provides much nicer cushioning for the baby.

In contrast, the City Mini has a single-handle pull closure. It is so easy to close! It folds up nice and small, and if you are tight on space (as we are), it is fairly compact (for a stroller). It is relatively light weight. The underseat storage . . . sucks. It has a great canopy for covering the baby, and two plastic windows for peeking in on him. The stroller does not come with much - you have to buy the infant cupholder console and the parent console separately. If you want to attach your infant carseat, you have to buy another accessory carseat bar. Like most jogging strollers, the front wheel can lock in place (for rougher terrain) or swivel (great for maneuverability). The stroller can be controlled with just one hand, and it is so light and easy to push. The stroller is not inexpensive, but it is significantly cheaper than the BOB (it lists at $220, but we were able to use a 20% off coupon). The biggest complaint I heard about this stroller is that when you have a child that sits upright, the City Mini does not go fully upright (it stays slanted) and the children will sometimes lean forward rather than utilize the back support, and many parents think this must be uncomfortable for their children. I'll let you know when Micah is sitting up! It is not considered a true jogging stroller - if you intend to actually jog with it on a regular basis . . . well, you are probably better off investing in a BOB.

For us, the City Mini made the most sense. I do wish we had more under-seat storage, but I love having the light and easy stroller. We are just starting to use it with Micah more often - we take it out on neighborhood walks, and I brought it to my Stroller Strides exercise class. We did not purchase the infant carseat bar accessory (Elliot and I are STILL not in agreement on that) so I have not yet switched to it as my primary stroller because I still prefer to keep Micah in the carseat whenever I can - it is just easier than trying to transfer him all the time.

On another note, we also ended up with an old Metrolite. Elliot found one on sale at a consignment shop (Wiggle Room) for practically nothing and picked it up about 1 month ago. We kept forgetting to transfer the stroller frame between our cars, and after I was stuck without a stroller a few times, we decided that the secondhand Metrolite would make for a good alternate stroller now (and when we have to dump the frame, it will continue to play the roll of backup stroller in the 2nd car). Because we bought it secondhand, we did not get to select a nice pattern. In fact, I hate the pattern we have. We also do not have one of the newer strollers with all the bells and whistles. I find it a bit bulky. It folds the same way as the frame, but it is more difficult to figure out. It has a clasp to keep the stroller from inadvertently opening, and you can fold down the handlebar so that it is more compact. It is heavier and bulkier to lift, and it can be challenging to maneuver. I love the under-seat storage - it is quite roomy, and it has a release system that allows you to drop the side to reach underneath. It comes with both the parent and infant consoles included, which is nice, and the canopy covers the infant seat well. It fully reclines, and it sits upright. It is compatible with the infant carseat (no need to buy any accessories). Our friends Dave and Jen who have the Metrolite love it. I think the XL version is the one they recommend (although I might have that wrong). If you expect to be sticking mostly to malls or paved areas/sidewalks, the Metrolite is probably a great option. It is reasonably priced and about as compact as you can get for a full stroller.

That about summarizes our stroller discussion. There is another class of strollers that is also quite popular around here - we call them the "chi-chi" strollers, and from our perspective, they are a whole lot of money for no real purpose. These strollers include the Bugaboo, the Quinny, and the Stokke. Most of the women in my playgroup bought the Quinny, and I know one person with a Bugaboo. Basically, these are stroller frames that can be placed in different positions as your child grows and they come with 2 or 3 different attachable seats. One size works with the infant carseats. We really did not see the benefit of these strollers, and they start around $800.

Now . . . can someone explain an umbrella stroller to me? I'm not sure yet why anyone needs one in addition to regular strollers, but I may figure that out with time. My friends who have one swear by the Maclaren . . . I don't have an opinion on that yet. I understand why the lack of the consoles and under-seat storage makes it inadequate for some people as the only stroller, but I'm not sure it really seems more compact or useful. Feel free to comment on your favorite strollers!

Micah likes it!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, on Sunday we fed Micah rice cereal for the very first time! My little boy is growing up and eating solid foods. We started with organic brown rice cereal with DHA. The instructions we had told us to make it very thin, almost like soup, for the very first feeding. So, as instructed, we mixed 1 tbs of cereal with 4 tbs of breast milk. The biggest problem we had was that it kept dripping everywhere. We will gradually make it thicker over time as Micah becomes accustomed to eating. We think we managed to use about 1/2 of the mixture . . . probably 1/2 of that dripped on the table or on Micah, but hey, it was a good start! (UGH - I just imagined Elliot telling a bad joke in my head . . . he would have said "Not Good Start, it was Gerber.")

Naturally, we decided to videotape and photograph this momentous event! Here are the photographs:

If you prefer the live-action version, press the triangle in the lower left corner of the videos. I hope you enjoy these shots as much as we do!

Raspberries to you! (It's Just Another Video Sunday)

It appears that Micah's favorite thing to do these days is to blow raspberries. All day long. He blows them until he drools. And he blows drool bubbles. And the drool drips down his shirt (or on the floor, or the playmat). All the while, he is shrieking, kicking and laughing with delight!

I know it doesn't sound like much to you, but raspberries are a milestone. They indicate certain skills in dexterity, and an ability to discover an action and repeat it. Like most babies, I think Micah enjoys both the sound it makes and the feel on his lips. The sensations are exciting right now, and he loves to make raspberries. I love to watch how something so simple brings sheer joy to my little man.

We've hit a few other important milestones in the past few weeks. Micah has found his thumb . . . again, it doesn't seem like much, but while he has previously sucked his hands and fingers, he actually likes his thumb right now, and really appreciates the difference. He puts it in his mouth and curls his fingers around his nose.


And a little video for good measure - press the triangle on the lower left corner to see Micah in action:



Unlike sucking on his hand, he finds his thumb quite comforting. It is not a habit I want to encourage (thumbsucking is a much harder habit to break than a paci, in my opinion - the pacifier fairy can come take the pacifier away, but I've never figured out how you get rid of a thumb!) but it is so darn cute right now. Micah has also discovered how to put his own paci in his mouth . . . sometimes. The problem is, he is also the one taking it out and upsetting himself most of the time, and he is much better at taking it out than putting it back again.

I've mentioned this before, but Micah can really play with toys now. He hits buttons, and spins rollers, and turns dials, and he smiles in the mirror and responds to the lights and music. He LOVES his new toys (thanks to Grandma Roberta for this wonderful activity center!), and he is learning to reach further and sit taller everyday. (Don't forget to press the triangle on the lower left corner to watch Micah play).





He is getting close to holding a sit by himself - He can do it for 2 or 3 seconds right now if I position him "just" right . . . but then he flops over. I'll bet he'll be sitting in the next few weeks. As for rolling over - he can easily roll from tummy to back (but sometimes gets stubborn and won't do it). I am also convinced he is able to roll from back to belly, but he hates being on his belly, so he always stops short. At night, he rolls most of the way over to his belly - he likes to sleep with both arms and his chest flat on the bed, but his hips tilted sideways.

And the most important milestone of all . . . Micah can use a real swing! Dave, Jen and Max came over today, and off to the neighborhood park we went. I had seen a picture on Facebook of a friend from Micah's playgroup in the swing, and I began to wonder if Micah was big enough to use the swing, too. We plopped him in there . . . and he was smiling, laughing, and enjoying it! He had no problem holding himself upright. It was pretty amazing.




Oh . . . and we sent Micah down the slide for good measure.


With this kind of progress, we might need to send him to college next month! Okay, maybe not, but can you tell I'm a proud mommy?

Here is some "bonus" video from the past few weeks (to play, click on the triangle on the bottom left of each frame):

Micah spending time with Poppy Ira


Micah being entertained by his Cousin Brian

Another anniversary of sorts

One year ago today, we found out that we were finally expecting a baby. I still remember that moment like it was yesterday . . . I had suspected I was pregnant (perhaps the positive home pregnancy test was a giveaway?) but we were so afraid to believe it was for real this time. I had gone in for a blood pregnancy test, and my beta was delivered to me by my nurse with a phone call. I was standing at the bottom of my stairs, and Elliot was upstairs. I answered the phone, and I remember Mary asking me how I was feeling, and all I could think was "I don't know, you tell me." She finally said "How about we call you momma" and I started bawling. I called to Elliot, and he came to the stairs, and we just sat there, crying and hugging each other. I learned that my beta was pretty darn high, so they thought I had a nice healthy bean growing.

What a roller coaster this last year has been - and wonderful. I can't believe how much has changed in my life, and I'm so thankful for everything that has happened. I'm also amazed that we are even thinking about going through this process all again. The thought terrifies me - getting back on that emotional roller coaster is going to be tough.