It's all about furniture

I might just be in the early stages of nesting. I am not sure that I completely understand what nesting is, but if it is this overwhelming urge to get your house and life in order, then I'm nesting. This week, I've been making phone calls and appointments, making decisions, and generally trying to clean up both my surroundings and a whole lot of loose ends. Some days, I feel the need to quit my job so I can work on getting my life in order!

As you may know, we are in the process of renovating Elliot's house, and are hoping to move there in the next few weeks. At present, we have been crammed into my townhouse, and the mess and *stuff* has taken over. I had previously given up any effort at order or cleanliness, because we have been on the verge of moving for 3 months now.

This week, however, I hit my limit. I have been all over Elliot to clean up all the crap that has taken over our lives at my house, and I've been all over him to come with me and make decisions about furniture for his house. I think it dawned on me that it can easily take 8-12 weeks to get furniture once we order it, and with that time frame in mind, we're running out of time before the baby arrives. On Thursday night, we went up to Great Beginnings to look at furniture. We have it narrowed down to 2 possible bedroom sets, but we just can't decide which of the two. This is definitely progress, however - we do know that we will purchase one of the two sets! The first set I think is far more interesting in terms of wood texture and design, but the second set is a little less expensive and simpler (which a boy might prefer). I'll post the pictures here for any comments/feedback - but note that the pictures do not necessarily reflect the pieces we are considering:




We also finalized which car seat we intend to purchase, we think we may have decided on a stroller as well, and we narrowed down our bedding options and glider options. Here are the 2 different beddings we are considering:



You would think with these big decisions out of the way, I would relax a bit, right? Of course not! I then felt the need to point out the baby's room is only ONE room in the house, and we still need to deal with replacing the dining room table Elliot broke (long story short, he thought ironing on the glass table was a good idea - until he left the iron face down on the table and walked away without turning it off - naturally, the glass top splintered, and we do not currently have a functional dining room table), and we need new couches for the living room and the basement rec room. So, Elliot humored me, and today was furniture shopping day. We went to Marlo and Top Drawer (and we will be hitting Crate and Barrel tomorrow) and I think we have it narrowed down to 2 different couches - one from Top Drawer, and one from Crate and Barrel. We need to figure out exactly which pieces will fit in the living room, and the best shape for the basement rec room, but we think we are all set in our selections. We also found a new glass table top at Top Drawer that we can purchase to replace the broken one.

Not bad for a weekend, right? I am hoping to order the couches this week, and then I'll focus on accessories (we'll need a new coffee table, a plant stand, perhaps a filing cabinet and some storage shelves, and I'd like to get a storage bench with a cushion to serve as a window seat in a few of the house's alcove areas). So . . . I'd say we are making progress! If we can just get them to install the toilets and finish the cabinets and lighting, we could actually start the process of moving!

First Hypnosis Session

Today was my first hypnosis session . . . and I'm not quite sure what I think. Some of it was a little crunchy for me, and I'm not convinced that I really buy in to the whole concept yet, but I am committed to giving this my best try to see where it takes me. The good news is that she did not expect me to fall into some kind of a trance. She spent most of the time trying to have me focus on the events that triggered my phobia, and try to relive and discuss those feelings several times. I definitely expressed my emotions about the trigger events, but I can't say I feel like I made any progress. I guess I am not welling up with tears when I merely think about needing an IV, so we'll see. She believes that much of the root of phobias is unreleased anxiety that we spend years trying to suppress, and by letting us feel, experience and process our original emotions about the trigger event, we can release some of the fear and allow our rational mind to cope with the situation. She uses a lot of self-affirmations (and it is a good thing my eyes were closed because there were times I am sure I would have rolled my eyes). I'm going to go back for another session next week - supposedly we will focus this next session on the future - why I dread/fear/feel anxious about future needle interactions.

Let's Talk Politics!

I'm a political junkie - always have been, always will be. I am one of those people who will stay up all night as they count the election returns, and will not go to sleep until after I've seen who has control of the Senate and House, who won the presidency, which party has the majority of governorships, and who won all the hotly contested elections. Then, I'll usually stay awake an additional few hours to watch the political commentary on the results on each of the major news channels . . . MSNBC, CNN, and sometimes even Fox.

In general, I believe it is a bad idea to talk politics in casual settings. I have been quite careful to keep politics off of this blog, and not start a massive debate about politics. I believe everyone has a right to their perspectives and opinions, and I respect intelligence from every person, even when I fundamentally disagree with their perspective.

In the wake of the momentous announcements of the last 24 hours, however, I feel moved to speak out and express my opinions. I should start by saying that I'm not only a political junkie, I'm a fairly die-hard liberal - an unabashed card-carrying member of the Democratic party. I am an independent thinker, and do not always believe in the Democratic party line on every issue, but I believe firmly in looking at core party principles, and would rather trust tough decision making to leaders who respect and honor the same principles to which I subscribe. As a result, even when I do not love the candidates, I often will look to the broader ideals and how I feel they would decide on issues that are critical to me (disability issues, women's rights, education, family, gay rights, personal freedom, etc.). I have been extremely disappointed by many of the frankly un-American and anti-Constitutional unilateral actions taken by the Administration (and our Supreme Court) over the past eight years, and I am certain these actions reflect the vast differences in core values between our two parties. While many Republicans align more politically with Democratic principles, and vice versa, I do believe party politics are critical in any US election.

The reason I am ranting about core values is I believe this election is about core values. I am not an Obama fan. I try and try, but I just cannot get on the Obama bandwagon. While I am thrilled to see the day that America nominated a black man for President, Obama is not a candidate who impresses me with his wealth of knowledge and experience. I think he is intelligent, I think he is a brilliant speaker most of the time, and I think he believes in the key Democratic values that are important to me. I am also saddened that this was not the election when America, one of the last industrialized countries who has yet to have a woman in the highest office, would finally shatter the glass ceiling and choose a competent, experienced woman with the qualifications to do the job.

As you can tell, I was a Hillary supporter. I did not start out behind Hillary - I frankly thought she would be un-electable. I thought that after years of press vilification, Hillary would never be able to restore her image. Initially, I thought perhaps Edwards would be my candidate. He spoke to the issues, and I liked what he had to say (ironic, since I had such a strong dislike for him 4 years before). But each time I watched and listened to Hillary, I became inspired. I was awed by her intelligence, her ability to persevere in the face of the attacks, her knowledge and understanding of both the problems and the system, and her technique for transforming into a credible and likable candidate in the wake of everything she had endured. Somewhere along the way, I became a believer. In my book, charisma (and even intelligence) alone is not enough. President Carter was largely ineffective because he lacked the political savvy to work the system. My experience with our system has taught me that the ONLY way to effect change in Washington is to use the system and make it work, not disregard it and believe you can supersede the system. The system is Washington is entrenched - it can be worked, it can be manipulated, it can be reformed and improved - but it cannot be bypassed. Anyone who does not understand the system well enough to manage it with its failures cannot comprehend how to fix the parts that broken. Hillary learned this the hard way as First Lady, when she tried to reform our health care system. She did not work the system with the expertise she now possesses, and the system defeated her. I am worried that we do not have time for Obama to learn that same lesson "on the job."

After last night's historic event, and John McCain's congratulatory ad to Obama, I knew he had a trick up his sleeve. I believe that John McCain has brilliant political strategists working for him, and if Obama is smart, he should try and steal them! What a way to steal thunder from an historic event - announcing a female Vice Presidential candidate who is pretty, intelligent, young, known as a maverick reformer, and just plain likable. Don't misunderstand me - I do not agree with Sarah Palin's political views, and for a die-hard politico like me, simply placing a woman on the ticket will not be enough to win my vote. But McCain's strategists, on some level, effectively made this a race between the first black President, and the first woman Vice President. For many women, McCain and Palin reflect a fairly moderate, independent-minded political perspective. They are progressive, they are strong on education and disabilities, and they are respectful of individual rights. BUT, they do hold traditional Republican party views on abortion, the death penalty, and the war. For many people (and women) in the US, this is not a problem. There are feminists throughout this country taking a 2nd look at McCain/Palin, and I think he will win a significant number of those votes. McCain, the man no one thought could possibly win, is running a brilliant campaign - proving once again that political savvy trumps charisma any day.

As for me - I have already said that I'm not an Obama-girl. But, I will be voting for the Obama-Biden ticket on election day. Why?? Core principles. I am scared that George Orwell's 1984 has finally come true after the past 8 years. Our individual rights are being eroded, our country and our economy is suffering, and I'm not sure I believe that America is truly a "super-power" anymore. I am scared by the current Supreme Court, and I believe that a Democrat in the White House, and Democratic control of Congress, will give us the opportunity to reverse some of these terrible things that have happened during the past 8 years. Perhaps we can have new judges appointed who can act as a proper check on governmental abuse. Perhaps we can restore the strength of the dollar, and put an end to deficits and improve our environment. Whoever takes control, there is a huge mess that needs to be cleaned up. Some of the issues will be handled the same, regardless of who takes power. I think McCain will not start new wars unilaterally the way Bush did, and I think his plans to stay in Iraq forever will be curbed by Congress. I think Obama will have to take longer to exit Iraq than he would like, and I think he may have to take military action at some point even if he would prefer not to do so. I think both will address the environmental issues we are facing - we have to do that - but I believe it is a core value of the Democratic party, and it will be addressed with greater immediacy and more aggressively with Obama in office.

So . . . I am an advocate for Democratic principles and rights, and as a result, I will punch my ballot for the party nominee . . . even though I do not believe he is the best choice for this election or the job right now. I am actually scared Obama will lose another "un-loseable" election, and I do fear that many will live with the regret of the "right man, wrong time." I also think Obama made a tactical error by not putting Hillary on the ticket, despite their personal differences. Obviously, I would have voted for a Clinton/Obama ticket with no remorse, and would have believed that in 8 years we would see a President Obama. I would have voted for a Obama/Clinton ticket with greater confidence and belief that Obama could reach the Clinton faithfuls and could have waited for another 8 years to watch Hillary's trajectory into the Presidency. To me, Biden was a strange choice - he is a great guy, with solid principles, and he is quite appealing. At least he knows how to work the system, and he will appeal to the "common folk" out there. But his gaffes will likely hurt more than they will help, and a Hillary-free ticket created an environment for McCain to pick up an advantage by naming a woman as a Vice Presidential candidate. I'm just not sure that Biden on the Obama ticket adds as much as Palin on the McCain ticket. I suppose only time will tell.

I'll be obsessively watching the election over the coming months, and I just hope my read on the pulse of the nation is wrong. While I am throwing my support to Obama and hope to see the Democrats in charge of the White House again, my instinct is that political savvy will win out, and McCain may just triumph over these insurmountable odds. And all I'll think will be "I knew it - I can't believe this happened AGAIN." I will end by saying, this is one of the few times in my life I'd LOVE to be wrong.

Yoga Time

When I started out with this pregnancy, I swore I was going to work hard to stay fit and in shape. Health was a factor, but frankly I was terrified I'd gain 300 lbs during the pregnancy, and never be able to fit through a normal door again after the baby arrives. I had grand plans of swimming everyday, and taking long walks, and about 500 other physical activities I was going to do. And then the morning sickness set in . . . and the UTIs. . . . and the sinus infections and bronchitis . . . . and well, let's just say I've been fairly sluggish this pregnancy, despite my good intentions! It is amazing how easy it is to justify staying out of the pool when your head is congested and full.

It seems the morning sickness is finally easing up (I wouldn't say it is gone, but I have more good days than bad days now), and I'm in between UTIs and sinus infections, so I'm feeling pretty good this week. Except for all of my sore muscles (probably from failure to exercise). So, this week, I decided it was time to get back to physical activity. I am usually quite flexible, so I thought a class that would build strength and flexibility in a low-intensity way would reduce my current discomfort and would be an ideal first step back. On Monday night, I drove over at 7:00 pm to go to my first prenatal class . . . only to find they canceled the class! After much searching, I learned that there are tons of yoga centers offering prenatal yoga . . . but none currently have scheduled classes! Naturally, I saw this as a challenge, and it became my mission to find a yoga class to attend. After relentlessly calling and searching, I found another location that has a certified prenatal instructor who teaches a regular yoga class. I spoke to her, and she said that she is willing to let me participate in her regular class and help me modify the exercises to make them appropriate for pregnancy . . . so almost a prenatal yoga class. The good news is, I could continue in this class after I have the baby, too!

I was asked to come in for an initial private session so the instructor could evaluate me, confirm that I am capable of participating in the class, and show me some key modifications I will need to use. Today, I went in for my first private session. I have to say, I haven't felt this relaxed and loose in months! I really enjoyed the physical activity, and I'm hoping to keep it up 1-2 times per week. My next class is on Tuesday, and I will be trying out the group class! I also have grand intentions of getting back to swimming, but one step at a time, right?

Big Step Today

At my last appointment, the midwife "yelled" at us for not enrolling in a birthing class yet. For as ready as I am to be a mommy and to meet this little guy, I guess I am completely avoiding thinking about the birth part of this process. We haven't even picked out furniture, or decided on a name, or chosen the bedding, or started a registry, how can it possibly be time to think about birthing!?! I keep thinking there is so much time for everything later.

For me, I guess the biggest part of thinking about the birthing process is my anxiety over needles. Okay - I'll be honest - it isn't just a general anxiety about needles. Yes, I'll admit it - my name is Jessica, and I have a doctor-certified phobia of needles. My doctors had given me a referral to a psychiatrist months ago to deal with this . . . and I've been sitting on the referral.

At our last appointment, we discussed birthing classes. I am planning to try a natural child birth (prompted in large part by my overwhelming phobia of needles - I'd rather feel every contraction and rip than have a needle stuck in my back ANY day). I'm guessing that if I have to have a c-section, they will likely have to knock me unconscious, because I can't imagine how they will get a needle in my back to keep me lucid during a c-section. After our discussion, the midwife recommended that we try a hypnobirthing class. Yes, I agree - it does sound a tad bit "new-age" and crazy to me. I think that is why I've been delaying the process of signing up. The midwife thought it would give me techniques for coping and self-relaxation that would allow me more control over my emotions and my response to any needles that will be used during child birth. The concept of control is appealing to me . . . but part of me thinks I'm too practical and logical for something as "silly" as hypnosis to ever work.

Elliot and I had a long discussion the other night and decided that this is the right choice for us, and we are now committed and trying to get excited about hypnobirthing. Now, if I could just stop chuckling every time I say "hypnobirthing" that would be a vast improvement! I contacted 2 locations, and we have to decide which place we will be taking our class. I plan to sign us up this week.

After tackling the birthing class issue, I realized that part of my aversion to picking a class had a lot to do with my needle phobia. I have been informed (although I am currently choosing not to believe) that I will have to be on IV antibiotics during labor because I am a Strep B carrier. This Strep B issue has thrown a kink in my needle-free birth plan, and has me incredibly anxious. Let's just say I cannot imagine how any anesthesiologist is going to get a needle in me to give me antibiotics I don't particularly want without getting a black eye and possibly losing a few teeth. And that is the best case scenario - I've been known to take out a room full of nurses and doctors who coming bearing needles.

Once this obvious connection dawned on me, I decided to take charge of my phobia and call the doctor. Naturally, the doctor was not in, and I left a message. About one hour later, the office manager returned my call. It only took about 3 minutes on the phone with her before I was filled with anxiety and practically in tears. I asked about phobia treatments, and after hearing the long spiel about the costs for treatment, they don't participate with insurance, we have to pay out of pocket, blah blah blah . . . she informs me they plan to treat my needle phobia by bringing me into the office and repeatedly stabbing me with needles until I get over it. Okay, perhaps I am over-simplifying the process a bit, but that was the gist of it. I informed the office manager that I did not think that approach would work for me, and I politely thanked her for her time and hung up the phone.

At this point, my anxiety hit a new peak as the realization dawned on me that I will be going into labor and needing an IV with this phobia looming over me, and no coping mechanisms to help improve the experience for me. About one hour later, the doctor from the phobia center called back to try and convince me that the needle stabbing process would, in fact, benefit me. I just know that nothing she said offered me any comfort. Her philosophy was basically that exposure to the needles would make me see I'm being ridiculous, and I would magically get over my fears when I realize the needles won't kill me. I would not say this doctor conveyed a warm fuzzy feeling. In fact, her thick German accent created visions of a masculine-looking German frau dressed in Nazi garb strapping me to a table and repeatedly (and sadistically) stabbing me with needles and hooking me up to IVs as her wicked and maniacal laughter reverberates around the darkened room. Not that I have a vivid imagination.

While I sat here hyperventilating, I went back and looked at one of the hypnobirthing web sites . . . and realized that one of the locations is a full hypnosis center! I put in a call and left a message about hypnosis and phobias. About one hour ago, the doctor called me back to discuss treatment of phobias. I explained my situation . . . and she seemed sympathetic. She did not laugh, nor did she tell me she would stab me with needles until I got over it. She asked if I knew the root of the problem, and I shared my story with her (short version - bad allergic reaction to an immunization as a child, followed up 6 years later with a bad IV that damaged a nerve in my hand). She talked a lot about emotional energy, and how negative emotions can sometimes override the body's internal logic and control functions. She made me feel that it was possible to take control of my emotions, and release them in a way that would let my logical brain dominate over my fear. I am still not sure if I believe in hypnosis, but on Friday I am going in for my first session to give it a try! I think even if it gives me the confidence to face this, or a few coping techniques, it will be well worth the money and effort.