Oh, no - I've become my mother . . . and other ramblings.

Yes, it is true - the other day I unwittingly became my mother. I was sitting with Micah, and he had all this crap around his mouth. I didn't hesitate - in fact, I didn't even think about it - I licked my thumb and used it to wipe the schmutz off his face. I was horrified! I immediately called my mom and confessed, but as of the other day . . . I'm one of "those" moms - and I'm now MY mom.

It is funny how we do what is familiar - I find myself saying things I know my mother said to me. Not the stuff I swore I'd never say, but the comforting things I also remember from my childhood. Some of it I haven't thought of in years, and I never realized it could still buried in the recesses of my mind. But, somehow, the phrases are there . . . and they just naturally roll off of my tongue.

I'm kind of feeling like writing another "things I've learned" post and "things I don't want to forget." So, I think I will.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED:

• Poop can blow out every end of the diaper . . . simultaneously. Always have a spare outfit in the diaper bag, and lots of wipes.
• At a minimum, a diaper bag should contain: 3-5 diapers, a change of clothes, desitin (or balmex or butt paste), a receiving blanket (or other blanket for your LO to play on or get wrapped in when needed), plastic bags (preferably the biodegradable ones) for wrapping up dirty diapers when you can't throw them out, extra formula/bottles with water OR a hooter hider if you breastfeed, a bib, an extra pacifier if you have a paci-sucker, a portable changing pad, and wipes. If your child takes medicine (like for acid reflux) always have a dose on hand, just in case! As they get older, snacks and toys should be added to the list. Let me know if you have any other "must" haves!
  
• You have to experiment with the swaddle - sometimes babies like them tight, sometimes they like them loose, sometimes they learn to escape. With persistence, you can try to continually outsmart their efforts at becoming the next Houdini.
• It is so important to get out there and connect with other mommies. Breastfeeding support groups, Mommy & Me classes, story hours, exercise classes . . . whatever you can find. I recommend checking out community centers, libraries, hospital programs, churches/synagogues, and Gymborees to find the right programs for you. Once you connect with one or two people, it is amazing how many more things you will learn - the "hot" spots to take kids, products you should try, places to play, mommy-friendly locations, daycare advice . . . and most of all, other people who are going through the same thing and just *get* it. I learned that many breastfeeding women use dressing rooms in clothing stores to go breastfeed their children. I never would have thought of that! And Nordstrom's apparently has a baby play area - I've heard people spend hours there.
• Get out of the house. Often, and sometimes alone. It can all be overwhelming when you relegate yourself to the house.
• Be flexible. Babies are not likely to be scheduled. It is okay if they don't do what you think they "should" be doing . . . like napping in a crib. It is more important to find a system that works for you than to do it the way it is written in a book. Set very loose goals (like making sure there is enough napping so that the baby is not over-tired) and worry less about how you are achieving them.
• Keep trying new things. Sometimes, repeat old things that didn't work the first time. You just never know.
• Listen . . . to all kinds of advice . . . but take it all with a grain of salt. Sometimes, what works for some people will not work for you. But sometimes it will. Try what feels right, discard the rest.
• Try to enjoy the time you have - it is precious, and it does pass so quickly.
• Trust your instincts . . . you KNOW when there is something wrong, and if you get a crazy idea that you think might work, it just might.
• Don't be afraid to call for help . . . doctors, friends, support groups, lactation consultants, family. Sometimes you just need a break. Sometimes things that SHOULD be intuitive aren't.
  
• If you are breastfeeding, giving a pacifier or a bottle will not destroy your baby or ruin breastfeeding . . . babies are amazingly flexible if you train them to be.
• If breastfeeding is challenging, you have 2 choices . . . . switch to bottle-feeding (and there is NOTHING wrong with that option) or push through it and it SHOULD get easier. Whatever you pick, the decision will be right for you.
• Routines are important. . . for bedtime, for napping, etc. Routines are NOT the same as schedules. Start a bedtime routine relatively early. We started around 8 weeks. We have a baby who sleeps through the night and has since 8 weeks. Not all babies WILL sleep through the night, no matter what you do. Just keep trying. For us, I found frequent day feedings (every 2 - 2 1/2 hours) helped. We started regular feeds throughout the day, and then (once he hit his birth weight) started letting him go as long as he wanted during 1 nighttime period. We slowly started doing that for 2 stretches at night.
  
• If you have a lot of evening fussiness, and feeding it away doesn't work . . . consider that maybe your baby is tired. That was a totally eye-opening experience for us.
• It is normal to feel like you are doing a bad job . . . to feel like you don't know how to play with your little one, and to have days when all you want to do is give them to someone else for a little while.
  

THINGS I DON'T WANT TO FORGET

• How he sits and stares at himself in the mirror - and laughs and giggles.
• The way he smiles bigger for me than anyone else.
• The way his eyes light up when he smiles . . . and the small dimple emerging on his cheek when he laughs.
• How he kicks and bobs in the swaddle as he slides down his incline sleeper . . . and the ways he can Houdini out of the swaddle.
• His surprise when he sees something that interests him.
• The way he smells . . . just sort of fresh and sweet.
• The cooing sounds that make my heart melt.
• How he grabs my hands so tightly and holds on.
• They way he grabs my hair when I'm breastfeeding him.
• The way he tightly curls his hands up.
• The way he kicks and fights and shrieks when he is angry or wants something.
• The worried expression on his face sometimes when he is getting upset.
• How he snuggles up on me as he is going to bed.
• How he calms down when I start singing to him.
  

Fun Day!

Today was a really great day . . . aside from the fact that Micah woke up at 4:00 am and wanted to nurse. I think he got himself a bit worked up with the swaddle, and I sent Elliot in to take care of it. Somehow, the visit with Elliot got Micah riled up instead of soothed, and he ended up very awake and upset. I went in and nursed him, and he fell back asleep until 8:00 am. I got up, fed and dressed Micah, then spent the rest of the morning (until 12:30) doing work (with one more break to nurse Micah at 10:00).

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but for the past few Tuesdays, I have been taking Micah over to the library. One of the librarians runs a story and song hour, and we've been having fun singing "Peek-a-Boo" and "The Grand Old Duke of York" and "Bouncing Baby." Since I was caught up doing work and on a conference call, Elliot decided to take Micah over to the public library around 10:30 so he could still enjoy story hour.

Here was the only "blip" in our day. Elliot was supposed to come back immediately after the story hour so I had time to nurse Micah again and get our stuff together for our first OnesiesDC session (a 6-week program we are starting). Through OnesiesDC, we will attend 6 different kid-friendly locations, classes and activities in the area to "sample" the available options in our area. Our first session was a Singalong with Karen class. Karen offers a regular 8 week sing-along class for babies 3 months old and up. Needless to say, Elliot got a bit distracted on the way home, and decided to detour to the bank and the grocery store. It was after 12:30 when he got back, and I had to immediately grab Micah, jump in the car, and go so I could make it to class on time. Naturally, Micah was hungry, so he shrieked and screamed the ENTIRE way to class. I was pretty upset, and felt terrible that he was so hungry because Elliot didn't get him home in enough time to nurse.

We finally got to class, and I grabbed Micah and raced inside. As I put my hand on his cute little bottom . . . I realized that Micah had poop EVERYWHERE. He was shrieking and screaming, and he was a mess. I made it inside, and before I could feed him, I needed to change him . . . from head to toe. Luckily, I had a spare outfit in the diaper bag (of course, it was a newborn size, and Micah is now wearing 0-3 months, so it was a bit small). After finally getting him changed, I nursed him during the beginning of class. Once he was clean and fed, he calmed down and was all smiles! We enjoyed the class, and we are thinking of signing up for the next session of Singalong with Karen (a few of our new friends are already attending).

After class, we headed home. I fed Micah again and he took a nice long nap while I did some cleaning. I also changed over Micah's closets/dressers - I took all of the newborn/preemie clothing out, and I pulled all of the 0-3 month stuff out and hung it up. Elliot had to head out to a meeting, so I bathed Micah, fed him, and put him to bed. Micah had a little trouble staying asleep - he slept about 40 minutes and woke up again - I nursed him a bit more, and he seems to be out for the night.

So, all-in-all, a productive day. Tomorrow, I have more conference calls in the morning (and some work I need to finish tonight) and then I hope to head out to the breastfeeding support group in the afternoon with Micah. Hopefully, each day I'll be able to find a bit more time to get my work done.

Next week, we are off and traveling again (for my work). We are flying out to LA for another conference (and sneaking in a quick visit with Rayna & Stuart, and perhaps my law school friend Leila, and some of Elliot's friends). Elliot may have to fly up to Seattle for the day while we are there. Then we come back home on Friday, and on Sunday I turn around and leave for Atlanta until Tuesday night. I'll be bringing my mom to Atlanta to help out with Micah. Wish us luck! I'm a bit nervous all of this traveling is totally going to disrupt Micah's wonderful sleep schedule.

Happy Purim!

Last night, Micah celebrated his first Purim! For those of you who are not familiar with this holiday, Purim is a Jewish holiday that commemorates our triumph over Haman, who attempted to massacre all of the Jews in Shushan, an ancient city in Persia. Each year, we read the Book of Esther (also known as the Megillah), which tells the story of Esther, and how she went to her husband, King Achashverosh (who did not know she was Jewish) to tell him of Haman's plot and ask him to save her people. The King supported Esther, and ended up sentencing Haman to death for his murderous plot. Purim is a fun holiday - it is celebrated by dressing in costumes (often costumes of the characters from the Megillah) and eating hamentaschen (triangular shaped cookies filled with fruit jelly that represent the hat Haman wore). When the Megillah is recited, participants make noise, boo, and shake groggers (noisemakers) every time the name Haman is mentioned to prevent that terrible name from being heard.

Our synagogue put on quite a show - they took Billy Joel songs and rewrote them to tell the story of Purim. It was a wild event, and Micah was in awe of all the noise, people and costumes. We went over at 6:30 to go to the children's service . . . unfortunately, the woman in charge did a horrible job. At 7:30, we headed over to the main service. Micah lasted about 1/2 hour before the stimulation became a bit much for him. I took him home, fed him, and off to sleep he went!

Here are a few pictures of us at Purim:




Don't you just love that he has enough hair to wear a kippah? Oh . . . and I am definitely a bad mother . . . it never occurred to me to get a costume for Micah.

I took Frank to the doctor

Just in case you were wondering, the saga of Frank has not yet come to an end. You remember Frank . . . my cranky fibroid that caused all the problems during my prenancy with Micah? Today I decided it was time to take Frank to the doctor. He has been a bit fussy again the past few weeks. I was told it would take 2-3 months for Frank to shrink back post-pregnancy, and at that time I should go in for follow up. I was told that if I do want to try and have another baby, I will probably need surgery to kill Frank. So, I figured I'd go get Frank checked out nice and early, and it would give me time to schedule my surgery when it is convenient for me, and give me plenty of time to heal before we start trying again. And no, we are not about to start trying again.

The doctor visit was great! He wants to set up a saline ultrasound for the end of the month to determine Frank's size and location (and he will also be searching for Fiona and any children they may have). Depending on the ultrasound, he will either recommend surgery or not, and we'll take it from there. He said that they usually recommend surgery if the fibroid is encroaching on the uterine cavity, if it is 3-4 cm or larger (at last check, Frank was just below 4 cm), and if there is a likelihood the fibroid will cause problems. Also, if there are symptoms that are sufficient to warrant surgery (and I'm having Frank pains again). Right now, barring a miracle shrinkage, I'm guessing I'm going to have to schedule surgery in the near future.

At first, the doctor looked at me like I was crazy - he was about to ask why I was coming in so early to discuss getting pregnant, and he was prepared to give me a speech about how unhealthy it is to have pregnancies back to back. Once he learned the purpose of my visit, he said it was a good thing I came in now so we can do this in a leisurely manner.

I guess I'll be setting up a visit with the magic wand again (you know, the transvaginal ultrasound . . . I think it looks like a wand, it displays pictures of my insides, so it must be magic!). It was kind of surreal to be back there. A lot of the old feelings came rushing back the minute I pulled into the parking lot. It is hard to imagine that almost 1 year ago, we were just starting the cycle that resulted in Micah. What a difference a year can make!

I guess in a sense, I took my first step today towards trying for #2. Scary!

My day off . . . .

Today was my first "day off" since having Micah. I was SOOO excited to have a day for me, but I was also feeling a little guilty for being so excited at the same time.

Naturally, Micah had a horrible night Friday night. We are struggling with the swaddle . . . he is big enough and strong enough now that he has a tendency to break out of his swaddle and wake himself up . . . but if we don't swaddle him, he can't fall asleep or stay asleep. It's quite a dilemma! Friday night, we tried to leave him unswaddled, but he couldn't fall into a deep sleep. After about 2 hours of running up every 10-20 minutes to adjust him and put in his paci, we decided to swaddle him. Off he went to sleep . . . until about 4:00 am (right as I was trying to fall asleep). Once again, he slid down the incline sleeper, so we had to go in and raise him back up. Of course, once we readjusted him, he was restless and tried to break out of his swaddle. We had another one or two trips in to re-swaddle him and re-insert the paci, but by 4:30, Elliot was unconscious. At 5:00 in the morning, I was ready to tear my hair out because I still had not had the opportunity to doze off yet and Micah was apparently wide awake. I decided to grab the incline sleeper and try and bring him into bed with us. I left his arms free, and tried to go to sleep.

No such luck - Micah was decidedly awake and unhappy. I thought that perhaps he realized he was hungry once he woke up, so I nursed him. About 5 minutes later, he was sound asleep. It took me another 15-20 mins, but I moved him to the sleeper, and off to sleep I went. Right on cue at 6:00 am (about 10 minutes after I'd FINALLY fallen asleep), Micah woke up again. Since he was in bed with us, I had no luck just popping the pacifier back in and hoping he'd fall back to sleep. So, I nursed him again, this time a full feeding. Unfortunately, after he ate, Micah wanted to play. He was happy and smiling, as long as I was up and talking to him. I, of course, was exhausted - that is my sleepiest time of day, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Over the next hour, Micah managed to dirty 2 diapers and keep me grudgingly awake. I woke Elliot up to take care of one of the diapers, but he could barely function. I finally got Micah back to sleep around 7, dozed off myself around 7:30, and Micah woke up at 7:45, ready to eat again! I tried putting him off for 15 minutes, but finally gave up and nursed him again just before 8:00. It was clear Micah was wide awake, so I brought him to his bedroom, changed ANOTHER dirty diaper, got him dressed, and brought him downstairs. We played and sang and cuddled (and changed another 2 dirty diapers), and around 9:00 he started to get sleepy. I placed him in the swing, and off to sleep he went for about 30 minutes.

In that time, I took my meds, made breakfast, and got together all of the supplies Elliot needed for the day and walked the dog. At 9:30, I took Micah, played with him, and woke Elliot to get ready. Elliot made it downstairs just after 10, and off they went to services. I had just enough time to get myself ready and head out for my day.

I ran up to the framing store to get Elliot's autograped Peter Max re-framed (a belated Chanukah gift for him). I then went to my condo to meet the contractor to discuss the work we are having done there. Then, I came running back here to meet my friend to go out to celebrate her birthday! We went to the local crepe shop, and we shared strawberry and chocolate crepes . . . YUM! It is a little tradition we have shared for many, many years. After the crepes, I took a brief pumping break, and then we went to see Slumdog Millionaire. It was a wonderful movie! It was the first time I've been able to enjoy a movie since before Micah was born (with all the contractions and UTIs, I couldn't sit still at a movie). After the movie, I headed back home, pumped again, and then got some cuddle time with my Micah. All-in-all, it was a great day, and definitely gave me a bit of freedom.

The pumping didn't go quite as well as I had hoped - Micah ate 11.5 ounces while I was out, and I only managed to pump 7.5 ounces. I have heard that pumping takes time . . . my body might respond better if I developed a consistent pumping schedule for a few weeks, but I guess I'm not ready to risk that. Perhaps when I am ready to give up breastfeeding, I could try that out. In the meantime, I am trying to sneak in an extra pumping session tonight to make up for the "lost" 4 ounces - I'm so afraid of my supply crashing! Tomorrow, Elliot & I are going to see a performance of Mask & Whig group he used to perform with back when he was in college. My mom is kind enough to babysit for us! I'll have to pump again in there, and I hope that I don't cause supply problems doing all of this. I wish I was more of a "fountain" and could pump a ton every time I sat down. I may need to try renting the hospital grade pump again to see if that helps. In the meantime, I think getting away for a bit was an important step. Micah was so happy to see me when I came home, DH got to have some great bonding time with him, and I had a chance to miss him terribly while I was out recharging and paying attention to me.

Goal for next week - get a manicure and a pedicure. . . . and maybe a massage. And perhaps I should pick one or two days every week when I pump and hand Micah off to someone else.