The things they don't tell you

I have posted before about the things they don't tell you about parenthood, and I thought I would revisit the subject again today. I had a rough pregnancy, and when Micah was born, we had quite a few challenges getting him to eat. That was one of the "things they don't tell you."

Nevertheless, I'm so thankful Micah hung in there long enough to avoid NICU time, and I'm so grateful that I was able to bring him home with me when I left the hospital. I've had two friends recently give birth very early - one friend at 31 weeks, and another friend gave birth to twins at 33 weeks. Thankfully, the 31 weeker made it home after 3 1/2 weeks in the NICU, no complications. My other friend's twins are doing well, but she recently learned that one of them has a heart condition. I think another one of the "things they don't tell you" is how hard it is to go through those first few weeks when you have a baby in the NICU. I cannot speak from personal experience, but leaving your baby (or babies) at the hospital must be devastating. Watching them struggle to grow and learn to eat . . . well, that is something I understand. It is exhausting to work so hard to bring those little ones along. And there are scary and frustrating times, too. I think we all expect to give birth and have a baby that grows and eats and is just . . . well, a baby. While you never can appreciate the demands of even a "just a baby" until you have one, I don't think anyone really can communicate how difficult things are when you are dealing with a preemie. They need to grow strong enough so eating isn't exhausting, and they have to learn to suck, and they have to figure out how to suck and eat and breath all together, and have enough energy to do that 8-10 times per day! I guess I just wanted to congratulate those moms of preemies out there . . . the challenges you face are more than anyone ever expects from a a baby.

I have another friend who has been having a rough week with her 3 month old son. He has been waking up 4 or 5 times a night, and she is exhausted and melting down. That is another one of those things they don't tell you - those days are terrible. I remember the exhaustion from the early weeks, and the utter frustration I felt sometimes when I was functioning with no sleep and feedings were not going well, or Micah was fussy about something. We still occasionally have those nights (and sometimes 2 or 3 of those nights in a row) and they are the pits! In those moments, I kind of understood how some mothers come to hurt their children (and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I ever wanted to hurt Micah, just that I suddenly could understand how someone might get to that point). My advice to new mothers is this: it is so important to allow yourself that frustration and find an outlet, and figure out how to walk away and take the time you need to recover. For me, there were nights I just turned to Elliot, woke him up, and said "I just can't do this anymore tonight. I don't care if you are tired, I don't care if you need to give him a bottle of formula, and I don't care if you have to stay up all night rocking him, but you need to take him and I am going to sleep" and I would walk away and go to sleep. I think recognizing my limits and asking for help (or walking away) was critical to keeping my sanity. We mothers feel guilty when we get that tired and frustrated. We feel as if we should find every moment joyous and exciting, because we are just so happy to be parents and we are so full of love for our children. I think I have learned that being frustrated and at wits end is nothing to feel guilty about - it is just one of those "things they don't tell you."

EIGHT

Mandy tagged me on her blog, so here goes . . .

8 things I'm looking forward to...
1. Watching Micah grow up.
2. Taking Micah swimming this summer.
3. Visiting my friend Tammy in Philly this coming weekend.
4. Going to the beach this summer.
5. Finally getting to Hawaii . . . hopefully this fall!
6. Baking Micah's first birthday cake.
7. Summertime . . . pool and sun, here I come!
8. Seeing my nieces on Friday.

8 things I did yesterday...
1. Fed Micah at 7:15 am.
2. Took a 9:00 am business call.
3. Took a 10:00 am business call.
4. Went for my annual checkup.
5. Went and picked up a new outfit for my Mother's Day picture with Micah.
6. Went to the BBYO office to help out with a presentation.
7. Pumped two times (at 2 and 4).
8. Wrote a proposal for a client.

8 things I wish I could do...
1. Take off for a vacation somewhere exotic.
2. Lose weight.
3. Get pregnant again easily when we are ready.
4. Get childcare for Micah.
5. Do a better job of balancing work and Micah.
6. Finish the home renovations and sell my house.
7. Win the lottery and do some good for the world with the money.
8. Hire someone to massage me 24 hours a day!

8 shows I am currently watching...
1. American Idol
2. SVU
3. House
4. One Tree Hill
5. Law & Order
6. Bones
7. Without a Trace
8. Big Bang Theory

Now I'm tagging 8 people: Tammy, Chele, Amy, Kari, Molli, Heather, Carmen, Susie.

When he is good, he is very, very good, but when he is bad he is horrid!

My grandmother used to tell me that nursery rhyme all the time when I was a child. Unfortunately, on Saturday night, Micah made me remember that rhyme. In all fairness, he was not intentionally horrid, and I am partially to blame for his behavior. You see, I think he was missing me.

We had a Bat Mitzvah to attend - my cousin Jill's daughter, Rachel. We took Micah to the service at the synagogue in the morning, but the nighttime party was not a place for babies who should be in bed asleep. So, I arranged with my friends Heather and Brad to babysit for the night. I had Heather come over one night to observe Micah's bedtime routine, but, unfortunately, we did not actually get a chance for her to put him to bed before the "big" night.

They arrived promptly at 6:00 pm. We had a chance to hang out so they could interact with Micah before we left. He had moments of whining before we left, so I was a bit fearful of what was to come. Elliot & I left for the night, and off we went!

At 10:00, I realized I had gotten a text from Heather. Filled with trepidation, I slowly opened the message . . . and realized she was asking for the password to my computer! I was filled with relief as I *knew* all went well. Needless to say, I texted back the password and asked how it went. Unfortunately, the response was not as I expected. Apparently, about 5 minutes after we left, Micah went from cute and smiling to hysterics. Uncontrollable hysterics. The kind that had him crying, coughing, choking, and snot pouring out of his nose. He wouldn't let them give him a bottle or his medicine - NOTHING would comfort him. The hysterics went on for nearly an hour. It was Brad who finally got Micah calm, and taking the bottle, and off to sleep. Poor guy . . .he missed his mommy and daddy. I felt awful for him, but even worse for my friends. I'm sure they'll NEVER agree to put him to bed again!

Happy Mother's Day

For the past several years, Mother's Day has been bittersweet . . . it was a wonderful celebration of my mother, but it was tinged with sadness as I wondered if I, too, would ever get to be a mother. It was fun to celebrate the day, but at the same time, I would often bite back tears of grief and loss, as I was a "Mommy-in-Waiting."

Last year, we had just learned I was pregnant and had seen Micah's heart beating for the first time on the ultrasound only days before. Mother's Day was so emotional for me . . . I was so excited that I was a "Mommy-to-Be" on Mother's Day, and that this year I would finally be a mommy on Mother's Day. I also had moments of fear . . . I was only 7 weeks pregnant, and worried that something could still go wrong. But mostly, I was brimming with hope, and a sense that Mother's Day was truly a holiday for ME.

This year, all I can say is that I am so grateful to be a mommy, and so happy that Micah came into our lives. I was greeted this morning with a beautiful smile from my son, and several wonderful gifts from my family. Elliot bought me a brand new bike so we can go on some family bike rides together, my sisters-in-law bought me a gift certificate for a massage, and we are headed over to my parents' house for a wonderful day together. What more could I want today?

I wanted to wish a wonderful Mother's Day to all the Mommies, Mommies-to-Be and Mommies-in-Waiting out there!

Repetition is a good thing

I learned one important thing today . . . singing the same song over and over to your child has its benefits. Since the day Micah was born, there have been 2 songs that I sing to him when I soothe him - You are my Sunshine and The Rose. We sing other songs for fun, but those have been our soothing songs. I will sing them over and over when I am putting him down or comforting him when he cries. What I learned today is that he recognizes the songs. I barely had to begin singing You are my Sunshine on the plane today and he started to calm down. The flip side is he started screaming again every time I stopped, but I digress.

This morning, Micah woke up around 7, happy and chatting once again. I fed him and then got myself packed and ready for my meetings. Elliot joined us for one meeting (I brought him in as a consultant on an Emergency Preparedness project for this client), so Micah came to our meeting for a bit. He was a really good boy - he hung out in his stroller and played, smiled, and laughed. He also wanted to talk a bit in the meeting since his Daddy and I were speaking. Everyone kept telling us what a wonderful baby he is. Here are some photos of us at the meeting together:


We headed to the airport around 3:30. We made it to the gate in plenty of time. Once again, it was a packed flight, so Micah had to sit on my lap. We got on the plane, and he was a bit fussy. I nursed him, and he fell asleep just before takeoff. He slept for the first part of the flight, but we hit some turbulence, we changed altitude and Micah woke up crying. I think his ears were bothering him. I brought Micah close and began to sing to him, and he quickly calmed down. Within a few minutes, Micah was chatting and smiling again. I passed him to his Daddy, and they bounced, and played flying baby, and took a walk around the plane.

Towards the end of the flight, Micah got fussy again. I'm not sure if it was his ears, or if his reflux was the problem, or perhaps those possible teeth cutting through, but he was miserable most of the last half hour. I sang him to sleep and he cuddled close to me - as long as I was rocking and singing, he was quiet. Right when we landed, he started getting hysterical - exactly 12 hours after he took his last dose of Zantac. As soon as we got off the plane, I gave him his medicine and changed his diaper. We went to the parking garage, and I nursed him while we waited for Elliot to get the car. Elliot decided to capture the moment . . . this is me nursing Micah while I sat in a wheelchair in the parking garage:

As soon as we got in the car and started driving, Micah got upset again. I was leaning backwards, holding his hand, and keeping his paci in his mouth. About 10 minutes into the trip home, he fell asleep. We managed to get him in the house and into the crib without waking him up. He is still sound asleep right now!

Here are a few fun pictures of Micah - he is sitting in a real high chair for dinner at his Aunt Jen and Uncle Jeremy's house, and playing in his new exersaucer loaned to us by his Aunt Jen and Uncle Jeremy. Can you believe what a big boy Micah is becoming?